Pirates in Paradise 2010 - Key West, Fl
Photo: Mission
Chapter 6 - The narrative containing material on the things which happened on Sunday during the day. Including, but probably
not limited to: whining about working on the journal, deciding to actually try to portray a surgeon on the battlefield rather than just
happening to show up (well, sort of), what happened as a result of the battle and the celebrations that took place inside the fort,
wandering off on some mostly irrelevant tangent about the vendors who were inside the fort, meeting a new friend of Deadeye's who shall
remain nameless (because he forgot her name) and making up some stuff to fill in the blanks there along with some filler and other material
from the events going on outside of the fort.
I started out my day trying to catch up with the on-line posting of the Surgeon's Journal, which would have been this very page had I managed it. Since it is mid/late December, you may get the idea that I did not manage it. [Ok, everyone who is tired of hearing him whine about not being able to get the stupid on-line, on-going Surgeon's Journal done at the event raise your hands. Yep, we thought so.] Well, I'm just trying to give an accurate account of what happened on Sunday morning. [No, you're whining. You're the one who decided to try and keep up with this during the event, not the readers.] Maybe I just won't finish it. [You could hold your breath until you turn blue while you're at it. I hear that's a mature way to handle such things.] Fine, I'll skip ahead.
Photo: Mission
Photo: Mission
I hadn't really participated in the battle as a surgeon yet, so I decided that today was the day. On a whim last year, I had grabbed a
particular surgical tool for comical reasons during one of the battles and everyone had been asking about it this year. So I knew I would
need it along with some bandages for me surgical impression. Packing my Lily Alexander original surgical bag with the necessaries, I trotted
out of the fort. On the way out, I managed to snap a rare photo of Momma and Poppa Ratsey together in garb (at left).
The pirates were once again inconveniently located on the opposite side of the battlefield, causing me to reflect on my age and that pesky lumbago. [Physician, heal thyself.] Shut up, you. You know, a small land-practice is sounding nicer and nicer...but, I digress. I hoofed it across the battlefield to join my fellow pirates once again. They had been given instructions to "goof around", so some people started yelling and insulting the folks watching from the fort wall and the British. Others sprawled out on the uncomfortable heath. We danced, as you might have noticed in the first photo on this page. I somehow got paired with Israel Cross for this portion of the relaxing.
Speaking of Israel Cross, it's been at least a chapter since we've talked about him and we need to keep his ego up, so let's do a whole series of Israel photos. I believe he had acquired some more pox make-up and was once again posing as an unfortunate soldier wounded during action. (We'll just leave that right there.) While we were waiting for the British to start firing upon us, we stood around and chatted with Caribbean Pearl. Somehow we got onto the topic of sunburns, which seemed wholly inappropriate. Those of you who have met Israel will readily understand this. While Israel says he's immune to the damaging rays of Old Sol, Caribbean Pearl gets sunbit. (You won't believe where. Since I'm not going to tell you, you'll have to come out to PiP and ask her.)
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The cannon crews were busily practicing their drills, which doesn't seem to jive with the whole "goof around" instruction
but it made for a nice photo. At right we have Harry Smid's cannon crew which consisted of
Constable Heartless, madPete, Elizabeth Sharpe and Fionntan Murtaugh. (That's Harry standing in the
background in the red shirt observing his charges (heh).)
Finally, after all that forced piratey "goofing off", the British opened fire (below left). Thus beginneth the battle. The pirates scurried around to blast the bejesus out of them with their little cannons and... Well! Maybe they stood around in conference to discuss the most humane way to blast the bejesus out of them with their little cannons. Whatever the order, there were several rounds of cannon fire and folks with muskets or blunderbusses or pistols or carbines or gatling guns or whatever. (People are forever correcting me on the proper terms and spelling for weapons. I don't know from weapons. Dammit Jim! I'm a surgeon, not an artilleryman! But perhaps that list will cover everything.) Whatever else, this made for smoky photos.
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Meanwhile, there was story afoot. See, pirate Quartermaster William Brand or Red Wake or whatever he was called went out
on the battlefield during a cease-fire to negotiate with Captain Sterling, the pirate-hunter. As the three of you who
actually remember Chapter Four will recall, William and the Captain have a 17 volume history
that is buried on Little Rabbit Key... [No it isn't.] ...have a 17 volume history that
is buried on Little Rabbit Key... [It's not either. We explained that.]
...HAVE A 17 VOLUME HISTORY THAT IS BURIED ON LITTLE RABBIT KEY RIGHT NEXT
TO THE FREAKING SHACK TO WHICH I WILL SHORTLY RETIRE FROM WRITING FOR THESE DAMNED FOOL EDITORS!
[Whatever.] Reading that history will help explain what was going on here for you - just as soon as you
unearth and read it. I hope Diosa was on the fort wall explaining all this, because if the crowd was half as confused
as I am, they probably would have given up and gone to see what the vendors in the fort had to offer.
The conference was a result of the fact that there were many defects defectors escaping across the battlefield from the British to the pirate side. For example, you'll find Jollyjacktar aka Cran Ohlandt below left carrying Edward O'Keefe bodily across the battlefield. I offered Edward an enema to to ease the pain when he arrived but he seemed to start feeling better at that exact moment. Seeing the getting was good, the Spaniards came running across the field with their mortar (below center left). They actually did run, but I failed to get a good photo of this. In celebration of their switching from the British to the pirate side (which, historically, makes no sense at all), Doug played a rousing rendition of The Little Drummer Boy for us. It was PiPmas, after all. Patrick Hand accompanied them as their flag bearer. I failed to mention it earlier, but I had walked over from the fort with Patrick, who claimed he did not want to be in the battle today. He apparently changed his mind and took up the Spanish colors, as you see below right.)
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Now it was time for all the hand-to-hand fighting, sword fighting, dying and losing one's shoes. Best of all, it was time
for your surgeon to go to work and 'heal' people, after watching Jack Roberts and jollyjacktar/Cran fight (and Cran lose.)
I have already mentioned bringing my clyster syringe and offering Edward an enema, so it will come as no surprise that I
continued to offer the same service to folks wounded on the battlefield. There is probably no more useless tool during a battle, so I also brought a fistful
of pre-bloodied bandages so that I could make more crowd-friendly 'repairs'.
The battlefield contained a plethora of carnage, so there were surgical victims lying everywhere, ripe for 'the cure'. Several of the pirates were running around looting, like Scarlett Jai, as you can see below center. Unfortunately, (or perhaps fortunately), I found no pics of me with the syringe (and I can't really take them myself), so you'll just have to take my word on that one and be content with the photo of me with Shay of the Keys below right. (She claimed I kept tickling her. I was doing the Ghostbusters 'poking someone to see if they're alive' gag in this shot. Observant readers may wonder how I managed to change shirts for this photo.) That was pretty much it for the battle.
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 Photo: Poppa Ratsey |
Photo: Dunno
Bernadette Peters
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Cran weeping about this ruined photo.
[And now a weepy public service appeal from Bernadette Peters on behalf of the Surgeon's Journal.
Please don't blame us for this.] "Every battle at Pirates in Paradise several trucks are thoughtlessly parked
on the battlefield despite the fact that everyone claims to want to make the battles 'as
realistic as possible'. Yet there they are, plain as day. This results in the people at the
Surgeon's Journal spending hours doing low-quality photo edits to remove these
vehicles, despite the fact that most readers probably don't care all that much. You can help. If you are on the battlefield with
a vehicle, please don't park it there. If you must park your vehicle on the battlefield,
please camouflage it. And spay your local pirate while you're at it. You can do so much good.
Thank you."
Photo: Mission
After the battle was over, all the dead were suddenly completely cured and got up. (I am a miracle worker!)
One of the British soldiers I bandaged - Spike in soldier's clothing - wanted to sport my bandage as we
processed into the fort. I said he could, provided he promised to give it back to me.
Last year I had provided a similar bandage for Nigel and he never gave it back. Spike did promise, so off we went.
(Spike being dramatically helped by some fellow pirates.) In the post-battle script, the viceroy was taken by the
pirates and forced to process into the fort. So I followed along carrying the piano stool and my camera so that I
could watch the rest of the show.
From: Donovan's Reef
By the time I got into the fort, the drama had already begun at the foot of the flagpole. JUst as I was walking up to
the scene, Anne
Marie (DB's wife) was pleading for the Viceroy's life or money or some such. I didn't quite catch who she was
supposed to be - presumably the Viceroy's wife or mistress or debtor or something of that nature. Whoever she was supposed to be, she did a nice job playing the part. She had
quite the fancy dress, as you can see below
center.
At the same time, the Viceroy was on his knees pleading for forbearance and gradually losing his finery as the pirates swiped it from him. I took photos of all these goings on, so I guess I may as well do a bit of a round-robin photo display for you beneath this.
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Photo: madPete
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The photo round, starting clockwise from the right - the pirates made a big show of taking things one by one from the Viceroy including
his jacket, vest, cane and (as seen here) his wig.
For some reason Israel Cross wanted to wear the wig, which he promptly took and tried on as can be seen below right. Rather natty, eh? There was quite a crowd of folks watching all this including the soldiers. Below center right are Captain Triceps, Spike, Bawdy Be and Verde. Spike was still sporting my handiwork, although it all came to naught when the pirates ran him through for some reason (below center left).
While everyone else was chewing all the scenery, Doug was quietly raising the Mercury flag. madPete got a nice shot of it flying proudly (left).
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With the flag raised and the Viceroy humiliated, I decided to wander around and snap some photos of the vendors at the event. I have already talked about Old Sutler John's place back on page 3, so I won't mention him here. Forget that last sentence was ever written. A long-standing staple of the PiP Surgeon's Journal is vendor-extraordinaire Greg Hudson of the Hudson Bay/Weeping Heart Trading Company. I didn't mention it earlier, but I somehow managed to lose/forget my bowl at this event. (We have discussed my absent-mindedness enough, so I won't go on about it here.) I had bought the original bowl from Greg at another event years ago, so asked him if I could buy another. He said, "Sure. Just leave the money on the table in my tent." That's the kind of guy he is. Below left is his set-up. When I took the shot, he was fitting Sterling's daughter Anna with a pair of new shoes, so I got a really terrible photo of that for you to enjoy (below center). The last photo is a more or less normal one of him chatting with Oreo (the bird) and Crudbeard in his tent. Ok, that's enough about Greg.
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Also there again this year was the Pyracy Pub's own Hawkyns, who had set up his shop At the Sign of the White Rose in the fort. He was selling a variety of leather, clothing and other goods.
I had been trying to get a nice shot of him standing outside of his digs for this page so that you could all enjoy that, but I never
seemed to be there at the right time. So instead I got a shot of him with Old Sutler John, who is (I think) his competitor. I don't
honestly know what there were discussing because I was trying to sneak in and get a candid shot of them. (Have you ever noticed that
most 'candid shots' are hopelessly bad photos? If not, you will probably notice it now, because this one is terrible.)
Photo: Mission
There were a couple of other vendors in the fort of which I snapped photos, although I can't honestly say I went inside them on this
trip. They seemed to mostly carry clothing and hats. I count myself very fortunate to be a customer of the Bagley Original line of
clothing and don't usually shop for clothes. (This trip, I was also very fortunate to receive a pair of white slops made by madPete and
a pair of breeches created by Shay of the Keys.) As for hats, I am inextricably linked with my beloved Patrick Hand original planter's
hat and would probably be shot if I tried to wear something else. Being shot is generally not much fun, so I don't shop for hats. However,
I did want to mention the store at left because of their fondness for skulls, which I appreciate. Also in the fort
were the Whiite Pavilion Clothiers and Lady Barbara's. They each appeared to have a
nice assortment. I particularly liked that red waistcoat (I think it's a waistcoat) with the white skirt thing outside of the White Pavilion,
but I doubted they had it in your surgeon's size.
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While I was wandering around taking photos of the vendors, who should I come across but Deadeye? He had a young lady with him whom he
introduced to me. Now if Deadeye had an email or Facebook account, I would send him a message and ask him what her name was. (I typically
forget the name of a person within milliseconds after meeting them. I've tried the little memory tricks like repeating the name
or associating the person's face with some wordplay that is based on their name, but it never works. So since I don't know it and I can't
find it out, I'm going to call her 'Sarah', because it was something like that.) 'Sarah' was newly blown in from some Caribbean Island (nope,
don't remember that name either) where she had been working on a dive boat. She decided for reasons that were not mentioned (as opposed to
reasons I forgot) to come back to the States and hang out in Key West. I have been to KW about 20 times and I am always fascinated by how
dive boat, wait-staff, cleaning and other service people wind up here, so I was interested. (Not interested enough to actually remember
everything, but so much goes on at the event that if I don't write it down when I hear it, I forget it.) After chatting with 'Sarah' and
Deadeye for a bit, she came over and let me explain a bit about my surgeon's tools and my role. Then they wandered off. Another great
story for the Surgeon's Journal. [Well, almost.]
Meanwhile, over at the PiP camp outside the fort gate, justice was being served. Actually, it was served twice during the weekend. The Tryal of Anne Bonny and Mary Read was taking place outside the fort this year rather than just doing it once inside the fort on Saturday, as they had the last few years. As you can see below left, the Coast Guard got involved this year, bringing Diosa/Mary and Bawdy Be/Anne in on one of their cutters for the show. (That's British soldier Spike along with Mark Moss guarding the captives. Cascabel was doing his wonderful turn as the drunken tavern owner, seen here consorting with Liberte Sparrow and one of the judges. Each tryal they had to get Diosa/Mary's blood up by dragging her bodily over to the tryal area. (Those of you who have met the ever-serene and calm Diosa will know this is no easy feat.) The tryal then proceeded along the lines outlined in the 2007 and 2008 Surgeon's Journals.
Photo: Wendy Wellman
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 Photo: Wendy Wellman |
 Photo: Wendy Wellman |
Photo: Beowulf
Photo: Beowulf
Once again, rtist Don Maitz was painting the Tryal as it happened. You may recall from my recounting of the
auction that Don was the guy who created and painted the iconic image on the Captain Morgan's Rum bottle label. His paintings of this
event were sold
for a goodly price at the auction, which helped to raise money for the Friends of Fort Taylor.
While your author missed the Tryal this year, Wendy Wellman and Beowulf both managed to catch it and capture Don in the middle of painting as you see here. I find it's hard to do a decent watercolor at all, let alone when the thing you're trying to capture is underway and everyone is standing around watching you and taking pictures. I guess that's why he is a pro.
Photo: Wendy Wellman
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 Photo: Wendy Wellman |