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Mission Visits the UK - England & Wales, May 2013
Chapter 6th: What happened Monday morning; Taking some time to try and learn about the Village and failing to do that; Joining a tour; Exploring more of the walking paths on the grounds; Of the Dog Cemetery, the Ghost Trail and the Giant Gila Goat and A traipse on the forbidden beach.
A Sunny Stroll Down to the Hotel for Breakfast
The front desk clerk had made good on her promise of the previous evening - the sun was out when I greeted the day. Since I had to switch cottages, there were several hours for me to while away between check out and check in times. This allowed the Portmeirion staff to clean all the various rooms that I was involved with. I was planning to do my first Prisoner garb outing today, but the shoes I had purchased were still a bit stiff and I didn't want to be stuck in them for four hours if they started giving me trouble. So I punted. Sore legs or no, I was going to further explore the trails after breakfast, sans Prisoner garb. (Breakfast being, by the way, most toothsome. I again suggest that if you ever get the opportunity to stay in Portmeirion, you should seriously consider adding the breakfast and dinner package. It's well worth the money IMO.)
The Gatehouse Passage to the Grotto
The Map is the One From The Prisoner
(It is Hopelessly Wrong.)
I decided to get hold of a book they sell here called "
On the Trail of the Prisoner – A Walking Guide to Portmeirion's Prisoner Sites" by Catherine Nemeth
Frumerman. This book was written specifically for me.
OK, that's not true, but it was just what I thought I wanted – it explained (on a 
The Lower, Shell-Studded Floor of the Grotto
map) where all the Prisoner locations were. Book in hand, I went and sat on a bench in the Village so I could read it... but it was too busy and I wasn't focusing well.
So I wandered down to a little two-level pavilion called the Grotto, which was off off to the side of the main ground, facing the sea. The inside was made of curved concrete studded with shells and rocks. It was tucked away in such a manner that I managed to skim quite a bit of the book before other people appeared to violate my little hidey-hole. It was just as well; I was getting hopelessly confused. (The authoress kept referring to buildings by their Portmeirion names, none of which I recognized yet.)
The "Italianate Village" View of Portmeirion. I believe these are (l to r) the
Toll House, Battery and Prior's Lodging with the Lady's Lodge (far right). It
all sort of reminds of
me
Tatou's neighborhood in Mon Oncle.
(Unrecognizability Rating: 92%)
Having wasted enough time at that, I opted for the walking paths again; lactic acid be damned! (Actually, lactic acid doesn't care – it just keeps doing its thing, whatever names you call it.) So out of the shell cave I emerged, climbing back up the hill onto the main road. Here I ran smack into a tour of the grounds that was just starting. Well!
Joining the tour, I hoped that finding out some of the details of real Portmeirion history might help me to better understand the fake history of the Prisoner. Along the way I learned that the Portmeirion architect, Clough Williams-Ellis had gathered or been given various architectural pieces from the local gentry who no longer wanted them, yet couldn't quite see clear to destroying them in the process of progress. So Clough accepted various bits of out-of-favor construction and stuck them in his "Italiante" Village.
Inn of the Sixth Happiness Buddha
Among the other things we toured, there was a Buddha from the movie Inn of the Sixth Happiness, which Clough had managed to
The Pantheon with Dome.
The
white front with two portals is
an old
fireplace. Seriously.
convince the movie producers to give him, several building facades that had originally been scheduled for demolition and an old (and extraordinarily large) fireplace front.
Mr. Williams-Ellis would buy these things, bring them onto the property and apparently let them sit there until he dreamed up a place to integrate them into his Village. I also learned a couple of the Portmeirion names for things, which I promptly forgot, as I do with all names. Some journalist I am. With that in mind, here a few more shots of the Village. I am including the names with the hope that someone will email me and tell me I have them all wrong.
 An Outcropping of Rock in Front of the Chantry Row Cottages |
 The Street to the Hotel - Angel and Neptune (l) and Town Hall (r) |
 A Grouping of Colorful Buildings - The Battery, The Belltower, Government House and the Dolphin |
Below are a couple shots featuring the Central Piazza. This area played a central role in the Prisoner - it's the first thing Number 6 saw when he looked out his window in the opening credits of every episode (save one) and was usually shown whenever the Village was featured in the show.
 An Entry to the Central Piazza. Back left is Telford's Tower. Right is the Bristol Colonnade. |
 The Fountain in the Central Piazza. Behind it are too many things to name. |
 Another view of the Piazza, featuring the Gloriette. In back are Salutation, Telford's Tower and Unicorn. |
Danger Man Scene Featuring the Gate House in the
1961
" Under the Lake" Episode. (Unrecognizability Rating: 87%)
The Same Location in 2013. While there are a few
differences, it is still remarkably similar.
.
Before I leave the whole 'Scenes of the Village at Portmeirion' motif, I wanted to mention something I had specifically been looking for: the Gate House. This was featured in a scene in the TV Show Danger Man and I wanted a photo to compare the scene with. So here it is, even if you don't care. :)
Not the Path to the Hotel
When the tour ended, I decided
Looking Down at the Hotel From the Wrong Path
to set off for the hotel lobby, but I took a wrong turn, found myself on the walking paths. I walked right by the hotel, only about 30 or 40 feet above it, so I decided to just keep on going. Despite the fact that my quads were warning me in no uncertain terms that more rigorous climbing experiences like yesterday were not going to be pleasant in the long run, I forged ahead. I quickly found myself on the same path I had used yesterday which eventually lead to some interesting new path options – the Ghost Garden, the Beach and the Dog Cemetery. The heck with the quads...
At the Crossroads - Which Path to Take?
Each of these new sites proved to be situated on hillsides – some up, some down. And they nearly always had all sorts of interesting-looking offshoot paths, some of which had beaten-down warning signs advising the walker not to proceed any further. (So I HAD to try those now, didn't I?)
All of these paths featured mossy foliage, flowering trees, heather and variations of vegetation that were almost tropical in appearance. I took dozens of photos of this as you can see, even though I've always found that the camera is a pretty poor substitute for the human eye when it comes to
A Path Invitation Warning Sign
this sort of thing. The images get flattened and it comes across colorful, but a bit lifeless. Still, as I warned you about in the previous chapter, I've culled the best of them for you here and hope you at least get the idea of what the lovely paths were like.
On one of the scenic routes, I found a path that appeared to wind down the cliff side to the beach. It started with one of those stern warning signs not proceed. I pondered whether to continue or take the sign's advice. As I was pondering, an older couple
appeared, 
A Portmeirion Signpost reading, Beach - The Dog Cemetery - The Ghost Garden
coming back up from that direction. I thought to myself, "What the heck! If they can do it, I can." So I forged head... for about 400 yards. The path started sloping down at an alarming rate and looked a bit disused. Reconsidering, I decided that they were actually a very fit looking specie of older couple, probably the sort that ran mountain trail races and so forth. I summarily turned around, decided to obey the sign. (Hold that thought.)
There were several signposts along the way and the Dog Cemetery seemed to be featured on several of them, so that became one of the first Major Destinations for this day's walking tour. As you can see in the photos, it was... a dog cemetery. While walking the paths, I found flowers all over the ground that had dropped from the flowering trees. I occasionally picked a choice one up to carry around until I found a suitable place to drop it again. The Dog Cemetery was one such place.
 The Portmeirion Dog Cemetery. Are those trees perfect for a cemetery or WHAT? |
 A Corner of the Cemetery With Several Stones. (Perhaps for Small Yappy Dogs?) |
 The Guardian of the Cemetery, Standing His Eternal Watch |
On the Way to the Ghost Garden
One of the most interesting paths on today's tour was the Ghost Garden. I found the
Part of the Winding Ghost Garden Path
remnants of an old, wrecked slate stone coastal cottage there. I'd have liked to get a good picture of this, but the cottage was clearly built right on the edge of possibility. A cliff-side fell away from two sides of the cottage ruins quite dramatically. (Watch that last step – it’s a lu-lu!) Still, I did the best I could for you, my readers. (The fact that you're reading this means I clearly didn't try hard enough to get a good photo.)
 Outside the Ghost Garden Path Cottage |
 Inside the Ghost Garden Path Cottage |
 Directly Behind the Ghost Garden Path Cottage |
The Crevice 'Path' to the Estuary Beach.
The Ghost Garden Trail had several offshoot paths and one led down and down and down until I arrived at a large crevice in the stones with a loose, sandy path spilling from the hillside onto the beach. Now, I should note here that there was a big sign in the Village explaining to one and all that you should never, ever go onto the beach during the 3 hours around 11 am or so because of the tides and fast-moving water and quicksand and the Giant Gila Goat of Portmeirion. (OK, I made the last one up. But the rest of them were real.)
Should I dare it? Sure, why not? Down I went - Roly-poly, pell mell, tumble-bumble... and then I was on the beach. It was a bit squishy, but not quicksand. (Again, the fact that you're reading this means I didn't try to find the quicksand hard enough.) I walked along the beach until I could go no further. The morning sunlight had apparently been a passing fad and it began to rain. The squishy beach was rollicking fun and all, but I figured I may as well get myself back to that loose sand-filled crevice. Done and done.
 Estuary Stone Alcove on the Beach |
 Estuary Beach With Footey Prints |
 Beach View From An Alcove |
Word.
Of course, now I had to get back UP the spill of sandy path. This was a bit more work because you couldn't roly-poly, pell-mell your way going up in quite the same way you could going down. Fortunately the landscape provided lots of hand holds, by which I mean roots.
This was made a tad more challenging by the fact that I was ever-so-carefully trying not to use my knees while climbing. I didn't want the tell-tale signs of sand embedded in them. (Rover might see them and squash me into submission for violating the 3 hours around 11am Rule.)
When I got out of the crevice, I put my hands on my knees for a bit and vowed between labored breaths not to take any more strenuous-looking side paths. Oh, look! An interesting path that goes up! (So much for that vow.)
This new path proved to be a rock-strewn, zigzagged climb through the hillside. The higher I got, the more I thought it might actually be a mountainside. Maybe Everest. Eventually I started to recognize part of the path. For those who haven't already guessed it, I was coming up the path I had worried myself away from going down a few paragraphs ago. Yes, I was on the dangerous route; the one the fit older couple had navigated. (So that was their secret!)
 Path Up the Hill Side |
 View From Path Up the Hill Side |
 The Path Back to the Village - Very LOTR-like |