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Brigand's Grove 2011 - Charlestown, IN
Photo: Mission
Michael Bagley prepares to spin the put & take die
Chapter 3rd. Discussing the return to the John Work House Tavern to gamble; some sort of closure for the surgeon's incessant rambling about goats and Lob, a rather indirect route to dinner, the sailor's divvy auction; more nattering about hats along with some other things of note. (Well, of note to the surgeon. You thoughts on what should be considered noteworthy may vary.)
When the tourist traffic began to wane, I decided to go back to the cooling confines of the upstairs Tavern at the John Work house with Michael & Kate Bagley. This time there was more food, making us more happy. Brandon opened a box of Cheese Nips and poured a bowl for us. (Not to get off topic here, but I think that given the fact that cheese is so far down on the list of ingredients they should be legally required to be called Unbleached Enriched Flour Bits or EUF Bits. In addition to being more accurate, it seems to me that this would also be more fun to say.)
While I was reaching for a EUF Bit, I spotted a funny-looking die with a stem on it in a bowl of dice that Michael had been
Photo: Mission
Michael preparing to put EUF Bits in
(either
the Pot...or his mouth.)
playing with. I asked him what it was. "That's for playing Put and Take. We played on Sunday last year at Put-in-Bay." (Put and Take at Put-in-Bay. Makes perfectly good sense to me.) Michael explained how it worked.
Basically everyone started out with a bunch of coins or something else of value that you had at hand (like EUF Bits). Then you put a bowl in the center and you ante up the thing of value for a chance to spin the die and win valuable prizes. This particular die had eight sides to it and looked suspiciously like a dreidel to me. (Michael later told me it was based on the dreidel.) The eight sides were labeled P1, P2, P3 (put one, two or three), T1, T2, T3 (take one, two or three), TA (Take All, which I guess would end the round) and PA (put all, which certainly ends your round).
We threw a bunch of EUF Bits in our bowl and a bunch more in the pot in the center and started rolling the dreidel die. We ignored the PA and TA sides because that would end the game and there really wasn't anything at stake. We also took what you might call a lenient view of who owned the EUF Bits in the pot in the center. In fact, they had a sort of community ownership in that whenever someone wanted to eat one, we took it out of the pot. (I don't advise doing this if you're playing with real money, however. If you decide to buy yourself another beer with the money in the pot while playing with a rowdy group, the results might not be quite what you want.) We played until most of the EUF Bits were eaten.
This brings us to Lob's adventures with the goats. I had been blathering on at Put-in-Bay and on Facebook about photographing Lob on a goat for the Journal. It seemed like a great idea, especially after you watch this video on YouTube.
Photo: unabashedly stolen
"Tasmanian what?"
Photo: also stolen
Mmm. That was some yummy
Tasmanian Devil, I think.
People are forever asking where I get my inspiration for ideas. They usually state it like, "Where the hell do you get such stupid ideas?" I have been fascinated with goats since seeing the Tasmanian Devil cartoons when I was a kid. Bugs Bunny can be seen reciting a list of animals that the Tasmanian Devil eats in several of these cartoons and the list always included goats. For example, and I quote, "...bears, boars, cats, bats, dawgs, hawgs, stoats, goats, yaks, and old gnus..." Stoats are actually marvelously cute little animals that are also called ermines or short-tailed weasels, suggesting some of them may have dated this girl I used to like. (Or maybe those were no-tailed weasels.) In fact, they are so cute that I am putting some photos I stole of them in here. (You expected a stolen Bugs Bunny image, didn't ya'? Ha! I've got to keep you regular readers on your toes, don't you know?)
However, despite the fact that I have just spent a whole paragraph talking about them, we are not even remotely concerned with stoats. No, we're concerned with goats! They rhymed them with stoats in the Taz cartoons, which somehow makes them funny to me. Event organizer Nathanael had read a Facebook post I had written which parodied a John Lennon song suggesting how wonderful it would be to see Lob on a goat. (I'll re-post that for you in a minute.) Sensing this was important, Nathan said he would bring his two goats Lily and Melody out to the John Work house so I could get my photo. And he did! After the EUF Bits gambling ended, I decided to make sure I got my photos. (I have learned not to save such important things for the last minute because that practically insures that it won't happen.) Thus I wandered out to the dilapidated shed behind the John Work house where the goats were currently doing what goats do best: eating.
They didn't really seem all that interested in me or Lob. I did my best to introduce them to Lob, although once they figured out that he wasn't nearly as tasty as the grass and weeds, they lost all interest in him.
 Photo: Kate Bagley The tumble-down out-building that is not nearly as old as it looks |
 Photo: Mission Melody sniffs Lob and decides he's probably not edible. |
I had to get Lob onto one of their backs. Of the two of them, Lily, the black one, seemed to have the most potential as a Lob mount because Melody, the brown one, kept eyeing me funny and kind of moving away when I came near her. So I tried to sit Lob on Lily's back while she ate. As you can see below left, this did not go so well. Lob looked like he was falling asleep or licking his toes or something. (Either of which are possible.) I attempted to position him better, but he and Lily wouldn't cooperate and the second photo came out worse than the first.
 Photo: Mission Lob checks Lily's back to see if can find any deer ticks to eat |
 Photo: Mission Lob falling off his mount. |
While not completely satisfied with my shots, I couldn't see a way to get anything better, so I trekked back
Photo: Mission
Lob looking jaunty on Melody with help
to the Tavern at the John Work house. Not too long after that Andrea Logsdon appeared with a bucket full of grain and asked me if I was ready to get the photos of Lob. Michael and Kate wanted to see this, so I decided to give the whole thing another go. The photos certainly couldn't be worse than the ones you just saw, right? I asked what the grain was for and Andrea explained that she had to milk the goats and this was to distract them. (Milk the goats...?)
The lot of us wandered back to the tumble-down out-building to see the goats. Lily and Melody were much happier to see Andrea coming towards them than they were when I first approached. Clearly they knew
Photo: Mission
Lob hanging precariously on to Melody
grain was in the offing. Andrea was very helpful in getting photos of Lob with the goats. Unlike me, she was quite able to get Melody to pose with Lob. I don't quite know what my effect is on brown female goats, but it does not appear to be very positive and I can't imagine why.
Now, before I get sidetracked, I want to make sure and put the song that was partially responsible for this whole thing here for your reading pleasure. If this were a slide presentation instead of a Journal, I think these photos you see of Lob on the goats would be being projected onto a screen, fading one into the other using all those sorts of cheesy fade techniques that MS PowerPoint gives you. This little ditty I am about to re-print would be played in the background, sung by someone who sounds a bit like James Taylor. All right, enough build up for the thing - here it is:
Photo: Mission
Lob loving his new pal Melody (with Andrea's help)
Imagine Lob's on a goat.
It's easy if you try.
All that goat below him.
Looking really fly.
Imagine Lob on a GOAT.
...Laugh-ing all...the...way.
(Hee-hee-he-he-he.)
You may sayyy that I'm a loony.
And that I'm the only one.
I still hope tha-aat I will see it.
And this stupid segment will be done.
Wow, that was worse than the first time. Still, it produced these series of photos, which I know you're all grateful for. Thanks to both Andrea and Nathan for making this happen.
Now it was time for milking of Lily the goat. (Melody didn't need to be milked. Thank God.) Andrea dove right in and did the thing. It was a two-beat rhythm, as regular as could be. *Squirt* *squirt* (very slight pause) *Squirt* *squirt* (very slight pause) *Squirt* *squirt* Etc.
She asked me if I wanted to do. Kate Bagley, who was standing by, not being at all helpful in this situation, told me I had to do it for the Journal readers. Well! I do try a lot of strange things for your folks... So, why not? I bent down at Lily's side and Andrea showed me how to do it.
 Photo: Mission Lob in a hero shot, riding Lily the goat |
 Photo: Mission Andrea milking Lily - regular as clockwork |
 Photo: Mission Andrea shows your author how to milk a goat |
Photo: Mission
Mission milking Lily
The technique itself wasn't really that difficult. I wish I could say the same about the execution. Basically you have to grab the teats of the goat and block the milk from getting into them by squeezing them shut at the top. Then you (gently)squeeze a teat and the milk shoots out. If you're Andrea, it shoots into the bucket as if it were magnetized. If you're Mission, God only knows where it will shoot. Then you release the top of the teat and let the milk trickle into it and repeat the process. Whatever you do, you're not supposed to pull down, because no one wants their tits yanked like that. (We're not going any further with that comment, you make up your own punch-line. Sicko.)
You remember the two beat rhythm I described above? This was in no way like that. It was more like, *Squirt* (pause while I lost my grip) *squirt* (pause while I swear because I just got goat's milk all over my period clothing) *Squirrrrrt* Slip... (very long pause while I try to grasp the teats again). Etc. I got ten or twelve squirts in before I decided my goat-milking days were over. Andrea come back to finish the job.
By this point Lily was getting restless and seemed to be annoyed by the milking. Andrea said that this was because the pressure on her udder was gone making milking less appealing than before. This made Lily kick a bit, so Andrea asked Michael to hold her hind legs as you see below left. Michael did this for about a minute before he announced, "It smells really bad!" and walked rapidly away.
I asked Andrea why she bothered to get the last bit and she told me that it was because "It's a personal thing." Woman vs. goat; split rail cage match! Saturday night only! After finishing, we took the milk back up to the John Work house so she could strain it. She did this on the table where they had earlier been selling soda, leading to the photo below which I found humorous. (Your humor mileage may vary.)
 Photo: Mission Michael holding Lily's hind legs for a very brief period. Lily had become quite spirited, to which my poor milking style no doubt contributed. |
 Photo: Mission Andrea straining the milk. The sign reads, "Drinks $1 Proceeds benefit John Work House Restoration Project" |
Photo: Mary Lyons
Dutch oven apple pie for the pitch-in dinner
We returned to the Tavern to settle down after this exciting adventure with the goats. We hung out there for a while until it was roundly agreed that we should go out to dinner. The Brigand's Grove was putting on a "pitch-in" dinner like they had always done at Paynetown. For those of you who haven't read the Paynetown Journals, "pitch-in" is apparently Indianaese for "pot-luck." We had always participated in the past, but our group was determined to go out to dinner and enjoy some air-conditioning after this long, hot day. A night out seemed like just the remedy to the day's excitements. (Besides, I hadn't made anything to pitch in and I didn't want to be a total scab. This time.)
It took awhile to gather the troops - Mark and Jennie had been collecting their thoughts down at the campsite while we were considering the dinner outing. We all eventually assembled, Michael, Kate and I in one van and Mark and Jennie in another. Mark and Jennie had read about a good restaurant on Yelp that they had tried to go to the previous night but had given up when they got hungry along the way. They agreed to lead the way to the place which was called Cutter's Wharf.
You know those outings where everything just seems to naturally fall into place? This was the exact opposite. Nathan had warned me when I was looking for a hotel to be very careful to make sure the mileage shown was road miles because they sometimes showed places on the other side of the Ohio River that were ten miles away as the crow flies, but forty or fifty as the car drives. Mark told us that Cutter's Wharf was about ten miles away and...well, even the most obtuse can guess what happened next.
After a half-hour of driving, we decided to turn around. On the way back we ran into a huge traffic jam caused by an accident which Mark tried to get off to the freeway to avoid. (I have found this rarely saves time, but I guess you don't know if you don't try.) 
Photo: Mission
Lob relaxing at Don Pablo's
By the time we got to a restaurant-infested area, we were very hungry so we settled on Red Lobster... only to find that they had no power due to a recent storm. At this point, Mark announced he was open to suggestions as luck had not favored him thus far. So Kate phoned Don Pablo's (which we had seen on the way to Red Lobster) to verify that it had power and there were seats available.
The wonderful thing about Mexican restaurants is that they always give you chips and salsa while you're waiting for your food. Our crew was on those chips like sharks on wayward bikini-clad swimmers in Amity. I don't want to say we were hungry, but Lob was keeping his limbs close to his body for fear that he might lose a poly-foam filled arm or leg in the feeding frenzy.
Eventually we all settled down to a nice dinner. Even Lob was mellow after being given a beer and chips. Unfortunately the waiter kept explaining how this wasn't normally his table and this was why he wasn't a very good waiter. (Well, he didn't say that exactly, but that was the gist of it.) He mixed up the orders and the bills, charged the wrong things and added insult to injury by asked us if we were Amish. (Mark Gist said we couldn't be Amish. because we had buttons.) I must confess that I was hard-pressed to give him a tip.
Photo: Mission
The crowd on the hill watching the Sailor's Divvy
It was dark when we returned to camp. As we drove over up to the John Work house, we saw bright lights pointed at it and a group of folks gathered around the porch, sitting in chairs, watching Nathan speak. Either he was calling the troops to arms or the auction was going on. People at the event had donated items to raise money for next year's event. Nathan actually yelled at us when we arrived to say that he was halting the auction (called in Indianaese a "Sailor's Divvy") until Michael got there. (Who knew Michael was so important to the Sailor's Divvy?)
We gingerly made our way up the hill after parking and sat in on the rest of the auction. I decided to photograph this without a flash, figuring that the flash would be a distraction. As you can see from the photos here, I probably should have just gone ahead and been a distraction because the photos were a bit on the fuzzy and blurry side. (I
Photo: Mission
The fastest auctioneer around.
(Or the worst photograph around.)
knew they would be - yet I still did it!)
To make them less fuzzy, I rested the camera on a fence post so that my movements wouldn't affect the shots. This did nothing to stop my subjects from moving, however. Some poor guy who was standing and watching the auction kept shifting around and getting in the way. I kept shooing him away. (What a way to avoid creating a distraction!)
Of course, Nathan and crew had managed to procure several neat things for the Sailor's Divvy. Among them was a knife Nathan himself had made by hand that fetched a decent price. He also had a barrel made by the guy who was hired to make barrels for the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, which you can see below left. (I have long since forgotten the maker's name.) The auction was pretty brisk for that and I believe it wound up fetching $95. The young man who won it hauled it around proudly for the rest of the evening. There were also a set of two prints of paintings of sailing ships on linen, one of which you'll find below center. These were done by an artist who did the artwork for the Old Spice ads (whose name I also forgot). His prized item was a hand drawn map of Paynetown, drawn by Cran Ohlant, whom your author met at Pirates in Paradise last year. Nathan figured it would have gone really well if they event hadn't been moved out of Paynetown this year. It still fetched $100. I later heard Nathan telling someone that this auction made almost as much as they had made last year, when there was a much larger crowd and a lot more items up for bid.
 Photo: Mission Auctioning the POTC barrel |
 Photo: Mission Painting on linen by the guy who does art of Old Spice |
 Photo: Mission The huge Paynetown map |
There was a mini-version (figuratively and literally) of the Hat Swapping Game at this point. Actually, it wasn't really the Hat Swapping Game at all, but you know how I love to refer back to old Journals. It was really just Nathanael and Andrea's son Pip stealing people's hats.
It all started innocently enough with Pip sitting in Mark Gist's lap while the auction was finishing up. Pip grabbed Mark's black pirate hat off his head. Mark politely took it back and put it back on. Then Pip knew the game was afoot! He kept angling for that hat until Mark understood the rules of the game. He even laughed about his thefts, bragging to Michael as you can see below right.
As this all seems, it can lead to no good whatsoever. Sure it's all "Ooh!', 'Aah' and 'Isn't he so cute?' now, but those who have read the horrific account of Stynky's Hat Swap Game and Stynky stealing people's mugs know to what it will eventually lead: Stynky Jr. Whatever the world does need, it does not need another Stynky. I suggested to Nathan and Andrea that they use willow switches and razor strops to curb such behavior, but they just sort of looked at me funny. (Naturally I am used to this so it didn't faze me.)
 Photo: Mission Pip taking Mark Gist's hat |
 Photo: Mission Pip in Michael's hat cute |
 Photo: Mission Pip in Mark's hat cuter |
 Photo: Mission Pip laughing about hat |
Photo: Mission
It's huge!
Photo: Mission
Descending hat
Because Michael was there, he instinctively knew that anytime people were trying on hats, they had to try the Patrick Hand Original Planter's hat. It's tradition, after all. So he took my hat and showed it to Pip. While Pip looked mildly curious, he didn't seem anywhere near as enamored with the Patrick Hand hat as with Mark Gist's hat. (Appreciation for the finer things must be taught, you see.)
He did allow the Patrick Hand hat to be placed on his head and let me to take some photos. (Pip is a camera hog. If his parents ever want him to stop doing something, all they have to do is get out the camera and point it at him. He will immediately cease and strike a pose.) I particularly like the one at left. I would have removed Mark Gist's hand from the photo if the stars had come together and Pip's expression was one of complete surprise. (Indicating he was so surprised it blew the hat off him.) Although he was a camera hog, he's still a little too young to take emotional directions. Even if we had convinced him to convey surprise, it probably would have been in that goofy, overly-dramatic way kids have. This is why good children's photographers keep squeezy toys, pinwheels and fishing lures handy. You have to fool kids.
Photo: Mission
Autumn and Jake playing for the crowd.
After all the excitement of the auction (and Pip's adventures with hats... well, that excitement had a more limited audience), everyone went into the John Work house. Jake and Autumn Book set up in the main room across from Nathan's store and started playing period music. They are quite good and it resulted in an enjoyable evening, with lot of folks gathering round as you would expect might happen during period in a real Tavern.
Speaking of Nathan's store, the Taylor Rose Historical Outfitters was also open for business, so I wandered around in there. The store was very nicely set up as you can see in the photos below. Unfortunately I didn't spot any close-to-GAoP brace trepans (the thing I am currently looking to add to my collection). I really can't understand sutlers today. They miss all the obvious opportunities for a sale.
Jake and Autumn's playing followed me all the way back down the hill into camp after I left the house. It had been a long day. I bid everyone good night and waded through the fog that had settled on no man's land outside the encampment to my truck. I've no doubt it was an unnatural fog, full of cursed pirates and ghosts. (Poor Nathan and his troubles with ghosthunters...he should have picked a site that looked less haunted.)
 Photo: Mary Lyons |
 Photo: Mission |