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Pirate Fest, June 2012 - Put-in-Bay, OH
Chapter 8th: The Lob and Friends chapter featuring... Lob and friends. There were a number of animals (both real and not) at the Put-in-Bay event this year (in case you're wondering, Lob is real) and I thought it would be nice to take and put them all into their own chapter (well, he seems real to me) and bring in a special guest commentator. (I mean, I see him all the time and he's always doing things, so he must be real.) So without further ado, (Right?), I present... Snoopy! (RIGHT?!)
 That's not quite what I was looking for... |
 (All images from The Complete Peanuts books by Fantagraphics) |
 While an interesting twist, but that's not it either... |
 Well! That is definitely more in tune with pirates, but... |
No, see, Snoopy, what I brought you in for was to get an animal's point-of-view of the Pirate Fest. I thought an animal could give us a unique view of what characters like Lob, Flapjack, Scrofia and Grace think. I want the readers to see what the world of pirate reenacting looks like from an animal's perspective.
"Lob can gives perry spectacles! Lob is best of all perry spectacles monkey in all the world! Lob will go on and on... *mfffph!*"
...and on and on about nothing. That's why you'll be spending this chapter in my pocket, Lob. "*Mffth!*"
See, Snoopy, I have all these photos from the 2012 Put-in-Bay Pirate Fest. All you have to do is look them over and comment on them. Maybe we can even get some of the animals themselves to chime in from time to time. "Urmmmph Frummth!" Well, except for Lob.
Take Scrofia, for example - he's a boar.
Photo: Mission
Yes, Scrofia. See the species name for a boar is Sus scrofa and I was playing off that when I named him.
["Hakuna matata!"]
What was that Scrofia?
["Hakuna matata. It means no worries."]
In which language? Anyhow, it was his first trip after being trapped in the bowels of the storage area for the Santa Maria for a year and a half and..."Lob don't care none about boar! Boar is big pricky dummy head who get in Lob's way and makes Lob want to throw poop at stupid writer and people who...
Hey! Hey! What is big stupid-head Scuffy doing?! Puts Lob down! Let go Lob! Lob will throw poops at you! Hey! Stop! *Mfurrge.*"
I think it's probably best to put Lob back in my pocket now. Bad Scrofia! I'm afraid you'll have to be punished now. We're going to force you to ride in the passenger seat of the car all the way home!
 Photo: Mission ["Slimy, yet satisfying!"] |
 Photo: Mission Cheeky alarmed at Scrofia enjoying Lob |
 Photo: Michael Colosimo Scrofia liking punishment. ["Hakuna matata!"] |
See, that's how it's done. It's easy! Go ahead, try writing about them. You can do it!
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Well let's take another example: Flapjack. Flapjack is a monkey like Lob.
Photo: Mission
Other than being a monkey, Flapjack is really nothing like Lob.
"*Phuyyyiu!*"
He's rather calm and, so far as I've noticed, doesn't say anything whatsoever. Plus he just got a new hat. There's a story there, actually. Perhaps I should tell it.
Carla
(who is Flapjack's keeper or mother or whatever title is for the parental figures in the Sos Boss collective) explained that I had been making fun of Flapjack wearing a period incorrect leather tricorn in a previous Journal. While she found this somewhat humorous (or so she said), she decided she would make him something that was a bit PC. So Carla made Flapjack his own tricorn hat during the time between the Columbus event and this one so I couldn't make fun of it. At least I think she made it. Maybe she bought it. I didn't really look at it closely enough to be sure.
Actually, that's not much of a story is it? At least it's a mildly diverting and something to think about for a bit.
Flapjack spent a lot of his time at the displays, 'helping out,' as you see in the photos below.
 Photo: Sos Boss Flapjack takes a shot at taming Scrofia |
 Photo: Sos Boss Flapjack joins M.A. d'Dogge in the tireless effort to 'Haul Away Joe' |
 Photo: Mary Diamond Flapjack prepares to shoot kids at the Kid's Table |
At some point during the day, the ever-daring Flapjack decided to wander off into the camp and see what sort of things he could participate in. (This is in direct opposition to Lob's SOP, which usually involves seeing just how much mischief he can cause and now many bad habits he can engage in. "*Rulphth yuughh froolt!*" Hush, you.) Here are some more of Flapjack's madcap adventures in the display encampment.
 Photo: Sos Boss Flapjack with the Soldiers |
 Photo: Sos Boss Flapjack Taking a Letter |
 Photo: Sos Boss Flapjack Playing Surgeon |
 Photo: Sos Boss Flapjack Riding on Top |
Photo: Mission
You really couldn't find a more gentle, companionable creature to spend your idle hours with.
For example, we find him playing chaperone there at left. In the main, Flapjack seems to be more helpful and charming than anything else. So, as you can see, he really doesn't fit in with the pirates at all when you come down to it.
"Lob not likes Fliptop! He no throws poop! He no drinks booze! He no smokes cigs! He no gropes chicks! What the- *flurgh griff*"
Wait, here's a really good one for you, Snoopy. Grace! Grace is Tammi's dog - you should be able to speak for one of your fellow canine's right?
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Really? I mean you guys are the same species, right? Don't all dogs speak the same language? Or is it because you're just too philosophical for the average dog? "Lob is not too silly follicle for the Grace! Let me at her! Lob will show doggie a good time! Lob is one fun monkey! Teachings old doggie some of them new tricks!" "Look, Lob is cowpoker! Get along little doggie! No? Then get a short little doggie! Get any kinds of doggie you can because Lob rides again! Yee-haw!" |
 Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission "Psst! Hey doggie. Go and climb on girlie! Go now! Be hurrying!" |
 Photo: Mission "Yee-haw! Lob is ridings the doggie. Play Magnificent 7 music!" |
 Photo: Mission "OK, doggie! Jump! Jump onto girlie so Lob can show you how it is to paw the chicks!" |
Got you, you squirrel!
"Lob no squirrel! Lob is bestest dam- *gurf!*"
I really need to put a zipper on that pocket...
True. He sure gets a lot of fan letters, though. He even has his own Facebook page, you know. But in this day and age I suppose that's not unusual. So long as they don't start sending him credit card offers... You know, I have friends whose pets have actually received them.
"Lob wants credit cardz! Lob buy lots of booze and cigs and hoo- *gurn!*"
Anyhow, we were talking about Grace, Tammi's dog. Tammi and Matt took Grace on a photo odyssey during the day... well, after you see the photos below, you'll probably think of it as being more of a photo oddity...
Whatever you call it, they carried Grace around Put-in-Bay into places it would never even occur to your author to take a dog and shot photos of her. Grace got treated almost as good as we treat Lob. "*Roifths!*" Shut up.
 Photo: Tammi Grace in the gibbet. It doesn't look like a very effective torture, does it? |
 Photo: Tammi Grace in the stocks. Imagine how long her legs were after that! |
 Photo: Tammi Grace as a spooooky skeleton in some bar. Wore her to the bone, they did. (Sorry.) |
Well, we've held him back for as long as possible in this chapter, but we've come to the concluding character in our critter cavalcade.
Yep. We have to talk about Lob.
"Yee-yee-yaw! Lob escapes! Lob is best one in all animule kennel cave!"
Dammit, you ripped my pocket, you little miscreant monkey!
"No more pocket protectorate!"
Protectorate...? How could you possibly know
what that word means?
"Lob is free monkey! Lob is gonna go onna binge!"
Come back here you!
" Ye-he-he! Lob
is off for drinks and smokes and chasing dames!"
(Probably with a knife...)
Snoopy, stop him! Grab the little...
"Woo-hoo-hoo! See you writers suckers
at the later!"
Quick don't let him... geez. We have to go and get him now.
Aw, c'mon, I could really use your help here, Snoopy. I know he's kind of an annoying monkey, but between the two of us ...three of us, if you bring Woodstock... we can catch him.
You're not going to be a quitter are you? I could really use the help here.
You have those canine instincts that could be useful in hunting him out. Plus you have that nose...that nose! Sorry, what I mean is that you can use your superior sense of smell to track Lob down. (Because no one can possibly smell as bad as Lob does. We won't even need to give you something to get onto his scent, it's so obnoxious.) You started out helping me, you may as well finish.
I knew you would do it! I see Woodstock seems worried. It's probably best if we don't bring him. Who knows what Lob might do to him.
You should probably have a weapon - Lob's not dangerous, other than his desire to throw poop, but he is rather spastic. Maybe a friendly weapon like this tennis racket.
We could bring Scrofia too. He's pretty tough.
["Hakuna matata!']
You know, on second thought let's not bring Scrofia. You never know when he might break into song or get distracted by a nest of grubs or something. The last thing I want to do is chase a boar filled with grubs around the park.
Let's start looking in the display encampment. He likes to hang out there and mess with other people's stuff.
 Photo: Mission "They no finds me here! Hee hee!" |
 Photo: Michael Colosimo "Maybe I goes in for a shave! Bald monkey ass! Ha ha hah!" |
 Photo: Michael Colosimo "Is bananas in my pocket or...?" |
Hey, Snoopy, he's over there on top of the bananas! I'll distract him while you sneak around back and bop him with the tennis racket. Then I'll grab him when he's reeling. OK? All right... Hey LOB! I'm coming for you! Oh, Snoopy, look out! Lob's gonna...ouch!
Photo: Mission
Hmm. Maybe it's best if I try to catch him myself for a bit.
I wonder where Lob went? He was scarpering off in the direction of the waterfront when I last saw him. I don't see him anywhere...
Oh, look, Put-in-Bay has a buoy painted similar to the one in Key West. The Rum Republic, huh? Interesting. But not very helpful.
Lob is hard to catch because he can move so quickly - he has such long, bendy legs and large, gangly arms.
"Lob no gots large ganglions! Lob is healthiest monkey around all of place!"
Darn it! I almost had him, but he got by me again. I wonder where he could be hiding now?
 Photo: Mission "No one finds me up here!" |
 Photo: Michael Colosimo "Lob like sniffing big, stupid flower with shiny button on hat." |
 Photo: Mission "Lob in hat transit system!" |
Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place. Knowing Lob, he's probably gone off to some bar somewhere...
 Photo: Michael Colosimo "Now this is all Lob's ideas about living!" |
 Photo: Mission's Camera "Lost in the forest of goodnesses!" |
 Photo: Michael Colosimo "Pudding-Bay be Lob's kind of place!" |
 Photo: Mary Diamond "Lob does likes copping a cheap feel!" |
 Photo: Mission "Girlie said she's Thing 1, but she lie." |
 Photo: Mission "Lob gets kissings from Wondering Womens." |
Ah, Snoopy you're back. Well, it's no good. I couldn't find Lob. I'm pretty sure he's at one of the bars, but I can't seem to catch up with him. I guess we're just going to have to let him run wild on Put-in-Bay until he exhausts himself. At least it's a good place for it. It's hard being the writer of a story when your characters won't cooperate with you, you know? Well, I'm sort of tired of this chapter anyhow. I think I'll just call it a day.
"Whoo-hoo! Lob is happiest of all monkeys in Pudding Bay! Catch 'em if you cans! Wee hee hee!"
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<Suddenly and without warning, the story transmogrifies into the following series of photos.>
 Photo: Mission "Hey! Lob no likes! Ow! What happens to all booze & cigs?" |
 Photo: Mission "Ow! How does Lob gets into this place? Where is all chicks! Ow!" |
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Whoa! What happened?! How did Lob wind up there?
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Oh, so when I told you we were the writers of the story, you figured that all you guys had to do was rewrite the part about Lob! Well, that's pretty clever! You guys would make good pirates! "Ouch! Lob no thinks so! They bad pirates! Ow! Dumb bird and big-nose doggie go 'way!" |
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