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Michigan Pirate Fest, August 2012 - Grand Haven, MI
Photo: Jennie Gist
Arf Walk dog with tennis shoes & hydrant
Chapter 4th: What happened on Saturday evening. Featuring details of the Arf Walk (yes, the Arf Walk); What happened at dinner, including the explanation for the lost shaker of salt; Fetching Mission's trading card; What pirates do when Zombies overtake the musical fountain display in downtown Grand Haven; Things that happened to [or because of] the crew at the Rosebud Bar and Grill and An evening with some of the Dufrense children telling Hollywood produced yarns around the campfire.
When things settled down and the site began to close, I packed away the majority of the surgical items and wandered over to see what was going on for dinner. The Forsaken were planning some sort of photo-shoot of which I was, in their opinion, a crucial part. Now, I am all for such things normally, but I was tired after being in the sun most of the day. Plus tops of my feet sunburnt. See, I had forgotten to bring any socks, so I was going bare legged and wearing sandals all day. M.A. d'Dogge generously loaned me a pair of socks, but I had already waited too long. So I shambled off in the direction of the Dufrenses tent to rest and avoid getting entangled in the photography session.
Eventually Mark and Jennie Gist came over and announced that we were going to dinner.
Photo: Jennie Gist
Arf Walk cowdogs in life jackets - it IS a Coast Guard town, after all.
I had sort of wanted to wait for the Forsaken Crew to finish their photo odyssey, but as it turned out that would have gone badly. As you'll learn later, they once again didn't dine until late. It's generally not a very good idea for those of us with diabetes to mess up our eating schedule quite that much.
When we got onto the main drag of Grand Haven, we immediately ran into strange wooden dog statues. Jennie insisted on photographing them. At the time, I thought it was silly, but the minute I arrived home, I decided that these would be the perfect fodder for the Surgeon's Journal. I contacted Jennie and begged her to post them so I could use them. (See, this shows you how tired I was. I almost missed the opportunity to festoon this page with odd,.colorful dog sculptures.)
Further research by Jennie alerted me to the fact that these things were part of a Main Street Downtown Development Authority effort to bring excitement and interest to the local sidewalks via the Grand Haven Arf Walk project. (It replaced the Rocket Fish project of 2011, which sounds so bizarre that I'm sorry I missed it.)
Not to get off topic here, but I actually found a complaint that the Arf Walk project was "very isolating and really only targets dog lovers." The complainant added "I strongly suggest staying with the Rocket Fish theme for Grand Haven." Thinking further on this, it occurred to me that some people really need to go out and find themselves new hobbies, by force, if necessary. Although I must admit that those empty eye sockets are sort of creepy looking, perhaps even isolating in a way. Fortunately they are offset by the artistic sense of humor the dog creators seem to have invested in their projects. Besides, there's that name - Arf Walk. Ha ha ha! It's even more clever than Rocket Fish.
 Photo: Jennie Gist Shaggy Arf Walk Dog |
 Photo: Jennie Gist Curly Arf Walk Dog |
 Photo: Jennie Gist Scooby Moe Arf Walk Dog |
 Photo: Jennie Gist Serious Black Arf Walk Dog |
Photo: Mission
Trish holding our wait token
Someone in our group had decided we should dine at the Kirby Restaurant Group. Shannon and Trish had gone ahead of us to try and reserve a table for our group of ten. You know how some restaurants give you a goofy electronic coasters filled with red LEDs that no one ever actually uses as a coaster to alert you that your table is ready? They didn't have those. Instead they gave us a red balloon, as you see at right. Somehow Trish managed to foist this token off on me. (Not that I minded that much - I am usually one who can appreciate stupid toys.)
The restaurant had an amazing array of menus displayed outside the restaurant, which we all took turns studying. I thought these might be the lunch and dinner menus or specialty menus or something like that. As it happens the manager came out on the sidewalk to chat with us and I learned that there were actually three different restaurants in the same building and each had a different menu.
Now, I want to point something out at this point. The manager was very jovial and welcoming to we pirates.
Photo: Rootjack
"Hey! Don't shoot the messenger!"
Those of you who have been paying strict attention to this Journal will remember that the Kirby was one of the two restaurants that Hookah Joe advised M.A. d'Dogge that we avoid on Friday night because they didn't treat pirate reenactors very well. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself in this story, but the food at the Kirby was delicious and the staff was very accommodating and friendly. This leads me to wonder why Hookah Joe felt that the pirates would not be welcomed at these two places. All I can figure is that he and his crew may want to bathe a bit more often in the future before they go to the local restaurants.
Of course, you can't stand around for three minutes on a sidewalk in Grand Haven without a bachelorette party appearing out of thin air and asking if they can take a photo with you. Up until this point, I had been strictly enforcing the reciprocal photo policy, but it began to be overwhelming. I have several photos of our group with pre-bridal parties, but rather than over-burden you with all of them, I will just post the two below for your enjoyment. (Don't worry, there are more to come if you're a bachelorette/pirate recip photo junkie.)
 Photo: Mission's Camera That position cannot POSSIBLY be comfortable |
 Photo: Mission's Camera A pre-bride failing to hold it together during a reciprocal photo |
Photo: Sos Boss
After 5 bachelorette photos (about 15 minutes for those of you who measure time in the boring, traditional way), we were led into the restaurant. The restaurant had shiny polished floors in the main entryway which proved to be incredibly slippery for period buckle shoes. (Why is it when I decide not to wear my tennies after hours, I inevitably encounter such things? You know?) We were then seated at a large table backed by a big garage door which the hostess opened to let some air in.
A couple of things happened during dinner that are worth noting here. Two of them involve Shannon, who seems to be a magnet for bizarre happenings. (Seriously, go back and read some of the Shannon stories in the previous Journals.) The other two do not. Shannon can't have all the bizarre stories revolve around him, after all. He's not the Bermuda Triangle. At least not as far as I know.
First, the friendly waitress brought us a round of drinks. Shannon was feeling coffee deprived as he had not had any 
Photo: Mission
The lost shaker of salt - trust me.
oil of the bean since the Tim Hortons kardboard keg o' koffee in Chapter 2nd. Shannon is a two or three pot a day man, so he was feeling distinctly coffee deprived. Thus, when the waitress brought him a mugga', he drank it all in one gulp. I don't even think he checked to see how hot it was.
Having satisfied that basic need, he headed off towards the rest room to satisfy another. There was a hallway by the rest room that was decorated in very piratey fashion of which I really wish I had gotten a photo to post here for you. It was dark-stained wood with dim, mica-shaded lights mounted in the wall. Shannon decided to stand there and wait for Trish. While doing so, a waitress came up to him, glanced and remarked "Oh, that's new." To which Shannon replied, "What is?" making the poor waitress jump half out of her skin. She thought he was a statue!
That's enough of Shannon Tales. I was sitting against the garage door/wall when there was a distinctive glass explosion outside. I ducked my head under the door wall and saw the remains of a salt shaker scattered all over the sidewalk. (At left. Trust me.) I realized suddenly that I had found Jimmy Buffett's lost shaker of salt! (Ohhh... sorry. I had to do it, though. Low hanging fruit.) Within a few minutes a restaurant employee appeared and swept up the mess. I again ducked my head out and asked him what happened. He said it had probably blown off one of the tables upstairs. (I had though one of the upstairs patrons may have been registering a protest about not being handed the menu they had seen mounted on the wall outside.)
Photo: Trish
The last story involves Bill Kroska. He was sitting with his back to the walkway when a woman came in holding a little blonde girl of three or four. The woman was showing the pirates to her daughter, probably thinking that all kids like pirates. The little girl looked very unsure of this table filled with people dressed in weird clothes. We made encouraging noises, but the mother eventually gave up on us and wandered off to talk to another table of people that she seemed to know seated on the other side of the room.
On her way back by us, Bill pulled one of those fake pieces of eight out of his pocket and whirled around to hand it to the little girl who was still being held by her mother. As Jennie Gist put it, "I thought an siren had gone off!" Bill's sudden motion scared that poor kid half to death causing her to screech like a banshee. She wasn't going to take any coins from such strange people! I saw the mother and daughter later on outside. I really wanted to get a photo of her for the Journal, but her parents thought it best that she have no further exposure to pirates.
Bill Kroska - Baby Scarer. She'll probably need years of therapy now.
Photo: Sergio Mazzotta
Billie Beach, Rats, Sergio, Stinky Bob and Jeff Ryden in the swamp
Back at the encampment, the Forsaken were doing their photoshoot. It looked really neat as they usually do. If I'd have stayed for it, I would probably would have had some awesome photos to use in my Tools and Procedures pages. Ah, well.
They had enlisted the help of Sergio Mazzotta to take the photographs (he is in the middle in the photo at left.) Sergio is a really nice guy who freely shares his photos.
The Forsaken set up several scenarios for him to shoot, of which I have inserted but a few. There are literally dozens and dozens of them. You'll find some of them on the Forsaken's Facebook page. I believe my role as surgeon would have been used in the duel scenario you see below left and center. Although when I look at this, I can't help but think of Leo Burton's wonderful little short film The Duel at Blood Creek. If you haven't seen it, you really must take 15 minutes and watch it.
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Rats and M.A. d'Dogge square off |
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Jaime and Mary Diamond with the wounded |
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Snipers. Billie is hilarious in this one. |
Having finished dinner,
Photo: Mission's Camera
The surgeon and Bartholomew Blackheart
we departed Kirby's and went our separate ways. Mark and Jennie went back to camp. Shannon, Trish and the Kroskas went off to find a bar. I went with the Sos Boss Collective to try and locate the popcorn stand that had my trading card so I could get one. Trudi Dufrense had told me that it was named 'Popcorn Paradise' and was a block or two to the right of Kirby's.
Across the street from Kirby's was a grandstand with a bunch of people sitting on it facing the water. Curious, we trooped down to see what was going on. We ran into one of the local pirates by the
name of Bartholomew Blackheart who explained that the city was putting on something called a musical fountain which was to be followed by a bunch of Zombies dancing to the tune Thriller which was to be followed by the pirates
Photo: Mission's Camera
Mission in front of Popcorn Paradise
attacking and killing them which couldn't possibly be followed by anything more. We also learned that it was pretty cold down by the water, so we decided to get out of there..
Explaining to Bartholomew that we were looking for this popcorn place, he said it would be a bit before the musical fountain started, so he would lead us there. Popcorn Paradise proved to be one of those water's edge type places that served tourists a variety of flavored popcorns. They had several intriguing flavors, but having just eaten a large meal, we skipped buying any and just asked if they had the pirate trading cards.
They had a disappointedly large stack of Mission cards, all of which they seemed willing to give me. I took two. The teenaged clerk didn't seem particularly impressed that the person on the card was visiting their humble establishment. Ah, but fame is fleeting. Having accomplished Mission's mission, the Sos Boss crew drifted back towards the stands mumbling about turning in for the night. Since their car was in a lot along the way, back to the campsite we went.
Now you're probably thinking to yourselves, "Waitaminute! Mission passed up an opportunity to see something called a musical fountain and zombies being taken out by the pirates?" And I am embarrassed to admit that it is true. See, I didn't want to be left behind and I was still dog-tired after the long day and late night on Friday. So I missed all the Grand Haven zombie/fountain/pirate festivities. Fortunately others caught some of this on film and I can present it here for all my loyal readers with (mostly) accurate commentary. I think.
Let's begin with the musical fountain since that came first. It basically looks like what it was called - fountains with lights apparently accompanied by music. I suppose that the fountains and colors followed the beat of the music, which would be neat in a 'two-minutes of fireworks' kind of way. (You know what I mean. The most interesting things about fireworks are the first couple and the finale. All the stuff in the middle... well, it's filler. Or maybe I'm just jaded. Or maybe it was so cool it made your toes curl up in delight. Which brings us back to me just being jaded.) Somehow this seems like an event that you had to borrow kids to attend if you really wanted to appreciate the magic of it all.
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta The musical fountains, appearing to be on fire |
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta The musical fountains with multi-colored lights. |
The zombies were scheduled to show up at the end of the musical fountains according to what Bartholomew had told us and that's what they did. There was a stage (with a really quaint background image that looks very bizarre when contrasted with some of the photos you'll find below.) They switched the stage lighting to red and turned on smoke machines, apparently to set the mood. Then the zombies danced to Michael Jackson's song.
Although there are photos, they really don't do the thing justice. If the idea of zombies being attacked by pirates appeals to you, you really need to have been there. Since you weren't, you can go to the video(s).. The first video was shot by B.A. Caputo, who is the brother of Trudi Dufrenses. It gives you an up close and personal feel, smack in the middle of the action. The second is an anonymous someone's video (well, anonymous to me) that was shot from the top of the bleachers which gives you an overall sense of the action. Watch them both if you feel the need to comprehend the whole thing. (And who wouldn't?) I did notice that the zombies were sometimes in synch and other times not as you see in the photos below. I am not criticizing, because Trish told me that they had spent all day practicing this. Besides, wouldn't zombies be out of synch anywhere else but in a music video? (How, oh how, did I get onto wondering what zombies would or wouldn't do? It was an odd weekend.)
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Zombies arrive. (This looks really cool.) |
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Zombies dance (in synch) |
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Zombies dance (not quite so in synch) |
As the song was ending, the pirates came rushing in from stage right (That's left.), the lights switched from red to blue and the pirates started man-handling the zombies. (Well, if it's possible to 'man'-handle the undead.) Trish reported that the zombies went down pretty easily because most of them were tired from practicing their dance all day. Several of the pirates shouted "This is pirate town!" which you will hear in the video. I thought that was overkill - it's not cricket to dance on someone's grave. (Er, so to speak.) Then the pirates ran off, headed for town and the opportunity to pose in photos with the roving bands of bachelorette parties.
Now, in my opinion, the best part of the whole thing was what happened next. Once the pirates were gone, the zombies all got up and shambled off, stage left. (That's right.) Because... they're zombies! You can't just knock them down and be done with them! Ha ha ha! That was great! I know when we have pirate battles, even the fanatically period correct ones, all the dead just sit up at the end and gather their gear after lying there for a bit. That is so lame compared to what you can do if you're a zombie! (We really need to take a page out of their book. Somehow. I'll work on that and get back to you when I come up with a cunning plan.)
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Pirates attack the zombies! |
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Pirates survey damage. (That's Trish at far right.) |
 Photo: Sergio Mazzotta Zombies leave. (Also really cool) |
Photo: Trish
The Forsaken in the 'closed' section of the Rosebud
Concurrent with the zombie attack, the Forsaken were in town, once again hanging out at the Rosebud. They had apparently taken so long to get their photos and then get ready to come into town that they had once again missed the dinner hours at the local restaurants. The Rosebud, which you'll remember we were warned did not treat pirates well, generously opened up their restaurant section to the Forsaken despite it being after restaurant hours. I guess the Rosebud staff figured they'd eat and run.
Photo: Rootjack
Oooh... what a hypocrite!
The only trouble with this idea was that the pirates were visible through the front windows of the restaurant section and every single passing bachelorette party passing by saw them and stormed the gates to get a photo.
Trish and Shannon were originally with them, but since they had already eaten, they decided and go attack zombies while the Forsaken were waiting for their food. When Trish and Shannon returned to the Rosebud, they unintentionally lead some of other pirates from the Festival to the place. Trish said she tried to keep the pre-bridal parties and non-Forsaken pirates out, but it was hopeless. The waitress was very nice about it. It's unfortunate that they treated pirates so badly. :P
 Photo: Trish One of many bachelorette party recip photos from Saturday night |
 Photo: Trish Another, with a sailor theme. (What photo is Thomas in?) |
Photo: The Forsaken/ C.A. Beach
" Hey Maudie, c'mere an' lookit this pirate guy an' his kitty!"
Eventually they left the poor Rosebud waitress to close up her restaurant area and headed out on the street. OK, I don't actually know that that's what happened since I wasn't there, but I do know that there are a bunch of pictures that were not taken in the Rosebud. So I'm going to draw that line in the narrative sand.
Saturday night was clearly prime time for the bachelorette parties in Grand Haven based on the number of photos I came across of the pirates with various swarms of them.
Billie was using that old Beach charm, by which I mean Kitty the skunk. In fact, I think it was here that the skunk really started getting called Kitty. I'm not sure when this actually started, but someone commented on one of these photos that "That bachelorette was drunk!" Although this is kind of like saying the ocean is sort of big, I can see how, through the eyes of female intoxication, a skunk puppet might become a kitty.
 Photo: The Forsaken/ C.A. Beach A sailor girl petting Billie's skunk |
 Photo: The Forsaken/ C.A. Beach What is it about licking? (Don't answer that.) |
 Photo: The Forsaken/ C.A. Beach If she only knew where that's been. |
Several odd things seem to have happened to the Forsaken during the evening based on the photographic evidence, but the strangest appears to be that Mary Diamond sold Rats to a passing bicyclist as you can see below. I wonder what she got for him?
Rats must have escaped his indenture, because he showed up in camp the next morning. It's probably best not to speculate any further on this whole sordid turn of events. (Although I still wonder what she got for him.)
 Photo: TrishMary Diamond negotiating a price for Rats with a passing bicyclist. |
 Photo: Trish "So, like... what does an indentured servant do, exactly?" |
My night didn't end when the Sos Boss Collective dropped me off at the campsite. Although I was tired and planned to head directly back to the hotel, I spotted a campfire at the Dufrenses place and decided to go and hang out with them for a bit. They are a really cool family. Because they were in charge of organizing the historical aspects of the Festival, however, they had been too busy to chat with. So I ambled over to the camp fire.
Photo: Mission
Attractive blonde girl and Zach at the camp fire
The only two Dufrenses there were Zach and Ruth. There was also a teen-aged boy and an attractive blonde girl whom I didn't know. Trudi was moving things around in their tent - an event organizer's work is never done - and I didn't want to bother her. So I sat down at the fire and listened for a while. Zach was retelling a story about someone named Chicken Joe.
I became rapidly confused. I figured Chicken Joe must be a cartoon on a TV show or something. I asked some questions and was told that he was a character in a cartoon movie called Surfs Up. Zach was apparently re-telling all parts that he thought were funny in the movie. Chicken Joe must have been the comedy relief character because he was featured in nearly all of them.
I listened for about ten or fifteen minutes, not quite following everything, but not completely losing the thread either. Zach tended to jump around a lot in the narrative, focusing on the parts that made him laugh and Ruth would chime in occasionally with an insight.
Finally he mentioned another character, Big Z, and some of my grey matter started to stir. Big Z...I had seen this movie! Big Z was played by Jeff Bridges, who was channeling another of his characters: the Dude! The Dude abides. I didn't bother to explain this to the assembled as I didn't think most of them would have seen The Big Lebowski. Zach certainly wouldn't have.
Now after all the craziness that was going on in town, you would think that I had gotten the short end of the stick sitting around a campfire listening to a pre-teen explain scenes in a movie in such as way that I didn't even realize I had seen it, wouldn't you? You would be wrong. I had a really good time just sitting there, being a part of a conversation about cartoons (I love cartoons) and listening to Zach's crazily tilted account. It was a nice end to the day.
 Photo: Mission The group at the camp fire |
 Photo: Borrowed Big Z/ (The Dude) |
 Photo: Stolen Chicken Joe |