Pirates in Paradise 2010 - Key West, Fl
Photo: Wendy Wellman
Chapter 5 - Being the continuation of Chapter 4 with a focus on what happened after the Fort
closed to the public on Saturday night. Including a surprising discovery; watching sunset on the fort wall
with Jill-Handed Red, Beowulf, the estimable Patrick Hand and others, a delectable dinner, the uninvited entry of
the Mercury crew into the Key West Holiday parade,
living through Hurricane Shay, the parade itself and a nice quiet discussion with Patrick after the excitement of the
evening at the Green Parrot Bar. It also includes a lot of filler text in the introduction, because the author asked
the editor to "fill up all that space next to the picture of me that Wendy took. I got nothin'." Fortunately we are
professionals and we can do this without your even noticing it. But he owes us; he owes us big for this one, especially
after having to go back through that last page and make a whole bunch of corrections !
I mean, it's not our job to do all his fact-checking. You know?
At left: an awesome photo of me and Patrick on the fort wall at sunset.
Photo: John Beowulf Harris
Photo: Mission
My surgical display happened to be near the area where they planned to put the tavern for Sunday
night. When I heard singing coming from that direction, I decided to investigate. There I found a group of
pirates practicing their music. They included Bawdy Be, that Redcoat I mentioned in the previous chapter and Dropdead Gorgeous.
(Seen at left.) The Redcoat spoke to me and...and I recognized that voice... Could it be? Yes!
it was Spike Pierce. (Seen at right. You may wonder how I managed to switch his coat from red to
black. Ok, I didn't manage. This is a photo Beowulf took. I couldn't find a good one of him in the redcoat. But you can see
how I was confused, right? Right?!) Spike laughed at me and said, "I was wondering if you ever going to figure it out!" He
had cut his hair and shaved, reportedly to look like a proper British lobsterback. (Although I suspect it's more likely a part of
an agreement with the Witness Protection Program or something like that. :P )
Rather than bother them further, I left to let them get back to practicing. While I was packing up my surgical gear, Beowulf appeared. I had purchased a bottle of Conch Republic rum a few nights ago and brought it to camp with me that morning, so I broke it out. (For the record, it's a rather pedestrian rum, IMHO. It is definitely not the official rum of the PiP 2010 Surgeon's Journal. That honor goes to Kilo Kai, about which we'll talk later.) Still, it was 5 o'clock and we were ready for some rum. Since the rum was ready, too, we drank it.
Photo: An image capture that took wayyy too long to find
I must take a second to talk some more about Beowulf. This was his first time re-enacting. He came all the way from Montreal,
Canada to be at the event. Like most of us, Beowulf has had a long-standing interest in pirates which has waxed and waned
over the years. There always seems to be a trigger that gets you going again, and his was the pirate Lynch who appeared
in the premier episode of the TV series
Crusoe (seen at right - well...until NBC finds it and asks me to take it
down.) Beowulf explained,
"I LOVED the character and watched it about a million times. I especially loved his HAT.
All I wanted was to get that hat!" He found Captain Jack's Pirate Hats via Google and arranged to get one made. "I had no
idea what I was going to do with the hat...figured I'd wear it in the Walmart..."
Further web research landed him on the Pyracy Pub. "I was SO amazed that there existed a group of similar sick-minded people who liked to play 'dress-up.' I read, and read and read. I could see that the next big event...was PiP." So he reconsidered the Wal~Mart plan and decided it would be much more sensible to throw good money after bad and purchase tickets, reservations and a whole load of pirate kit (as you see in his photos below.) He told me that, "I have always been a tropical fish" and he purchased outfits accordingly. He definitely wins points for most enthusiastic newbie and I hope to see more of him at future events.
Photo: madPete |
Photo: Poppa Ratsey |
Photo: Poppa Ratsey |
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
Photo: Mission
While Beowulf and I were drinking rum and chatting, I espied Jill-Handed Red walking purposefully by. I halloed and she walked purposefully over to us. I
proffered rum, for which she produced a shot glass that was hanging on her belt. She joined the conversation which continued until I suggested we
three go up on the fort wall and watch the sunset. There's something about the Key West end of the world sunsets that bears watching.
So we all wandered up there (well, Jill walked purposefully while Beowulf and I wandered.)
When we got up there, I took off my official Patrick Hand original hat and set it down on one of the benches. Jill snatched it up and put it on as you see at right. She has a sort of Indiana Jane thing going on, don't you think? Jill is very high-spirited and animated and fun to hang around, even when she steals your hat. Plus she took that terrific photo I opened the chapter with. (It is my new favorite photo of myself.)
On the wall, we found the estimable Patrick Hand enjoying a pipe. The whole thing was very serene and pastoral, producing several really cool photos like the one below left that Beowulf took. (I think he really captured Patrick's soul in this shot. Hopefully he gives it back. You know, in case he needs it for something.) I can't resist posting a whole raft of these shots here.
Photo: John Beowulf HarrisCelebrate sunset with a smoke. |
Photo: MissionWhat we were there to watch. |
 Photo: Mission On the fort wall. (How I took this, I don't know.) |
Also on the fort wall, were Dorian Lasseter and Josephine Legarde, quietly watching the sunset and ignoring all our shenanigans. They looked so nice there that I took a bunch of photos. (Poppa Ratsey I am not, but the photos came out decently enough in my opinion. Disagree? Please write to that supercilious editor of mine and tell him. Use big words so he has to look them up.) Dorian and Josephine actually decided to film the sunset; you can see them setting the video recorder up in the photo below right. If they post this, I will be sure to link to it for all your curious readers.
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
A completely "Aww..." moment
Once the sun sets in Key West, it gets dark. (Startling fact, isn't it?) It gets dark fast. Being
a period campsite, the only lighting we had were lanterns (and my camera flash). People began to drift off the wall and headed down
to see how dinner was coming along. In the Mercury camp, Paula was preparing the table while chatting with
Sansanee as you can see below left. (I should note that I am not at all sure how this differs from any other time
in Paula and Jon's campsite - there was always food around as I have mentioned.)
For Saturday dinner, Lily Alexander had prepared a cheese and broccoli soup using a period recipe. She had made a special batch for me that was based on a vegetable stock and I was really looking forward to trying it. I don't want to say I liked it a lot, but I went back for seconds... and thirds...and fourths. In fact, when I got back from the parade (about which you'll hear shortly), I had a few more helpings. One good thing about being a vegetarian is that there is almost always some left over. (Everyone else goes for the stuff with the meat in it.) This was another in a string of wonderful meals; the food was terrific all weekend. With the arrival of dinner, people broke out the adult beverages in earnest. If you were lucky, you could get a bit of Willie Wobble's Wobble Juice, poured from his hand knotted and wrapped bottles (below right).
Photo: MissionPaula & Sansanne preparing for dinner |
Photo: MissionBawdy Be ladles out wickedly good soup |
 Photo: Mission Wobble juice! |
Photo: Mission
Shay with garnish
Photo: Mission's Camera
Mission & Pete in the rumble seat!
With dinner over, Shay announced that it was time to take the Model A and go join the parade. Now you may recall that I said
a few chapters back that I had told Shay to check to see what she needed to do to get in the parade. In fact, Shay did not
check, but decided to just wing it. I thought about arguing, but I was curious to see what actually would happen. Brig
had told me during dinner that it was her night off from watching Kiera - Jack was tasked with Saturday night dad duties. (Children
and their sleep - I'm telling ya', ya' just don't mess with the system.) So I encouraged her to come to the parade with us. I managed
to sucker convince her this would be fun and she came along. (You might think she would have learned never to
trust me after last year's airport trip to pick up Jack on Saturday night.)
So she, Shay's son - Commodore Swab - and Shay were shoehorned into the front seat and madPete and I got in the back, as you see above right. One thing I've tried to keep in mind with Shay (and have not always succeeded) is when she gets an idea in her head, she will go to great lengths to try and see it though. You can't really resist if you're part of the plan, so you just have let the headwinds of Hurricane Shay push you along and hope you don't run into any insurmountable obstacles. I asked Commodore Swab if it was always like this and he shook his head, but I'm not sure I believe him.
Photo: Mission's Camera
Photo: Mission's Camera
On the way out of the Park, who did we run across but the crew of Searle's Buccaneers and DB Couper. Shay invited them to stand on
the running boards, which was a crazy idea. So they naturally did it. (If you've met the crew of Searle's Buccaneers, you will readily
understand this.) They were well-stocked with little rope-wrapped Wobble bottles containing Wobble
juice. Now this is all well and good when you're walking in a parade, but it takes on a whole new aspect when you're riding in a car.
Someone - I want to say it was Willie himself - suggested that if we were stopped by the police, everyone should hold the Wobble
bottles outside the car because then we couldn't get in trouble for having open containers.
Photo: Mission's Camera
Uh huh. Of course,
the mere mention of the police was practically the Kiss of Death...
Not being wholly familiar with Key West, Shay got all turned around and wound up at the intersection of Duvall and Roosevelt which is right where the parade would be taking a right turn. The road was blocked off and guarded by...you guessed it... the police. I heard Brig say, "We're going to jail," in a plain voice. (She later said that if he started looking too closely into the car that she was going to bolt.) The cop informed Shay she couldn't go through. "We're in the parade! We're the...uh, prologue to the parade!" "No we aren't!" I said, thinking to myself, 'We are going to jail!" I couldn't actually see the cop since I was back in the rumble seat, but I'm told he actually laughed when all this occurred. (What with it only being about a month from Fantasy Fest, I guess they're used to stuff like this. Anywhere else and we'd have been in the drunk tank - even though we were mostly sober.) The policeman told Shay that she couldn't get into the parade here and that she would have to go up a block.
Photo: Mission's Camera
So Shay turned the car around (at left) and headed back down Duvall away from the parade. Now it was time
for every single person riding in or on the Model A to voice their opinion about where we needed to go. In fact, I think some of the people
on the sidewalk saw us and offered suggestions. Some people said to go straight, others left
and still others right. (The ones who said right must have been sampling the Wobble juice a little too liberally.)
Shay had troubles of her own because there were so many people lined up on the running board of the car that she couldn't see around to make a turn even if she had actually wanted to (below right). Finally she hollered "Everyone but Mission please SHUT UP!" Me? Why me? "Where should I turn?" I replied, "Well, you have to get up (east) about 5 or 6 blocks to get to the staging area of the parade if they're in the same place as they were in 2007." Meanwhile, we were passing east-bound roads by the score. So Shay just decided to make a left on one. "Everyone make a left turn signal!" Say announced. (The Model A has no turn signals.) So everyone stuck out their arm. Shay said it must have looked like a diseased porcupine. "Now what should I look for?" she asked me. "Look for parade floats lined up along the street." Not very helpful, but that's all I had at that point.
Photo: Mission's Camera
Now that we were heading in the right direction (as far as everyone knew), the group relaxed enough to start offering more free advice.
Someone wanted to turn down every north-bound street and they made this fact clear as we passed them. It was suggested that we needed more
Wobble juice. madPete and I had stashed all the Wobble bottles on the floor of the rumble seat, so we
started fishing around for them and handing them around as we found them. (Kids, do not try this at home. In fact, how is it that you have access
to Wobble juice in the first place? Where are your parents?)
After a round of that, someone pronounced this to be "Mr. Wobble's Wild Ride" because we were all drinking
Wobble juice and it was Willie Wobble's birthday. (Well...sort of. I had heard
Willie tell people Friday, Saturday and Sunday were all his birthday. I think it allowed him to get more free drinks.) I decided it would be best to have
some Wobble juice myself because I seriously doubted we were actually going to be let into the parade. (Oh me of little faith.)
Up in the driver's seat Shay (who was not drinking) ignored all the suggestions about where to turn and chose to go down Pearl street. (Why not?) We saw a bunch of stopped cars at the end of the street and I began to wonder if she had managed to pull another rabbit out of her hat. You know what? She had. That is the power of Hurricane Shay.
With an unerring sense of what can only be luck, Shay had managed to come out on the side street where the group in front of us was the Southernmost Antique Car Club and the group behind us was the pirates! I have no idea how she did that and she wouldn't tell me. There was a guy on a little motorcycle blocking the side street and when he saw the Model A he just assumed we belonged in the parade. The car club president came over and ooh-ed and aah-ed over Shay's all-original auto and suggested we bring up the rear of their group since the pirates were right behind them. On top of everything else, it turned out that the Model A was the oldest original car in the parade! While we were waiting, a group of kids dressed as angels came over from another float and asked to pose with us. (If they only knew...) Yep, we out-of-towners were impressing the locals. Of course, this is Key West and pirates are sort of celebrated there. This called for a recipricol shot which you can see below right. Then they gave us a bunch of lolly-pops and flew back to their float.
Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
The parade started late, which meant we were just in time, having to wait only 10 or 15 minutes instead of the hour everyone else
had been waIting. From other adventures with Shay, I must note that this sort of weird luck seems to follow her.
The parade itself was anti-climatic. I don't want to give you the wrong impression, because the parade was exciting. It was fun listening to Shay and Brig get drowned out trying to sing Shay's composition, "It's the Most Blunderbuss Time of the Year"*. It allowed us the opportunity to say "Merry Christmas" a least three hundred thousand consecutive times and wave until our shoulders practically fell out of their sockets. (See below left.) It was also entertainging to watch Willie Wobble give out beads, chosing his targets with the utmost care (below center). Then there was Doug, who had thoughtfully brought shackles, picking women out of the crowd and shackling himself to them. Plus there were some good natured shannanigens like Commodore Swab's suggestion that we 'push' the Model A (below right, with DB Couper helping and madPete directing from the rumble seat). But while all of these things were what we thought we came for, they were no where near as exciting as actually managing to find a way to get into the parade.
*It's the most blunderbuss time of the year, w/ the pirate's a drinkin' and everyone thinking of rum and good beer
It's the most blunderbuss time of the year [voice goes UP]
There'll be cannons a thunderin' and pirate's aplunderin', wenches for friend and for foe
There'll be treasure acquirin' with muskets a firing, and tales of so long, long ago
It's the most blunderbuss time of the year!
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Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
As I mentioned, the official pirate float we were actually aiming to find was behind us. At the wheel was the much beloved Harry Smid, who later confided to me that he had been "conned into driving." (Below left.) In the bed of the pick-up was the Viceroy, who was all sprawled out. I didn't watch him closely, but I wouldn't have been a bit surprised to learn that he was doing the queen's wave. He had the lovely Dropdead and his own personal bagpiper with him. (I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that she was playing Christmas songs on the pipes, although I did wonder if she knew how to play Amazing Grace.) Behind that was the pirate float, which I'm afraid can only be seen below right sort of hiding behind William of Searle's Buccaneers.
Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
One of the interesting things that happened on the parade route was that we kept picking up and losing pirates. This all had to do with the
local bars. (If you've ever been to Key West, you already know there are lots of local bars.) See, the folks who
had started out with us would decide they wanted a drink, and they'd step out of the parade. Several other folks had started out in the bars
located halfway down the parade route and joined us when we appeared. Patrick was one of those who joined us.
On the way back to the Fort, Patrick announced that he was getting off at the Green Parrot
Bar for a drink. I decided to join him. I always try
to make some time to chat with Patrick because he is such an interesting guy to talk to. So we jumped ship (or rather, jumped
antique auto) at the corner of Whitehead and Southard. We settled down at the back of the Parrot with draft beers as Patrick revealed that he had
10 sets of beads. He explained that during the parade, he had gone up to little kids and demanded that they give him
their spoils when they asked him for beads or candy. He explained that they had to do this because he was a pirate.
Photo: Poppa Ratsey
In this way,
Patrick managed to collect 10 sets of beads. He intended to give them to the kids who were walking in the parade at the end of the parade route,
but we scooped him up into the Model A and he didn't get the chance. So he thought he might have to give them to some of the women in the bar.
While we were talking about this, a woman appeared in front of us. "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Since she already had, we told her to go ahead. "Do you dress like that all the time?" I must admit, I was a bit startled at this and asked her what she meant. "Well, you know, it is Key West and all and I figured there must be people here who dress like pirates all the time. Like a life-style choice." I have to confess that would never have occurred to me. However, for those of you out there who love playing pirate, maybe you should move to Key West. It seems like there might be a good opportunity for you to dress like a pirate all the time. (How the hell you're going to make enough money at that to live in Key West is another question. I should have gotten her name and number so's you all could get in touch with her and see if she had a master plan for making this work.)
Finishing up our beer, Patrick and I walked back to the Fort where I had several more bowls of Lily Alexander's wonderful soup. I had no idea where my bowl was, so Fayma Callahan loaned me one of hers. Thank God for people like Fayma or your ship's surgeon would be lost. (This is why Michael and Kate Bagley keep a special loaner mug around. They know me.)
I was pretty happy by this point, what with all the Wobble juice and beer and so forth, so I wandered cheerfully around the dark fort. I saw Papa Ratsey working with someone on his computer, so I went over to watch that. He was touching up her photograph as she watched. He was nearly finished, so I asked him if he could do one of mine. He willingly pulled up a photo he had taken the day before inside the Fort and started to work on it, explaining his techniques to me. I can't say I remember all of it, but it had to do with the eyes. You can see the final picture he fixed below right. My eyes have never been so blue. By then it was pretty late, so I bid everyone good night and went back to the condo.
Photo: madPete
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 Photo: Poppa Ratsey |