Pirates in Paradise 2010 - Key West, Fl
Photo: Mission
Chapter 4 - Detailing what occurred on Saturday including the bizarre
and accidental entry of your author into the battle, his uselessness therein, further details on the denizens
of Fort Zachary Taylor, focusing particularly on the various groups camping there and what they did, with a focus
on jollyjacktar's presentation, a look inside the all-new, period wrecker's camp celebrating Key West's
heritage and closing with what can only be described as a big action finish!
I biked over to Fort Zach on Saturday morning, locked my lovely blue bike...er blue fraction-extension device up at uh...fraction-extension device rack. Then I started meandering towards the fort. I was early enough to see the battle, but I thought I'd just set up my surgical stuff and hang out at the fort. Yup, I thought that. Yup. Then Poppa Ratsi came tearing along the path from the fort and did a neat, stone-spitting curve before me in one of the fort's Gators. He looked up and said, "Are you going?" It reminded me of the Bloom County cartoon you see below. Not wanting to be like Binkley, I cried "Yes!" and jumped in the Gator. I asked where he got the Gator and he said, "They were foolish enough to give it to me!" So we scrambled along the path out to the field in front of the fort. Up to this point, I had no plans to actually stay at the field, I just didn't want to miss any adventures. (Readers of Chapter 4 of the 2009 PiP Surgeon's Journal may recall that this is how I found out where Stynky Tudor buys his lube. Wait, that didn't sound right...)
Sources: Bloom County Babylon by Berke Brethed, p. 142
When Poppa and I arrived, a photographer with a huge camera started shooting photographs of the two of us in the Gator. He explained that he was from Mile Zero Magazine, handed me a card (which I somehow managed not to lose) and explained that the pictures could be seen on-line at their website. True to his word, I found them there. (Alas that was many years ago and they are gone now.) He wanted to get a shot of Poppa and me with Jamie-Lee, but Poppa made a hasty escape. I am forever amazed at how we looney out-of-towners can wind up in the popular Key West Press, so I couldn't resist. I even made bold as to demand he take one with my camera. You'll note in the photo (seen below left) that it is just as badly lit as most of mine. I take this as a form of vindication of my photography skills.
I had intended to return after arriving, but the Mile Zero mag thing got my blood up. So, after glancing at the forces arrayed against the pirates over on the British side (below center) I decided to join my Mercury crew brethren on the field... Er...boy that looks like a long walk. Join...my...hmm. Oh, what the hell. So I walked right in front of the cannons, I did.
Photo: Mile Zero Mag Photog |
Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission |
On the way across the field, I ran into Key West Mark. Mark is the person who trained yours truly to fire a cannon back at my first PiP in 2007. He is a resident of the island (This is why I called him Key West Mark. Well...that and I don't recall his surname*). Mark does Civil War re-enactments as well as the pirate thing with us. When I fired that cannon back in 2007, he gave me these two little gold twist-tie things he got off of...something**. Perhaps the cannon loads? (You can see them in the photo below center. I don't know what the heck they are anymore, but he told me that I should always wear them proudly because I was now a cannoneer or Citizen of the Cannon Club or loyal member of the Water Buffalo Lodge or something like that. So I put them on my waistcoat and they have been there ever since. (This all may have been Mark playing a gag on your old surgeon, but since I haven't heard that officially, please don't tell me. I want to wear them on my fifth anniversary of being a pirate re-enactor.) Mark actually remembered my name, which probably won't be a big surprise to those of you who know my given name. Mark also told me that he wasn't sure why the battle hadn't begin as he and his partner were ready to get started. (Their job? To run away.)
*Editors note: According to Lily Alexander it's Moss.
**Editor's Note: Cannibal Chrispy informs us that these are "friction primers."
He explains, "The twists were in a brass tube filled with sulpher 'like a big strike anywhere match head' it was placed in the cannon
vent and whe pulled the friction of the twist 'struck' the sulpher, firing the cannon." Chrispy still has his first one, which is in his hat.
We're surprised his hat and the author's waistcoat haven't caught fire, what with all that sulfur and friction priming. Or maybe we don't
get it.
Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
I finally arrived to where the pirates were, only to have them leave. (I showered that morning! Honest! I think!)
Actually, they had been standing around in the middle of the battlefield, waiting when I was approaching. I'm guessing that they got tired of doing that so they all voted and decided to go over and stand around by the ocean next to the battlefield for awhile. When I finally caught up with the group, Israel Cross insisted that I take a photo of his newly applied wounds, which I dutifully did and I now post here for everyone to enjoy. He claimed to have the French pox. Closer examination made this surgeon suspect that it looked more like Collodin and make-up. Either way, I had to explain that I didn't have any of my surgical gear with me because I was heeding the call of adventure, which required that I do no preparation. (I'd have explained about Poppa and the Gator, but I think that would have just gotten confusing.) I did get a nice shot of Commodore Cutter looking dashing and piratey on the rocks, as you can see below right. He looks a little posed to me, but if you've been reading these for very long, you'll realize that I don't know any better.
Photo: Shay |
Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
After a wait, the pirates took off at a run to go and usurp the forward British cannon. (This was why Mark was out there -
he and his friend were posted to guard the British cannons. Awfully trusting of the British to have only two guards in the
forward-most position. (By 'trusting', I mean 'dumb.')) So the pirates scared them off by running at them in a ragged mob.
Well...most of the pirates. I had no weapon and am not inclined to run screaming at anyone even when I do. (To show you how
far your ship's surgeon will go to avoid yelling, I created a character named
"Mute" which I used at several
haunted houses after I got tired of losing my voice trying to scare people be jumping up and yelling at them.)
The pirates then swung the British cannons around on them as you see below left. William Red Wake organized the small arms line off to the side of the two cannon and we proceeded to fire on the British. (Below center.) I have a whole bunch more pictures of us firing and whatnot, but you've already seen enough of that on the previous page, I'll wager. (If not, go back and look at the previous page.) madPete did get a nice shot of me removing Captain Sterling's shoes* on the battlefield (Below right.) I figured that since I wasn't prepared to be the medicine man, I'd be one of the thieves. You hafta' do something while you're having an adventure. The Captain was actually happy about this because there was a cocklebur in the shoe I removed. Since I didn't really have any use for the captain's shoe, I found the cocklebur, removed it and then tried to put the shoe back on. (And failed. Someone else had to do it.)
*Editor's Note: Or not. madPete informs me that this was Israel Cross, not Captain Sterling. Although the story is still true. As far as you know.
Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission |
 Photo: madPete |
With the daily battle out of the way, it was time for me to go back and do my surgeon schtick in the Mercury camp. Now I could blather on here about said surgeon schtick, but you've already heard it in the previous chapter. (If you haven't go back and read that too. Provided you didn't read it it when you read about the battle, that is. No sense in reading it twice.) So rather than cover old ground, I think I should give you some insight into some of the campground. ("Some of" being the parts I took pictures of.)
Photo: Iron Jon
We start with my home camp (outside of the condo where there is a shower and a real bed): the Mercury Camp, seen
below left. This particular slice of the camp was Iron Jon and Paula's site, where there was always food. Naturally,
this is where all the Mercury pirates hung out. If you want to attract pirates, provide provender. Iron Jon and
Paula were excellent hosts, always having cheese, nuts, crackers, fruit and similar things about. If you stood around for very long one of them
would offer to cook for you. These are my kind of folks and (along with Jennie Gist who was unfortunately not here this weekend), I nominate
them to be the officious Mercury Cooks.
Ok, I just can't talk about our camp without putting in one picture of the surgical stuff. Below right, we have Matty Short Thumb contemplating an evening of his digits with the period barber's razor. Don't like that gag? How about: The real way Matty Short Thumb got his short thumb! No? Ah, who needs ya'?
Photo: Mission
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Photo: madPete
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 Photo: Mission |
Then there were our neighbors, the pirate-hunters of the Archangel crew. How it would come to pass that pirates of the Mercury would be neighbors with the pirate-hunters of the Archangel can only be explained by campsite planners with space limited by the fort walls. You can imagine the uneasy truce that took place. Well you can until you learn about the backstory of Quartermaster William Red Wake and Captain Sterling, which is buried somewhere in the 17 volumes that are hidden on a Key that can't be found except by those who aren't looking for it. (Ok, I happen to know it - it's somewhere on Little Rabbit Key*. (Rabbit Key! Camping! Docking! Secret buried fictional pirate histories!) But that's all the hint you're going to get and you didn't get it from me.)
Where was I? Oh, yes, the Archangel camp next door. They held several meetings that I saw, planning God knows what. You can see one such session below left. This photo includes Josephine Legard, Anna Bean (on the ground), Captain Sterling, Josh Sterling, Fionntan Murtaugh (back to us), Pern, Dorian Lasseter, Lily Alexander, apparent-pirate-traitor William Red Wake (browncoat, back to us), Edward O'Keefe (standing) and Jack Roberts. In the next picture, Elizabeth 'Amber' Sharpe is enjoying the sun in her camp in the Archangel tent archipelago.
Editor's Note: William Red Wake (Brand) report: "Actually it's true about Sterling and Brand. You really have to understand the history to understand the relationship." And we don't, so we stand on the Little Rabbit Key thing. Especially since we just learned there was a Little Rabbit Key on a trip to Fast Buck Freddies. (Seriously!) Doesn't it just make you want to go there? Like Bali Hai or something.
Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Poppa Ratsey
Cran/Jollyjacktar
Photo: Mission
The trader's display
Among the several Archangel camp displays was one on commerce and the trade routes by Jollyjacktar
aka Cran Ohlandt. Cran does a really thorough and interesting display on trade using his well-chosen props to explain the intricacies
of trade during the period. He usually did this during the morning when your ship's surgeon was busy trying to get random
bits and pieces together to publish the Surgeon's Journal while the event was going on. So I missed his official presentation,
but he was kind enough to go through it for me during the afternoon. Of course, he was a ringer. Cran works for Charles Towne
Landing State Historic Site in Charleston SC doing similar presentations, which explained why he was so good at it. See, you just
can't trust those pirate-hunters at all.
Photo: Err...
On the sun-sunny side of the street across from us were the wreckers. The wrecker's camp was led by Diosa and her flying
squirrel Rocky. Ok, the squirrel wasn't actually named Rocky, but you don't actually think I
could pass up on a sight gag like that, do you? (If you do, this must be your first Surgeon's Journal.)
No, the squirrel is named Amelia, which is cute, but the Rocky gag is better. (MHO.) The squirrel is actually a ventriloquist. See, Diosa is sort of soft-spoken, so she trained the squirrel to speak for her. (And if you believe that one, you clearly haven't met Diosa.) The squirrel liked to nest down the front of Diosa's shirt, about which I can think of no fitting comment. (You can see this way below left.) But we're not talking of flying squirrels nesting, we're talking of the wrecker camp!
Photo: The Bumptious Bandit
Among the member of the wrecker camp was DB Couper, who had once again erected a fine flagpole which you'll find in the two shots
below center. Those of you who read
my account
of DB in the 2009 PiP Surgeon's Journal will recall that DB was kind enough to erect his entire flagpole set-up for me
last year just so I could bring it to you via that tome. But that was then, this is a few weeks ago. DB had a whole
new flagpole, now made of a remarkable period wood that he called...Pennsylvania Vitrious Calamity wood? No, that wasn't it...
Polyphonic Viney Cabbage-bark Tree? No, it couldn't be... Uh...A zebra? No, no, not a zebra. Orangutan? Uh uh... Um...a hippopotamus?
Ah, ha ha! No, no, not a hippopotamus! Er...
Ahem. Anyhow, whatever DB called his plastic curious wood mast, your author forgot it and decided to continue moving along Wreckers Row. There he discovered Cutter feeding an enemy combatant a large ham in his tent. (Below right.) Giving aid and comfort to the enemy! I mean to say! (Huh. There was something familiar about that soldier...) I'd have stopped to break up this horrific turn of events, but, unfortunately, there were more of them than me. Plus, being a vegetarian, I don't eat meat. So I just kept on going.
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Iron Jon
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Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
One of the wrecker's tents.
Perhaps one of the neatest things about the wrecker's camp were all the little details. As you may have noticed in the photos
of DB's campsite above, the people in the wrecking camp had taken a great deal of trouble to arrange
their sites with all sorts of little things that I found most evocative. Take the neat campsite you see here
at right. It has all the neat rustic furniture and carefully arranged kitchen items and miscellanea along with the neatly
tucked camp bed. (Clearly the hand of a woman was involved in this setup. I don't mean to stereotype, but no self-respecting man would
have throw pillows tastefully coordinated on the bed. One look inside Beowulf's tent would reveal the true character of we men.
I know this because I stored my surgical stuff in there when I wasn't using it. He wisely kept his tent flaps firmly shut.)
Further down from that we had the nice table you see below left which has an assortment of interesting trinkets including a game, a plate, tankard and utensils, cooking items, a rolling pin (I think) and...shackles. Huh. I wonder what sort of event is planned for that tent this night?* Er...then we get to the end of the sun-sunny side of the street, where I found the Wobble bottle display. Willie Wobble wraps bottles in fancily-tied ropes, which I have found interesting since the first time I saw him at PiP 2008. I forgot to photograph his bottles then, meaning every time I see them now I feel compelled to take upwards of 20 photos of them and post at least one of them in the Journal. So be sure to enjoy that.**
*Editor's Note: Diosa claims that this was her tent.
**Editor's Note: Aren't all these editor's notes annoying? We think so too.
Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
While I was wandering around taking photos, Silkie McDonough grabbed me bodily and ushered me over to the general meeting tent asking in a rushed, hushed voice if I had signed the shirt. Shirt? What shirt? It turned out that some of the people in the crews (probably the sorts of people who bring housewarming gifts and bottles of wine when they're invited to parties) had gotten an Official Event T-shirt and having everyone in the camp sign it. I dutifully signed, because Fayma is good people. (I signed inside the 'O'.) As you can see below, just about everyone was on board for this project. (That's (from left) Elizabeth Sharp, Bawdy Be, Patrick Hand (signing), Silkie, Iron Jon (I think - his back is to us), Josh Sterling and 1st Mate Matt (standing.)) Being an artist, William Red Wake ( below right) got all fancy and put a huge copy of the Mercury logo on the shirt with his signature.
Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
Now I'm running a bit long here and I don't want to wear out your patience. (well, not too much, anyhow.) However, I've been prattling on about less action-oriented stuff and I don't want you to drowse off, either. So we're going to end with a big action finish! Yep. Usually I'm the one that tries out weird things so that I have something to finish off boring chapters with. However, Wendy "Jill-Handed Red" let me use her photos and I thought we'd feature her son, Youngblood learning a new skill: blacksmithing. It gets the blood up just thinking about it, eh? So let's plunge right in.
Let me begin this discourse with a disclaimer: I have never done blacksmithing, I know nothing whatsoever about the art and I wasn't there. You have been warned. Youngblood started off on the bad foot by receiving his instruction from Scarlett Jai ( below left.) I am kidding, of course, Scarlett was involved with the operation of the forge last year and I've always found her to be quite patient with me. (And that's saying something.) Soon, it was time for the sparrow to fly on his own as you see below center. Here we have Youngblood hammering away on his project. If he had a hammer, he would hammer all afternoon. And the result? Well, check it out below right. Two nails! Yep. Two. If we were careening the ship and he were the carpenter the crew would be very happy because they would have quite the extended leave. But who am I to scoff? He can make nails and I can't. So there's your big action finish.
Photo: Jill-Handed Red
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Photo: Jill-Handed Red
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 Photo: Jill-Handed Red |