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Searle's Sack of St. Augustine, FL, March 2010
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
Chapter 6th - The second part of the battle; of taking it
to the streets, gathering lambs to see the slaughter, sacking and
looting the Taberna (which is Spanish for 'Sloppy Joes'), going to
the field, fighting, fighting and more fighting.
Now, for those of you who came in here sideways instead of reading this journal in sequential chapters like it was meant to be read, I need to explain that you have wandered with foolhardy innocence into the middle of the battle that was the Sack of St. Augustine by Captain Searle.
Left: The pikers march in the streets accompanied by Mission, their harlequin.
Those of you who are reading this in proper order can skip what follows and start reading after the next brown bar. The rest of you missed a bunch of stuff that happened in the previous chapter that you must know to understand this part. Fortunately, Sergeant Jeff, the point man on this whole Searle's battle re-enactment is here to summarize it for you. I give the floor to Sergeant Jeff.
(Photo: DB Couper)
"Be seated. Men, this stuff that some sources sling around about
the buccaneers wanting out of this war, not wanting to fight, is a crock
of bull-(bad word). Buccaneers love to fight, traditionally. All real buccaneers
love the sting and clash of battle. You are here today for three reasons.
First, because you are here to rape and pillage the town of St. Augustine.
Second, you are here for your own self respect, because you would not
want to be anywhere else. Third, you are here because you are real men and
all real men like to fight. When you, here, everyone of you, were kids,
you all admired the champion boucainer, the fastest runner, the toughest
farmer, the big league pirates, and the All-Buccaneer players. Buccaneers
love a winner. Buccaneers will not tolerate a loser. Buccaneers despise
cowards. Buccaneers play to win all of the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in
hell for a man who lost the Plaza and laughed. That's why buccaneers have
never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is
hateful to buccaneers. This is why we left the Plaza and went into
some nameless alley and waited for the clock to strike five. This is why
we shot over the wall in the alley and gave the a Chihuahua a heart attack.
(Photo: DB Couper)
This why we marched on the Plaza and took it from the Spanish (bad word).
There are four hundred neatly marked graves somewhere in that Plaza. But
they are Spanish graves, which is sort of odd because there were only about
a dozen Spaniards.
"You are not all going to die. Only two percent of you right here today would die in a major battle. Okay, I just made the figure up and I really have no idea how many of you are going to die, especially with our surgeon. But death must not be feared. Death, in time, comes to all men. Some men are cowards but they fight the same as the brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared. Buccaneers pride themselves on being He Men and they ARE He Men. An army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse (bad word).
(Photo: DB Couper)
"All through your buccaneer careers, you men have bitched about
what you call "chicken (bad word) pike drilling". That, like
everything else in this army, has a definite purpose. That purpose is to
learn silly commands. Silly commands must be bred into every soldier. I
don't give a (bad word) for a man who's not always aware of his silly commands.
A man must know his silly commands at all times if he expects to stay
alive. If you're not aware of your silly commands, sometime, a Spanish
son-of-a-(comically long bad word) is going to sneak up behind you and beat
you to death with a pike and a silly (bad word) command!"
(Photo: DB Couper)
"We want to get the hell over to the Field and take that field.
The quicker we clean up this (bad word) mess, the quicker we can take a
little jaunt into the Taberna, which I happen to know is Spanish for 'Hard
Rock Cafe'. Don't doubt we can take the redoubt while we're
at it. Especially if you're a pikesman who knows his silly (bad word) commands.
I don't want to get any messages saying, "I am holding my position." We are not holding a (bad word) thing. Let the Spaniards do that. We are advancing constantly and are not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemy's..."
Well, you probably get the idea by now, just like Captain Searle (right). Or maybe not. If you're wondering "What the heck?" you've clearly never read a Surgeon's Journal. So see the previous chapter to find out what you've missed. And don't ever come in sideways again. Understand? Good.
Note: for those of you who have never met Sergeant Jeff, let me say that he would probably never give a speech like this (although never say never.) I just saw DB Couper's photos of Jeff explaining the battle plan and I thought it would be funny to put this text with those photos of Jeff, with his red hat and his coffee mug. The text is based on Patton's Speech to the Third Army, which contains lots of bad words, but is still fun in its way.
(Photo:Jess Bagley)
So the Spanish started taking it to the streets - no need for runnin'. (In
fact, they marched.) We didn't know them, but they're our bro-thers
(fellow pikers). They were raised in this living hell (we were just
visiting). We didn't know their kind in our world...and they were
takin' it to the streets. But let's let the Searle's battle plan explain
this part, since I am running out of relevant song lyrics. "The buccaneers
will pursue the Spanish troops down St. George Street." Hum. I may
have been better off with the lyrics. Oh. Oh-oh. Nah, nah. (OK, maybe
not.) Actually, it doesn't appear to be a pursuit, here, does it? You
would think the pikers would be running pell-mell instead of
marching.
Below left and above: Spanish pikesmen in an orderly retreat. Below right: the young Spanish maidens give us a little more run for our money, followed closely by the buccaneer flagman, Willie Wobble.
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
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(Photo:Jess Bagley)
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(Photo:Jess Bagley)
We, the buccaneer pikers, started out at the front of the ranks if I
recall correctly (which I'll be the first to admit that I may not.)
The riflemen were to follow us out of the Plaza. However, we had a
special drill that we had to perform at every cross street which was
called "Guard the streets!" or something like that. This
involved fanning out to the left and right at a cross street and pointing our pikes
menacingly, usually at no one other than a few tourists, so that the
riflemen could cross the street safely (below). We had actually been
advised by our leader, Alex the Great, to rely on the police, who would
also be at the intersections, if the tourists got frisky. (Although if we could
just tilt our pikes down a little more, we wouldn't need
them...)
(Photo: Callenish)
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(Photo:Jess Bagley)
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Piking is not all serious work, as can be seen by the photo below left. Occasionally, to make sure we weren't falling asleep or anything, Alex the Grate would holler out that rhyme we learned on a previous page or would make us "Advance using the Swedish Step!" The Swedish step looks sort of like what you see below right. Alex the Grape (far right in grey) is naturally doing it the best, although Joe Blunt (in yellow) is doing a serviceable job as well Note that I (back far right) am doing nothing whatsoever like the Swedish step and appear to be completely unaware that we are involved in anything military. I must confess, I was not sure why we even bothered to engage in the Swedish step during the street march, except perhaps as a way to scrape some of the leather off the side of our right shoe, but this is probably part of the reason why I am in the back of the rank (I have been trying to work " Swedish Fish step" into this bit, but I can't seem to make it work. Sorry. I'll just have to leave that reference out.)
(Photo: Callenish)
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(Photo: DB Couper)
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(Photo: Jess Bagley)
(Photo: Michelle Murillo)
While the men and women dressed like men were stomping around, Fishing
for Swedish Steps and carrying hardware, the women were mostly without
tasks. All except Diosa who, of course, found a way to entertain herself
throughout the battle. Beginning in the Plaza and continuing
through the Streets and onto the final Field, she kept inciting the
crowd to shout "¡Viva España!" This caused Alex the Grace to
make us try and outshout them with our little rhyme, which proved
to be most diverting, especially to those of us who were rhythm deprived.
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
Meanwhile, back up the street, the fleeing Spanish were starting to get
bored waiting for their pursuers. We were too busy Stepping on Fishy
Swedes, hauling around pikes and rifles and trying to stay in step. So the
Spaniards decided to stop and register their China pattern at Saint George
Dinnerware (right). Then it occurred to someone that they might as well
attack us, so they...wait! This is dull tactical stuff, so let's
hasten to the Battle Plan. "There will be two prearranged places on
St George Street where the opposing forces will exchange volley
fire." Huh. I only recall one. "The first spot is at the
intersection of St George and Hypolita Street..." Hypolita? I think
they made that name up. I don't remember that volley either. Maybe that was
where Willie Wobble performed a flag volley. (Or maybe this is just an
excuse to use the pics of Willie and the flag.)
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
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(Photo: Jess Bagley)
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(Photo: Jess Bagley)
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(Photo: Jess Bagley)
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Above: Flag bearer Willie Wobble swinging a mean flag. Those twirling lessons paid off after all.
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
Now the second prearranged battle I do remember. But let's let the
Battle Plan handle this bit of housekeeping: "The second
[prearranged place] being just north of the intersection of St George
Street and Cuna Street; at the wide area by Monk's Vineyard and the
old Spanish Quarter entrance that is now a wine shop." In
fact, this is the Taberna (Spanish for "Margaritaville")
where we were getting drunk just a few chapters ago The Spanish mass
volleyed (at left), even though they had no ball. Then
I guess they left or something. To be honest, I don't remember them
being there, but I do remember our riflemen firing over a wall, nowhere
near where there would be Spaniards. Lions, yes, Chihuahua, perhaps,
but Spaniards, no.
(Photo: Michelle Murillo)
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Ivan Henry)
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(Photo: Mission)
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Above: The brave riflemen at the "second" prearranged street battle, firing upon a lion statue. I don't know what the lion statue did, but he sure paid for it. (Michael has a nice bead on him, don't you think?) Above center: barbarians at the gate. Above right: "What? They told us to shoot at the wall!"
(Photo: DB Couper)
Now, something was mentioned much earlier in the Battle Plan
that was actually pretty interesting. However it did not take
place until we reached the Taberna (which is Spanish for
"Señor Frog's"). So here is that bit of text, a bit
out of place, but since I don't do battle exposition well go
with it. "Prearranged 'looting' of shops may take
place. (Buccaneers retrieve loot and booty that has been placed
their ahead of time and with the shop owners permission.)"
I guess we only got permission at the Taberna (which is Spanish
for "Captain Tony's") so we had to hold off on the
looting until we got there. This included the enslaving of
young women and the stealing of loot, which was strategically
spilled by Conrad to reveal it to the audience.
 DB Couper)
Conrad and the loot. Doesn't he just look piratey? |
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
The "slaves" (held captive by Doug) watch as Conrad and someone else pick up the loot. (Sorry, it's the best photo I could find.) |
(Photo: Michelle Murillo)
That gets us to a new part of the Battle Plan. Let's see... "
After the volley fires the Spanish troops will continue to retreat into
the Redoubt [No doubt the redoubt would reduce the retreat to a
reductio. OK, I admit that was really bad...] and regroup with the
townsfolk. As the buccaneers reach and pass through the old City Gates
at the north end of St George Street they will be met with cannon and
musket volley fire." This may be true, although I would actually
say we were met with massive volumes of bilious smoke.
Yes, the choking smoke was back after a brief respite in the
streets. For some reason, these photos remind me of the Michael
Crichton book Eaters of the Dead, although I'm not sure why. If
this narrative inspires someone to read that (if only to cleanse your
reading palate) and you find the connection, please let me know.
(Photo: Callenish)
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(Photo: Callenish)
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"Something came out of the fog and tried to destroy us. In one moment, it vanished. But if this has been anything but a nightmare, and if we don't wake up to find ourselves safe in our beds, it could come again."
(Photo: DB Couper)
The Battle Plan then starts going on about the rifles on the Field. If
we had to depend entirely on the BP, the Pikings wouldn't have anything
to do during this battle, so I will will fill in based on what I recall
(which ain't much) as well as stuff I make up using the photos as a
reference. Inspired by our
leader, Captain Searle, we pikers decided to take Hill 937 (far
left),
even though it was of little strategic value.
We stormed through the gates as you can see at left and were to meet the Spanish pickalos on the Field of honor... er, provided we could find them in all that smoke. We rushed forward, using the Swedish Step (so it took longer) and engaged in another push.
(Photo: Callenish)
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(Photo: Callenish)
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(Photo: Jess Bagley)
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Once all that foolishness was done with the Spanish retreated to the redoubt, doubtless for a treat. Captain Searle, who is no fool, had stayed back by the riflemen while we pikers were pushing. He ordered us back and prepared to have the riflemen engage the enemy.
 DB Couper)
Captain Searle and his hand howitzer leads the troops. |
(Photo: Callenish)
The riflemen getting ready to fire while we pikers hang back and cool our heels. (I love the shot of Peaches peeking (tan w/black hat.)) |
(Photo: Callenish)
"We've come for your daughter Chuck." |
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
"The buccaneers will move into the field next to the Huguenot
Cemetery stowing their loot and captive." In fact, I don't remember
us having captives, but maybe I was too busy in the middle of
a pikerrific push when this part of the plan occurred. "An
extended firefight (east to west) then takes place between the opposing
forces." And that's all you get from the ol' B-Plan. I
guess the devil's in the details. I imagine if you were filming a James
Bond movie, you'd come to a place in the script where it says,
"Bond gets involved in a car chase on the roads of roads from
Badesi to Santa Teresa with a motorcycle and a helicopter and then he
drives the Lotus off a cliff into the water." So let me fill in a
bit. There was a lot of firing. I mean a lot. Yep. A whollle lot of
black powder... ( Maybe I should write battle plans.)
Above ight, from left: Ivan Henry, Michael Bagley, Wes Walker (with pike) and Carlos.
(Photo: Jess Bagley)
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 DB Couper)
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By now, even the slowest readers have probably noticed that I haven't been telling you much about who's in the pictures. This is because, I don't actually know. The dirty secret of the Surgeon's Journals is that I rely on everyone else to tell me who people are and, well, they didn't know this time. I do know that you can find Michael Bagley in dark tan with a brown hat, Patrick in his medium blue coat and dark blue breeches and Ivan Henry Mooseworth all in dark blue with a black hat. The guy in the medium brown coat with grey breeches is Jill-Handed Red's husband Michael. We also had a special-ops sniper, in the form of Callenish Gunner (below right, in red.) Oh, and that's Sergeant Jeff at the far left of the photo below left. He actually had an official position of some historical significance, although I don't know what it was. (And the Battle Plan doesn't tell me.)
 Ivan Henry)
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 (Photo: Callenish)
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