Pirates in Paradise 2010 - Key West, Fl
Photo: Shay
Fayma callahan on the Fort Wall
Chapter 3 - Speaking about Friday, in particular the battle that your author didn't even
see, Shay taking people home after the battle, some details of the encampment and some of the rogues that inhabited
it, your surgeon's table and the first presentations, a Mission in borrowed clothing and the auction. Oh, the auction...
I was trying to organize things for the Surgeon's Journal (although I failed to finish the page in time to post it on Friday) when Shay left to go watch the battle. She agreed to take some photos so I would have something to talk about today. (The logistics of trying to do this on-line are a bit mind-boggling at times...) This means that I cannot actually comment on what happened in the battle in an educated fashion, which anyone who has followed these Journals will be quite used to. Judging by the photos, Shay appears to have positioned herself on the Fort Taylor wall where the audience watches the battle unfold in the coral- and prickly-burr- infested battlefield.
From the fort wall POV, the defenders were positioned on the left side of the field, while the pirates lay crouching in wait on the right, as you can see in the two photos below. In the defenders photo, you may see Poppa Ratsi standing facing the audience for some reason. Maybe he was trying out his new telephoto lens on the tourists? You may also note in the pirates photo in the lower right-hand corner that at least one of the pirates had slunk off to sit under the sparse shade offered by a scrubby sapling. Although, come to think of it, it wasn't very hot on Friday (in the 60s and 70s as I recall), so maybe he's just waiting for the others to do battle so he can slink in and plunder shoes and hats from the bodies. (Bloody pirates.)
Photo: Shay |
 Photo: Shay |
I'm not exactly sure what the signal was supposed to be to start the battle, but a cruise ship which had been docked offscreen suddenly appeared in the water and I'm willing to bet that this excited the pirates so much that they started their attack. What I don't understand is why they bothered to attack the clearly heavily-armed fort defenders when the cruise ship provided such luscious, low-hanging fruit. Would you rather face a wide array of cannons or a bunch of all-you-can-eat buffet-laden tourists whose belongings were stuffed into convenient little cabins? Maybe the pirates were afriad of the water. In any event, the battle was engaged and the defenders lustily fired their cannons at the pirates, who appeared to have nothing more than muskets and small arms. So our little guy hiding under the tree seemed doomed to disappointment as the defenders were well-defended.
Photo: Shay |
 Photo: Shay |
The pirates eventually decided to give the whole thing up as a bad job, as you can see below left, and chose to retreat from the battlefield with their wounded. (Where, you might ask, was the ship's surgeon, to fix said wounded? I already answered that. Pay more attention.) While the pirates were choosing to fight again another day, the defenders had gotten their backs up (whatever that means) and sent out an elite ninja-stealth-attack-SWAT team to further harry the pirates. (Below center. I assure you that's a correct use of that word. Look it up if you don't believe me.) They moved along the cover of the brambles, thorns and sticker-bushes by the side of the moat and snuck up on the pirates, chasing them off the field, defeated. (Guys! To hell with the fort and its defenders! See the tug boat back there? The cruise ship can't have gotten very far yet!) Thus endeth the Friday battle.
Photo: Shay |
Photo: Shay |
 Photo: Shay |
Since the attack was such a dismal failure, the pirates held a meeting to discuss the pros and cons of their logistics, alternate battle plans for future raids on the fort, why the Hail Mary pass failed and just whose dumb idea it was to let that ripe prize of a cruise ship get away while they played cannon fodder. Not everyone was entirely pleased to attend the meeting as you can see below right. (Animal: "When you're a pirate you don't have to act like a suit!")
Photo: Shay |
 Photo: Shay |
Photo: Shay
After all that failing to win the battle and then having to hold a boring three-hour meeting to analyze it, the pirates
were tuckered out. So Shay volunteered to give some of them a ride. This excited Beowulf (seen at left)
who wanted to ride in the rumble seat despite the fact that Shay had had to remove the cushion and
leave it at her home in Key Largo. (Having ridden back there, I can tell you it is a backbone-shattering ride, sitting on
the steel floor of the rumble seat.) Still, he looks so happy there, doesn't he?
Since we're at a pause in the action, I thought I'd throw a few Rogues' Gallery photos out there so that you can see that there actually were more pirates than madPete, Shay and I at the event. (Plus it's nice filler.) We begin with Crudbeard and his Raven Oreo, whom you may recall from the PiP 2008 Extra Pages. Next up are the Captain's children, Josh and Anna, whom I spotted searching the inner crevices of Fort Zachary Taylor for Captain Sterling. They found the Captain, just as you see below center right, sleeping off Thursday night's bout with convivality. I can't imagine that the Captain was in a good mood upon awaking from that fine sleeping surface. Finally, Mistress Silkie McDonough appears looking quite confident and ready for anything that PiP may bring her.
Photo: Shay
|
Photo: Mission
|
Photo: Mission
|
 Photo: Shay |
Let's close out this edition of the Rogues' Gallery with the roughest pirate to deal with of them all: Kiera, the toddler! Run in fear! Ieeeeee! Ok, enough of that. Jack Roberts and Brig brought Kiera with them for the long PiP weekend so they could both stay for the duration. Kiera is not actually sleeping in the lovely bed and tent you see behind her, but she has been a trooper so far. Well, she is so long as she doesn't miss her nap at the hotel. Below left, you'll find her learning the art of period writing from her dad. Jack has been is doing that as a period skill display. Below center: Kiera eats! Not very period-ey looking food, but one thing I've learned from watching my sister raise her kids (as well as being trained by my cat) is that you do not want to mess with a kid's diet if you want them to actually eat anything. Below right, mom looks on lovingly.
Photo: Mission
|
Photo: Mission
|
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
Having sauntered through the camp and taken photos of other people, I decided it was time to go an set up my surgical
table. Okay, it was actually time for me to set up my surgical table. See, Lily Alexander had
put me on the schedule and that meant I had to be there from 3pm to 3:30. This was incentive to leave my work on the
Surgeon's Journal. (Well, it doesn't really require all that much incentivizing, to be honest.)
So I set put Mission the Mercury Surgeon's Table in Paradise under the fly to Beowulf's tent.
We actually had a pretty decent stream of people during the afternoon, which was quite an improvement over past experience.
For some reason, when we were set up at the beach, people in swimming suits didn't seem to really want to hang around and
hear about period surgical procedures and instruments. I know you, like me, will find this tremendously shocking, but there
it is. At 3:30, Crudbeard was scheduled to give a presentation on cannon firing, which he did with great gusto. You can
see part of the crowd for his Friday below right.
Photo: Shay
|
 Photo: Mission |
Crudbeard was so good at attracting attention that I found myself experiencing a lull in presenting. I espied Old Sutler John's place across the way from me and decided to go discuss a piece of potential business with him. It seem that I am in such demand when I arrive at places that I often wind up explaining the role of the surgeon while I am unpacking my surgical gear from its shipping crate. (Ed note: This is a lie. He is frequently late and the people who are waiting there were told that the surgeon's presentation would begin promptly on time.) Up until now, I had been packing all my surgical gear in rather non-period-looking bubble wrap, plastic bags and whatever else the eBayer I got it from sent it to me in. So I wanted to talk to John about making me a leather pouch so that I could look a bit more periodic. (Ed note: And less idiotic.) Hey, you be quiet. We talked about different options and he finally sold me a piece of very thin pressed leather which was nice and long for a very reasonable price. We also talked about the possibility of his making a surgeon's chest for me, which was something he seemed quite interested in doing.
Photo: Mission
|
 Photo: Mission |
I returned to my table for a few more presentations, but the crowds began to thin considerably as it got later. I had heard a rumour that Poppa Ratsey was somewhere in the bowels of the fort taking photos of people, so I decided to wander off in that direction. After a wrong turn, I found him taking photos of Beowulf in one of the ports of the fort, giving him very explicit instructions on how he should turn his head and where he should look and what time it was. "Ok, turn your head one degree to two o'clock. Now adjust it a degree and another and another..." William Red Wake, Captain Sterling and some others were looking on. Apparently there was a queue. I waited patently for about 2 minutes and thought it would be best to go back and check on my table. Nothing doing there, so back in I went. This time I actually did wait patently, snapping a few shots with my flash to mess up Poppa's shots. "Ok, go back to 2 o'clock and lets do it again." Finally it was my turn. It only took about twenty minutes for Poppa to take upwards of three hundred photos of me in three different spots he had specifically chosen. I must say that I do look forward to seeing them.
Photo: Mission
|
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
Photo: Mission
Eventually the 5 o'clock bell was rung by DBCouper. (DB had been doing bells every hour on the hour. I wondered if he had
been doing them all night, but wasn't interested enough to hang around the fort to sleep on the ground to find out.) This
meant we were done with the presentations, so I put everything away. It was also meant that the cold wind started to blow
in the fort. It seemed (to me) that every night around 4:30 or 5pm we got a cold blast of wind coming into the fort. I had
left my wonderful Michael Bagley original coat back at the condo and was getting ready to leave and go get it. This was
sheer foolhardiness. I was stationed in the back corner of the fort and everytime I went to leave, I had to walk past
everyone to try and get out - a truly impossible maneuver. Instead I wound up stopping every
few yards and chatting with someone. "Mission! How's it going! I saw your presentation and..." Walk a few feet. "Mission!
What's up? Are you staying for dinner. Diosa made vegetarian French onion soup for you and..." Walk a few feet. "Mission!
Where're you headed?" Me: "Back to the condo to get my coat." "Oh, don't do that, let me loan you one and save you a trip!"
This was Fayma, and that's how I wound up wearing the purple coat and posing with someone's gun. (Note to Silas. This does
not mean I have joined the pirates.) As the night fell (with a cold 'thud'), everyone gathered...
No, they huddled... around the campfire. Across from me I saw madPete, Shay, someone (Patrick?) and Silkie that night.
The auction was scheduled to start around 7 or so, after dinner. (The French onion soup was quite good.) It all started sedately enough. Well, sort of... Cannibal Chrispy and William Red Wake/Brand were sharing the auctioneering duties - William asked that we all look kindly upon the firm of Chrispy and Brand whatever happened and Chrispy simply announced that he guaranteed that everything purchased was worth what you paid for it. (I have the feeling that he might be evasive if asked to put this in writing however.) Chrispy began with a shirt donated to the auction by the White Pavilion, which is one of the vendors you may see on a future page of this missive if I remember to take a good photo of it. (As opposed to the sorts of photos I usually take.) Chrispy is very good at amusing the audience as you can see in the photo of Jamaica Rose below center. William's first item was an onion bottle, donated by Vendor EXtraordinairre Greg Hudson of the Hudson Bay Trading company or Weeping Heart Trading Company or Rev War Supplier or whatever the hell he calls himself these days.
Photo: Mission
|
Photo: Mission
|
 Photo: Mission |
The first few items were apparently the end of the normal auction. The more items that got auctioned off, the weirder the whole affair became. Now, I am not trying to cast asperations on the fine and newly -established auction firm of Chrispy and Brand or anything, but auctioneer Chrispy seemed to relish the fact that he could swing large, heavy objects around over the head of the crowd. He seemed particulary keen on waving it over Diosa's head. Nor am I really sure just how professional this firm was - they stopped the auction in the middle to place a long-distance call to the much-missed Captain Jim of the Mercury Crew. We all screamed lustily, "Hi Captain Jim!" and only one person, who shall remain nameless, added, "...you bastard!" Despite all this, the audience was able to bid on a fine array of items donated to the fort when they weren't doubled over in paroxysms of laughter, stunned into disbelief or cringing in fear from all the wild heavy-object waving.
 Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
|
It just kept snowballing. (I'm going to run out of adjectives.) Chrispy was so threatening while displaying and auctioning large, heavy objects that it got to the point where even his waving of a simple William Red Wake-designed T-shirt caused the audience to cower. (See Drop Dead Gorgeous below left.) He also engaged in what might be called 'cajoling' of the women. See him smooth-talking Diosa below center left. Your author also learned that the firm of Chrispy and Brand actually sold weapons to known criminals like those seen below center right. They were also willing to sell weapons of single destruction to minors like Jill-Handed Red's son Youngblood (seen eying the sword he would soon own below right. When he won his secord or third such weapons, one of the guys in the audience shouted "What's the little Dahmer wannabe going to do with that bladed weapon?)
Photo: Mission
|
 Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
|
Photo: Mission
I don't know what it was that Chrispy was drinking (or what it was the audience was drinking), but it must have been
something. He went from standing on the table benches (as seen above) to standing on the tables.
And he was selling a drawing. Granted, it was done of the Anne Bonny and Mary Read Tryal that
very day by Don Maitz (who did the drawing of Captain Morgan that you see on the rum bottles), but still.
Your surgeon guesses that it must have been in the Chrispy and Brand plan of sale to threaten the auction patrons with
bodily harm if they weren't paying what Chrispy thought his items were worth. I won't even tell you some of the comments
he made while selling the Viceroy's binky - Puss-in-Boots. (But I'll bet you can just about imagine...) On top of all that,
the auctioneers started bidding on their own items, probably to raise the price. (Or, maybe, just maybe, to win the items.
See Fayma below center right with a waistcoat she won.)
All kidding aside, it was a great auction. madPete had brought a leather map case in which he had tooled a map of the Caribbean. He told me he had just decided to try leatherworking one day and found it to be easy. Others must have been a little more impressed with his skills than he was, because it fetched $60 in the auction. Shay had donated two butterscoctch nutlogs to the proceedings (one of which I happen to be eating as I type this) and they sold for $12 and $17 respectively. Curiously, they were both sold to Pete of the crew whose name I cannot discover who also bought one last year. I think she needs to go into business.
Photo: Shay
|
Photo: Shay
|
Photo: Shay
|
 Photo: Mission |
Following all that there was another very non-PC slave auction. Well, that's what I was told, anyhow. To be honest, Shay and
I had had a long day and we left as we watched Pete take and immediately start eating the second nutlog. The event had
seemed a trifle more formal than the past until the auction. It was wonderful and I really enjoyed it. I'm told they raised over
$1000 for the Friends of Fort Taylor. That tells you how well it went...as well as how much fun it was.