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Santa Maria Pirate Weekend, May 2010 - Columbus, OH
Chapter 2nd. Beginning with the Squirrel's Story, details of the strange pink people, tour groups on the Santa Maria, the Saturday battle that the tour guide eventually chose to give a miss, and far more than you ever wanted to read about the surgeon's instruments.
I am told that Andrew Thatcher got up early on Saturday morning and discovered a squirrel roaming about the area. I don't have any proof, but I suspect this is the same squirrel as we saw last year on the premises. I think this squirrel was enchanted by the weird humans and their odd clothing. So much so that he had decided, possibly after watching Michael Bagley, that he must undertake the making of a squirrel-sized period correct outfit using available materials found when the pirates showed up again. (Ed note: Show this one to Grace, guys!)
(Photo: Thatchers)
Salmonius gathers the cast-off material for his project. |
(Photo: Thatchers)
"It might make for a nice waistcoat." |
(Photo: Thatchers)
"Goodness this paw-stitching is laborious! Good thing I'm committed to PC outfits!" |
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
Saturday morning was
another chapter in the book of "The Weird Hobbies People in Columbus
Have." A whole bunch of people decided to dress in lurid pink
clothing and take the streets downtown. (Based on my previous weekend
experience of Columbus, this is doable.) Some of our pirates were caught
unawares when they went into town searching for coffee vendors. (Coffee
- caffinated nectar of mornings.) At left, Shannon and
Poppa Ratsi wandering the streets surrounded by pinkish hues. At
right, Josh swimming upstream in the sea of pink.
Fortunately, the pirates found Dunkin' Donuts, where coffee could be procured (Connie Thatcher advertising for DD, below left. And why not? They're one of the few places that seem to be open on Saturday mornings. God love 'em.) Having filled this basic need of pirate re-enactment life, our intrepid pirates contemplated the whole pink migration and decided to be productive. Yes, like all good pirates, they set about finding ways to separate these people from their gold including a) asking for it (below center - Ryan, Trish and Shannon convince a kindly old women to pay for their coffees for them. "We're naught but humble pirates..." Behind them, Karen, Josh and Richard try the more threatening-er, direct approach.) and b) posing for pictures for a fee (below right, Trish and Shannon with a charming, shocking pink lass.)
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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(Photo: Thatchers)
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(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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Of course, none of that is true. The pink people were all downtown for the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure. Thus the pink. I wasn't there...I wasn't even out of bed for most of it...although I did get up and look out the window at one point and see a bunch of pink people wandering around. So you're probably better off ignoring anything I might have to say on the topic. For a better account of what happened, I'd suggest reading Michael Bagley's excellent blog on the topic, except it's gone now. Apparently there is some talk of people walking in the race next year dressed in garb. With that in mind, I must admit that I look forward to watching this next year...from my hotel window.
Below left: Trish, Shannon, Joshua and Richard pose with some of the Race for the Cure participants. (That's Kate Bagley looking on in her snazzy Quartermaster William Brand-designed black Mercury T.) Below right is the race. I think.
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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(Photo: From the previous page.)
I had actually gotten up at 7am whereupon I decided not to get up at
7am and so went back to sleep. I got up again and peered out the window at
the pink people. I decided to make coffee in the room and read
Sherlock Holmes. Why in the room? Remember how nice the bathroom looked
from the Hyatt web page? (at right - in case you forgot.)
Based on that, how good do you think the in room coffee was? You're
probably wrong, but it was a whole lot better than I expected and far
easier than actually getting dressed and trying to find Dunkin' Donuts.
So I spent a restful morning "at home." I knew from experience that it took a few hours for people to get their stuff cleared on the ship and I was mostly in the way during that process. I decided not to leave until 10 am.
(Photo: Bagleys)
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
Around 10, I hoofed it through the pink remnants
(crepe and human) of The Race, arriving at 11. More pirates had showed up
the night before, all of them apparently bringing fruit (left).
The ship was awash in the stuff and you could hardly sit down without squashing some of it. (right.) The Cook's Thesaurus says, "Fruits are the matured ovaries of plants, containing the seeds for the next generation of plants." So I had my usual breakfast of matured banana plant ovaries. (Thanks for that to my benefactors - plant and human!)
(Photo: Count d''Booty)
Since I had arrived around 11, most of the sleeping
detritus from those who stayed on the ship had been stowed. That was the
good part. Of course, as the first tour strolled up the
gangplank before I had put a single instrument on my table,
I remembered that they had decided to open the Santa Maria an hour early this
year. That was the bad part. Luck was still on my side, however, because
I did not appear in the tour until the midpoint. I had a good 15
minutes to set up my display (left) and snarf down my bit
of mature fruit ovary.
So I suppose it all worked out in the end.
I decided to use a different arrangement this year. My collection of instruments grows continuously as I scour eBay for appropriate (or at least near appropriate) instruments to explain period surgery to the public. So what was once ample table space has gradually become quite crowded. This is the first year I decided to leave some instruments behind.
I managed to get most of my materials on the table before the first group arrived. (One thing I have learned about presenting is that the people watching you have no idea what you're going to talk about. If you miss a point or two, you're the only one who actually knows that, so it's often best to pretend you didn't forget anything and just forge ahead.)
 (Photo: Count d''Booty) Your ship's surgeon explaining how they carried all that fruit on board the Santa Maria. |
 (Photo: Count d'Booty) Ah, the looks. This is why I present - to enjoy such images of shock and horror. |
You might think after all that stuff about your surgeon's role as a
presenter that there was nothing else important going on. (Sounds good
to me.) But, no! Scurrilous forces were working in the background,
cleaning weapons, rolling black powder cartridges, preparing launches
and strapping on loads of weapons. The pirates sent three small boats
out from the dock by the Santa Maria so they could hide in the
shadow of the bridge. Once hidden, they could then head back for
the Santa Maria (which is more or less permanently moored, so
they have to come to it to take it.) With that goal in mind, off went Mark
Gist's two boats - the Firefly and the Green Black Sheep
- and the Santa Maria's own Rotting Scow
(Photo: Poppa Ratsy)
The the Santa Maria to capture...the Santa Maria |
(Photo: Poppa Ratsey)A likely looking crew in the Rotting Scow: Thomas, Sam, Michael & Nathan |
Yes, the 2 o'clock battle was underway. I was mostly oblivious to this because we had a steady stream of people taking the tour and had been pretty busy. Gunfire from the river in the middle of my presentation told me that the battle had started. The boats, having made their obligatory trip to the recesses of the bridge, now appeared with their loads of pirates who were firing upon the ship (Below left). I thought about ignoring this interruption, but it seemed a cruel thing to do to the tour group, so I suggested they go to the rail and watch the battle. (Below right.)
 (Photo: Mission) |
 (Photo: Mission) |
Since I had gotten rid of my educational charges, I went up on
the quarterdeck to take photos of the proceedings. In previous years, I
have always fired the hand cannon from the front upper deck of the Santa Maria to
defend the ship. With the addition of the Green Black Sheep,
Mark Gist needed the gun I had used for the pirate Armada. Thus, the defenders
lost a cannon and the pirates gained one. Isn't that just the way it
goes? Since I had
burned
a hole in my favorite blue shirt last year manning the hand cannon,
I was not quite as broken up about it as I otherwise might have been.
Fortunately the Rieske (sounds a bit like "risky"...I never get tired of that pun) Family Artillery were on the shore again this year to defend the ship during the battle (below left.) (I think Bloody Marty just gave Captain Red John a nice case of powder burn there...) On the ship, we had my former hand cannon partner Trish working with Kate Bagley to defend the Santa Maria with the mortar. It may not look like much, but it sure made a lot of noise!
 (Photo: Poppa Ratsey) |
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
Not to be outdone, several defenders
amassed on the deck to fire black powder weapons at the pirates. They did
this despite the fact that even the best black powder gun could not hit the
boats until they came up close. Still, they made lots of noise which made
the tourists watching happy, so it was all good. At left we
see Joshua preparing to fire while Ivan Henry and Chris crouch by the
mast and...well, I don't know what the heck they're doing. It doesn't
matter. You can roll your mouse over that pic and see what happens. (See, I'm
not just a one trick pony. Call it a poor man's Flash.)
Below left, Everyone gets a shot in at the encroaching boats. Below right, Callenish (behind the rope) watches as Chris and Ivan Henry...do whatever it was they are doing in that picture. Reloading, perhaps? We may never know. Behind them, Joshua prepares his gun for another salvo while Howard fires.
 (Photo: Mission) |
 (Photo: Mission) |
Apparently the boarding technique used at the Columbus 2009 Talk Like a Pirate Day was such a hit that it was decided to do it again. I wasn't keeping an exact count, but I believe two of the boats unladen their cargos of pirates up the two rope ladders which the Santa Maria had conveniently put there for their use. (Awfully sporting of them, I'd say.) The one I got photos of was the Rotting Scow. The first one to attempt the ladder was Nathan, who can't resist doing every wacky sea-oriented thing that comes his way. (below). Nathan did his best to scramble up the ladder, but he was surprised to find that he was being outpaced by Howard (left). This was doubly surprising when you note that in one of the above Howard was defending the ship. This was either caused by a tesseract or a mix-up in the photos between the Saturday and Sunday battles. I think the tesseract is more likely, because it otherwise means that I made a mistake. (And that certainly can't be, so just forget all about Occam's razor and move on to the next bit of text. Thanks.)
 (Photo: Mission) |
 (Photo: Mission) |
 (Photo: Mission) |
One of the boarders, Thomas Alleman, proved to be made of pretty stern stuff. Silas Thatcher came at him with his sword, only to be rebuffed. (Below left, Silas is in the red kerchief). Joshua then decided to shoot him. Ivan Henry and Chris told me that he shot him right in the face, but Thomas continued unabated, making it all the way down to the main deck without any serious difficulty (below center.) This lead Ivan and Chris to later jokingly refer to him as something like "Shot in Face", although I think they were mostly jealous because he could keep wandering around fighting while they had to lie there and play dead. (Chris, below right.)
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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 (Photo: Mission) |
 (Photo: Mission) |
With the disappearance of the indestructible Thomas "Shot in Face" Alleman, the rest of the boarders were left to face the harsh blade of Joshua and the stern stare of Callenish Gunner (below left). This must have been the right combination, for the deck was soon strewn with bodies. (Below right.) The only many left standing was Callenish, which really says something about his stern stare.
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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(Photo: Trish)
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Eventually Thomas reappeared in the company of his shooter (below left). Based on his position, I'd say he was feeling the effects of that direct gunshot to his face. ("You'll put yer' eye out, kid!") He definitely looked like someone who needed some surgical help. The two or three of you who actually pay attention to the title of these little accounts may be wondering where your author/surgeon was during all these tragedies. He was there, doing nothing! (Below center.) Well, not exactly doing 'nothing', I was taking pictures, like the snazzy one of Poppa Ratsey taking photos. (Below right. You rarely find a photo of Poppa without a camera in his hand.) See, since no one on deck could see me practicing my doctoring skills. The tour guide had decided that a little battle goes a long way and had continued the tour after a few minutes of tourist battle exposure. What's would be the point of fixing the people up if no one was there to see it? Instead, you get neat pictures. (What can I say? I'm in it for the glory.)
 (Photo: Mission) |
(Photo: Karen Jones Arnold)
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 (Photo: Mission) |