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Santa Maria Pirate Weekend, May 2011 - Columbus, OH

Photo: Mission
The post-battle crowd on the ship looking forward. Chapter 3rd.Of the post battle surge in patrons, several birthday parties (which will be interspersed throughout the account rather than gathered all in one place. Too much sugar can make you ill.); pirates in the park; another riveting account of the things Jay does; Dan N. and the Brain and whatever other random oddments I can recall for discussion.

With the battle completed and the Green Black Sheep securely docked, I went back to the Santa Maria to resume the surgical station. As as climbed the gangplank I discovered that I could hardly get to it with all the people on the ship! The battle had apparently attracted a mob of folks to the Santa Maria - I think it was probably due in part to all the racket the hand-cannon made. They must have heard that thing in the neighboring counties. From a presentation POV, this was the only time it seemed that there were too many people for effective presenting to me. Fortunately, it didn't last so long that your surgeon was completely warn out. (I mention this because I know you were all concerned about that.)

Photo: Mission What I was greeted with on return to the Santa Maria (left).

Photo: Mission What I was greeted with on return to the Santa Maria (right).

Photo: Mission
These pastoral pirate park shots always make me laugh for some reason.
One nice thing about presenting non-stop is that it makes time pass very quickly. Before I knew it, it was time to close the ship down for the evening. Since most of us had been on the ship the majority of the time it was open, we got off once things wound down. Then we hung out in the park across from the ship.

Photo: Mission
B-day Girl's Dad This should not surprise you if you've read any of the previous Santa Maria accounts; it happens every afternoon. In fact, at most of the previous events, it happened at around 1 o'clock, leaving me as one of the sole presenters for the rest of the afternoon. (Not that I am bitter.)

One of the groups of people that had come to visit the Santa Maria were doing so as a way to celebrate their daughter's birthday with a pirate-themed party. I suspect the theme concept may have been more of her parent's idea than the little girl's. She seemed to me to be dressed like Disney Princess Belle, while her parents were garbed in pirate gear. I talked briefly with her dad and it turned out that he was a Ren Faire re-enactor. He explained that his natty costume was "probably about a tenth of my re-enactment garb." So we invited him to the next event.

Photo: Mission The birthday girl's loot.

Photo: Mission The lass and her pirate cake.

Photo: Mission I guess our singing was pretty bad...

The parents foolishly invited us over to participate in this young lass's birthday celebration. (Who invites pirates to an event that features loot...I mean 'presents'?) So a group of pirates headed over to help sing Happy Birthday to the guest of honor. The birthday girl didn't seem to appreciate our efforts all that much; she covered her ears for the majority of the singing (see above left). Come to think of it, I'm not sure I blame her. We may have many talents, but singing...?

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Photo: Mission
Jay & Michael Thread the Twine We now come to the part of the Surgeon's Journal that I know regular reader's all wait for with baited breath (Whatever that means. What are they, cats?) Of course, I'm talking about the excitement surrounding the question, "What will Jay Babcock do next?" I'm sure you all remember some of Jay's fascinating past endeavors like...um...gee. Oh yes! Jay lighting his pipe at Put-in-Bay last year! And then there was Jay fixing his satchel at the Santa Maria Talk Like a Pirate Day! Good stuff, to be sure.

To keep things fresh and exciting, Jay enlisted a partner in crime for his latest escapade, which was: tying the ropes onto his hammock! Let me pause for a moment while the waves of excitement crest over you. Yes, Michael Bagley was part of this awesome happening as you can see in the photos surrounding this text. Michael explained that this was his third hammock threading, so he "knew the ropes," so to speak. (Great material, isn't this?) Under Michael's tutelage, Jay was able to put his hammock ship-shape. (The jokes just don't get any better than this. Unfortunately.) After 20 minutes of hard work, the dynamic duo had managed to thread all the ropes, although I lost interest in photographing them long before that, so you can't see it. You are no doubt much relieved by this.

Photo: Mission Michael looks up! Such excitement!

Photo: Mission A sharp move to the right by Michael.

Photo: Mission A thrilling drawing of the rope!

Photo: Mission
John Rieske showing us some of his period coins Mark Gist had decided to add a small fly-tent to the sidewalk in case it rained. This turned out to be a great place to gather and cook as well. At left you see Captain J and Mark Gist examining some of the coins in John Rieske's collection. John proved to be quite the numismatist. (There, now you've come across two bizarre words for hobbyists; don't you feel smarter?) He had some original coins from the Golden Age of Piracy in his collection which we all admired. Each coin had been put into a coin holder, which was placed in plastic binder page specially designed to hold them. Next to the coins he had photographs of the coin and a brief explanation of what the coin was, when it was in circulation and who was on it.

John and his family have been a regular fixture at the last couple of Santa Maria events, bringing their cannon or mortar out to the event to give the land-side part of the battle some oopmh. He usually had one of his sons and some of their friends along to help with the cannon, but not this weekend. It was only he and his wife. I asked where his sons were and it turned out that they were both serving as missionaries in Brazil!

This also turned out to be his 50-somethingth birthday, so his wife brought a cake and we pirates all made a miserable second attempt at singing the traditional song. He seemed to appreciate it although it sounded every bit as bad as the first attempt to me.

Photo: Mission Captain J examining coins

Photo: Original Psyn Photography John Rieske: a boy and his mortar enjoying the springtime

Photo: Mission The second rousing round of the song

Photo: Mission
Dan, the proud father of a Brain Gremlin.
Speaking of hobbies, everyone seemed to have brought their own along for the weekend. If there's one thing I've noticed about re-enactors it's that we are multi-hobbiests. (Me included.) For example, Dan Needham (aka Ben Fridely) has been working on a life-sized resin model of the Brain Gremlin for me. I asked him to do this after seeing a pirate action-figure he had created for Pirates of Paynetown in 2009. He had brought the completed gremlin head and partially completed torso for me to see as you can shown at right. Dan did a bang-up job of revamping the original kit, large chunks of which required complete re-sculpting. I was amazed with the results thus far.

Ed Rembert brought along his mandolin which he used to serenade us during the afternoon. Ed came to piracy from French & Indian War re-enacting. He had assembled enough good first time pirate kit that M.A. d'Dogge pronounced him to be an 'F.B.' (Er, Frigging Bastidge for those of you following along at home. It is a tough love term of re-enactor endearment.) Mr. d'Dogge and Kate Bagley squirreled themselves away to discuss stuff only a camera geek could appreciate. (F-stops and focal lengths, I'd imagine. This is why I have a crappy point-and-shoot camera; I can't figure all the fancy stuff.) For his part, Jay had gone off in the HMS Scow to contemplate life under the graceful arches of the Bridges in Columbus. His boat had come to some harm on the way down and I think he needed some alone-time on the water to contemplate this. Our condolences go out to Jay and his craft.

Photo: Mission Ed plays his mandolin...

Photo: Mission ...as camera geeks chat...

Photo: Mission ...and Jay and HMS Scow see the bridges of Franklin County

Photo: Mission
George carves a rose...for...? Weary from taking all these hobby-oriented photographs, I sat down on one of the park benches next to George (Who, I must confess, is really named Ken. Don't tell anyone) And what would George be doing? Engaging in a hobby! So I took a photo of him carving a rose from a stick of wood. It was coming along nicely when I saw it. I did wonder who it was for, though...

I also discovered that several people have hobbies that involve animals. (OK, I'm sort of stretching the whole hobby topic to its breaking point here, but just let me go with it. It sort of ties everything together and makes the narrative run a little more smoothly. That's one of my hobbies: finishing Surgeon's Journals before the next event begins.) Jennie Gist had gone home a couple of times during the weekend to check on her dogs. On Saturday afternoon, she decided to bring them back with her. The photo below left is of her two dogs, whose names I knew when I started writing this, but have since forgotten. (Curiously, I do not have an actual photo of Jennie withe her dogs, which would have made sense. Sorry, but there you are.) I also caught Diosa feeding the Canadian Geese, which she could do by hand, although she had to admonish the geese that if they hissed, they would not get anything. (Although the big one hissed and she gave it food anyhow; I saw her.) No one else really wanted the Canadian Geese around because they only have three hobbies: eating sour cream and chive potato chips, hissing and pooping.

Photo: Mission Jennie's Dogs Hangin' with the Pirates.

Photo: Mission Diosa feeds the geese while Thomas watches.

Photo: Mission The Geese enjoying their hobby.

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Photo: Diosa
Men with (Pirate) Hats Naturally there was some to do about hats. For whatever reason, there is often some sort of hat thing going on at pirate re-enactment events. I think this is because a pirate re-enactor's hat is part of his soul or something. I mean, look at the photo of M.A. d'Dogge and Ed. Who would they be without hats? (Men Without Hats.) So when Dan revealed a black leather tricorn that was too small for Deb's head and announced that it was for sale, several people tried it on. It seemed to fit Lilli best, so she ran all throughout the park sporting the thing...until her mom found out Dan wanted $110 for it. Then she had to take it off, making all sad and stuff. Fortunately someone came to her rescue by giving her my hat - the infamous Patrick Hand Original Planter's Hat. This made her happy or at least made her forget the leather one, which I sure pleased everyone. Well, perhaps with the exception of Dan, who figured he had a potential sale.

Photo: TrishLilli glum about the leather hat.

Photo: Mission The magic of the Patrick-Hand Original Planter's Hat

Photo: Mission
Trish cooking sausages While the rest of us were all fooling around with our hobbies, geese and Jennie's dogs, Jennie, Trish and Kate Bagley were in the cooking fly preparing dinner. (OK, it wasn't formally called the cooking fly, but it certainly became that.) Dinner was excellent and your vegetarian ship's surgeon was once again considered and taken care of. (I had potatoes drenched in butter and squash. Kate apologized to me, explaining that she had intended on making me a salad, but she had forgotten. However, things drenched in butter go a long way to healing any grievance I might have when it comes to food.) Everyone else got sausages with their meals that were cooked on a period correct grill as you see at left. (Trish's comment upon looking at this? "It looks sort of naughty, doesn't it?")

Unfortunately, Linda Ketcham had to get home for some reason and couldn't stay for the formal dinner. (Formal dinner for pirates seems to consist of washing our hands by rubbing them on our pants. sitting on the concrete walls of the park and eating with our fingers.) Since Linda couldn't stay, she got drive thru. (You must have seen that coming. Seriously.) I think she had a definite James Bond thing going on as she tooled her convertible along the sidewalk in the park past the gawping pirates. (Like in the movie Moonraker. Only without the cheesy pigeon doing a double-take.)

Photo: Mission Trish, Kat and Jennie prepare dinner for the pirates.

Photo: Mission Linda Ketcham is Bond.

Photo: Mission
Ed: "Have I been at sea too long or...*?" It's just not dinner without some kind of entertainment, is it? Fortunately the park across from the ship has always proven to be a valuable source of bizarre behavior that occasionally passes for entertainment. This day was no different. Ed had gone over to the gentlemen's where he encountered a bit of unusual Columbus-denizen behavior. As he stood there, a couple of people (guys and girls) appeared from around the blind corner dressed in different shades and sorts of pink dresses. Ed looked nonplussed, as you can see at right. Within a minute or two, several more people thus-clothed appeared. Ed didn't seem to know quite what to make of it and just stood there, one arm akimbo. We finally had to send M.A. d'Dogge over there to get him him and bring him back to the safety of the park bench while the parade of pink-garbed passed us by. Ed continued to be astounded as you can see. You may be wondering just what the heck these people were doing. Unfortunately, so were we. They just went about there business as if this were just another normal Saturday in the park across from the Santa Maria. (You'd think people dressed as pirates be ready for anything, but Columbus just continues to be full of surprises.) They paraded along the riverside and out of sight; thus ended the post-dinner entertainment.

Photo: Mission The pink dress people stun Ed

Photo: Mission The mysterious parade of the pink dress people going by.

Eventually it got dark and the pirates, being all tuckered out after a full day of pirating, headed back to the place where all good pirates go after dark - back to the ship to drink. I had had enough of it the night before and decided to abstain for the evening. This was fortunate because Ed got out this glass with several rings on it and filled it with some sort of evil concoction. You might think I say this because it was nasty-tasting, but it was actually quite the opposite. The worst drinks are the ones that taste really good, but are actually made of triple digit proof alcohols. To fool you they give them tricky, clever names like 'Sex on the Beach' and 'Screaming Orgasm.' Anyhow, Ed explained the rules of this game which were that you had to drink until you thought you had reached one of the rings on the glass. If you hadn't drunk enough to reach a ring when the glass was once again upright, you had to take another sip. If you drank past the ring, you had to start over and drink to the next ring. And so on. As I said, I'm not at all sorry I decided to go dry that night.

That wasn't the end of the festivities, however. Saturday couldn't possibly be complete without...wait for it...a third round of us singing Happy Birthday! Kate Bagley had prepared to rum-drenched cakes in celebration of M.A. d'Dogge's birthday. Several of Shannon's Cannons were placed on the cake and fired off. They managed to shoot without materially damaging the cake, so we all had some. The song was as bad as ever, but that cake was really yummy. With my blood sugar thus thrown firmly out of whack, I decided to toddle back to the Hyatt.

Photo: Mission The Pirate Ship-Shaped Rum Cake

Photo: Mission Getting Ready to Light the Cannons...

Photo: Mission ...with a Flourish!

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