Pirates in Paradise 2009 - Key West, Fl
Photo: Clint Beach
Chapter 7th, 12/6 Battle -The surgeon finally gets
drafted into a battle scenario, where he unfortunately decided to take
the most inappropriate object in his makeshift surgeon's chest to
repair the wounded. Fortunately, Nigel or Not-M.A. d'Dogge or whatever his
name is gave your ship's surgeon a fistful of pre-bloodied bandages. You
may note that this account contains a rather lopsided focus on wounded.
What can I say? I'm a surgeon. Besides, you've already seen plenty of
battle shots in past journals and it's time we focused on the important
things - enemas.
The battle actually began for me when Nigel of the Bone Island Buccaneers asked me if I was going to be a surgeon during the battle today. Since I had not been to a battle yet, I agreed to do it. He disappeared and then reappeared with reams and reams of bandages with blood on them so that I could bandage people up. (Getting me to do this had apparently been the plan all along.)
Right: A dramatically lit picture of Nigel, or He Who Brings Bandages.
Photo: Mission
The planning of the battle had started, so I
wandered over to where the pirates were and listened. OK, I really didn't
listen at all because being the surgeon is not exactly a front-line
position...you just sort of tag along and wait and see if anyone remembers
to fall down so you can fix them up. Much planning and writing in the sand
was done by Braze so that the battle would go well. (I guess it was a
little disorganized on Friday and the Saturday battle had been called off because
of rain. So we had a double-header on Sunday.) Being amongst a bunch of pirates gathered around Braze
while he was writing in the sand with sticks was like going back in time.
During a pause in the plotting, I loudly asked if anyone was planning to
die which they all seemed to think was funny. Who can I fix up if no one
falls down?
Left and below: Braze making battle plans with help from Cutter.
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
Photo: Mission
We were all relieved once the plan was decided upon
because everyone could go back to talking about seams, buying powder and
sewing proper button holes again.
Left: Cutter and friend. Right: Oderless Eye, Spike, Sarah, Countessa Morgana Drakea, Stynky Tudor and First Mate Matt converse.
Photo: Mission
Photo: William Pace
We eventually trooped out to the field across the gravel, supposedly lying low by
walking along the water's edge until it become painfully aware to our feet
that it would be much easier to say "The hell with lying low" and
just walk on the packed down path. There we were joined by Patrick Hand
and Shay of the Keys who apparently hadn't gotten the message about the planning session in the sand and
had just gone to the field to taunt the British soldiers. So lying low was
pretty much out of the questions at that point.
Left: Patrick and Shay decide to join the rest of the pirates for the battle (in the person of Stynky.) Right: Margaret Raven waiting for the signal. Below: There is truly no honor among thieves (especially bored thieves.)
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Nicole Andreyko
A cannon was fired on the field and we all literally ran from our position
by the water to the fort wall which is a lot of fun when you're weighed
down by a
bunch of gear. The battle commenced. It looked and sounded
really good on the field. Once we were positioned, the small arms line
assembled on my left and six or seven pirate cannon crews gathered on my
right and the noise commenced in earnest.
Below left: The pirates cannon line. I can't even begin to name all the crews in there, so I let you figure that out.
Photo: Nicole Andreyko
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Photo: Nicole Andreyko
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Above right and below left, Dutch creates a whole lot of smoke showing us how to fire a cannon. Below right: The 2009 version of the M.A. d'Dogge cannon crew. Only one other member of last year's MD crew (Edward O'Keefe) remained on the crew. Fortunately, Fionntan Murtaugh (holding the linstock) and Gavin O'Keefe (holding the wormer...I think it's the wormer) filled in the missing spots. I believe that is also the new Archangel crew cannon, which they have named Bessy Sue Annie.
Photo: Nicole Andreyko
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Photo: Nicole Andreyko
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Below: The small arms line. In the left photo, Shay of the Keys is in the foreground - note Nigel and Braze behind the line, still trying to figure out what their plan is exactly. Also wave to the folks watching from the fort wall behind the moat. (They can see you...) Below right, another view of the small arms line with Jill-Handed Red in the foreground. You can see Patrick Hand in the red Monmouth cap and William Red Wake - my surgeon's mate for this battle - behind him.
Photo: Mission
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 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
Of course, everyone forget to fall down once they
started firing and the adrenaline kicked in. Quartermaster William had
asked to be my surgeon's mate, so I wryly commented that no
one was dying. Not one to be left out of the battle scenario, he went down the small arms line and
asked if anyone was willing to be wounded. Oderless eye must have volunteered (right), but
he fell forward of the firing line so William and I had to drag him by his
ankles back so I could work on him. Actually, William dragged him while I
watched. I was going to get his shoulders so he wouldn't get drug across
the chunks of coral, but I missed my cue or something. Turns out Oderless
had actually decided to go ahead and die, so my ministrations were all for naught as he
lay there with a uselessly applied pre-bloodied bandage on his leg. (Hey,
at least I stopped the bleeding.)
Photo: Nicole Andreyko
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Photo: Nicole Andreyko
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After a period of firing of cannon and hand weapons, the pirates rushed forward, brandishing their swords to begin the second part of the scheduled battle. Yes, it's time for Israel Cross, Action Hero! to spring (in the case of the upper right photo, literally) into action! See, he has to do that because he's Israel Cross, Action Hero! complete with a !. Meanwhile, those who didn't have swords were sort of left without much to do, so I got a few more wounded to treat. Being something of a scientist, your ship's surgeon used only the most scientific methods to test the wounded for signs of life (below left, with Surgeon's Mate William assisting.) Of course, eventually the battle was either won or lost (and from your surgeon's perspective, one is as good as another) and it was time to sheathe the swords. (Below right, Red Jessi. I love the colors here. Another fine photo by our Mercury Quartermaster.)
Photo: Nicole Andreyko
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Photo: William
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Once a few folks had decided to get wounded and the others saw me treating them, the flood gates opened and it became all the rage. I actually ran out of bandages. Part of the problem was that the cannon crews had to stop firing once the small arms folks ran in front of the cannon line, so the cannon crews were bored and decided to go be wounded. M.A. d'Dogge later told me that he had explained to the cannon crews that if they became wounded, they could lie on the field and wouldn't have to process into the fort. So this explains a lot as well.
Photo: Ivan Henry
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Photo: Mission
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Above left: "The horror! The breakage!" Above right: The sorceress at her craft - I can hear Frank Sinatra even now. Although hers should be a good pic of Edward working, so she may have something unique there. Below left: an Academy Award winning scene with Doug tending to a fellow wounded soldier on the battlefield. Below right: My former cannon trainer Mark, dead again like last year. I should create a special picture page showing the many deaths of Mark.
Photo: Jess Bagley
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Photo: Mission
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Pirates being pirates, there was another sort of surgery going on at the same time that I was tending the wounded. Yes, it was the removal of shoes, hats and other valuables from the incapacitated.
Below from left: Here we see Edward O'Keefe at his other craft - stealing from the dead. I recall Lily stealing shoes at PiP in 2007, so I guess it runs in the family. At right, he steals Stynky's hat. He should have kept it. I'm sure we could have come up with something interesting to do with it...
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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One guy I was able to repair was Nigel who announced that his eye had been wounded. I dressed him with a particularly bloody white rag Lily Alexander gave me at PiP 2007. He was so proud of it that he was still wearing it when I left the fort. He said he planned to apply a bunch of scar make-up as he felt it would impress the ladies. Uh huh.
Below left: Nigel wounded on the battlefield. I had a big bandage left, so I decided that he must have a head or eye wound. Below center: Posing with my work - another successful case for the Dread Surgeon Mission. Below right: "Hmm. Me thinks you need a fontanel in that eye to allow the bad humours to seep." He's grinning only because he has no idea what a 'fontanel' is.
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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Since I didn't have any more bandages, I pulled out the only high visibility tool I had in my bag. Can you guess what it was? If you guessed the enema syringe, you got it right. Mad d'Dogge was lying in just the right position, so I took it over to him. Someone told me he was dead and I explained that once I got done with him he would jump straight up in the air, fully recovered. I also spotted Mark, who had taught me how to fire cannon in 2007. He was also in a, er, ripe position, so I took Mission's wonder cure over to him as well. (Papa Ratzi got a bunch of shots of that.) Someone doubted that battle site enemas would have been a very effective remedy, but as Mark Gist wryly noted "When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like nail." I sagely replied "And when all you have is an enema syringe, everyone looks like an asshole." Wait, that didn't sound right...
Below left: Preparing to use the dumbest (but most visible, most appropriate to Key West and least like to actually hurt someone) instrument in my arsenal on Stynky. Below right: M.A. d'Dogge and the syringe. Well, you have to admit he is positioned for it. So this is better than processing into the fort, eh?
Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
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Photo: Mission
Once the smoke rings had dissipated, I was delighted to meet Jamaica Rose
from the pub. She's the editor for No
Quarter Given pirate magazine. She's currently working on a pirate book for kids, called
"The Pirates Big Book of Stuff." I understand there is a whole
serious of "Books of Stuff" for kids out there and this is a
planned addition. She has been nightly checking her email to see what the editor
goes hath wrought. I told her about my Surgeon's book project and she
suggested writing an article for her magazine.
She also made some suggestions about the book (The Period Sea Surgeon's
Big Book of Stuff? 'Spose there's a market?)
At right: Your author & Jamaica Rose.