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Santa Maria Pirate Weekend, May 2011 - Columbus, OH
Photo: Clint
Yoo hoo! It's time for your 'treatment'!"
Epilogue. The usual fare: some comments that
were not included in the original text; a few of the few photos that didn't
fit in the main text; the author's thanks to the photographers who
generously share their work with him and whatever other random thing that
occurs to him to stick in here.
After the event was over, the local Columbus paper carried an article about the Santa Maria Pirate Weekend entitled "Pirates hijack Santa Maria for weekend of learning, fun". The reporter and her photographer were wandering all over the ship on Sunday talking to us. You'd think this would be photo-worthy, wouldn't you? So did I. Yet I completely failed to take a photo of either of them. I bring this up here because it featured several quotes from me. I'm certain you feel that haven't heard enough about me yet, so I thought I'd share those quotes. (Well, that and newspapers sometimes pull old articles down and I want to remember what I said in case it ever comes up again. Say, in court or something.) So, without further ado, the quotes from the May 16th Columbus Journal Dispatch:
"You want to hear how an amputation is done?" Mark Kehoe asked
a family who stopped by his station.
Photo: Mission
A Brain and his boy. Now seriously,
is this adult behavior?
In front of him: more than 40 medical tools and instruments used from the
late 17th to early 18th centuries.
Kehoe, 45, of Monroe, Mich., posed as a surgeon and shared details about the trade during that time, including the treatment for various ailments, from syphilis to constipation.
Kehoe, who has attended re-enactments since 2008, spent years researching the subject, amassing a collection of tools from online auctions."
Good stuff, what? This is actually the second time I've been quoted for a newspaper article on pirates. I find this kind of odd given the fact that I would not have been a pirate at all. (Surgeons weren't required to sign the articles, so they were usually not considered pirates if they were captured on a pirate ship.
I want to quote one more line, because it's a complete lie and I think that's funny.
"Organizers say Pirate Weekend, along with the annual Talk Like a Pirate Weekend in September, is about history rather than playing dress-up." Uh huh. Truth is, we're all just playing pirates like we did when we were eight. We also do a bunch of research to make it seem like this is a pursuit worthy of adults. (Well that's what I do, anyhow.)
Before I get too carried away with narrative, I want to give a shout out to the folks who allowed me to use their photos from this event. Other people's photos add a lot to these accounts and I am always glad to have the opportunity to access and use them. Their photos are linked to their albums, all of which are on Facebook for this event. (This may mean that you can't see them, with the exception of Original Psyn's fan site.)
Diosa
 Photo: Diosa
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Clint Beach
 Photo: Diosa |
Trish Gallatin
 Photo: C.A. Beach |
Original Psyn
 Photo: Original Psyn |
Mission
 Photo: C.A. Beach |
Photo: Mission
Lillianna, piratical girl of mystery
I occasionally like to do Rogue's! Galleries featuring people I met at
these events, usually with a photo of them so that you will recognize
them should you meet them at the Gelato stand in your neighborhood or
something. So when Blue Jessica showed up with a magnificent blonde
named Rebeka, I thought she would make a good subject for the RG. I
knew she was the perfect sort of subject when I discovered that
she can touch her nose with her toe (Which she demonstrated. Twice. I
was awestruck as this is something your surgeon couldn't do if his back
were strategically broken.) I tried to get a photograph of this, but
you have never seen anyone who was so camera shy. Trish
explained this was because she was actually raised by primative South
American pygmies. She was taught to be afraid because the camera would
capture her soul.
Ha ha! I'm just joshing you there. The truth has something to do with vampires. (I'll bet you think I'm making that up.) Rebecka is also involved with the opera - she sings and produces them from what I gathered. I wonder how she does that without being photographed?
Photo: Mission
Captain J., Deb Collins and Byan on deck
In place of a photo of Rebecka, I chose to put in another one of Lilli,
because she's been on every other page in this journal and I wouldn't want
to ruin my track record. (It's a mysterious photo of Lilli as a way to
reference the mysterious Rebecka. (Note: mysterious. As in
artistically done and not badly photographed.) Actually,
Lilli told me that when she grew up she was going to dye her her the same
color as Rebecka's because she figured it would turn brown when she got
older. (See, there is a link between her and Rebecka, so the photo is now
most relevant.) I also learned that Lilli's real name is Lillianna, which
I think sounds really cool. (This has nothing to do with Rebecka, but it
seemed important to note.)
One other quick entry for the Rogue's! Gallery and we'll move smartly along. (Well, nothing in these journals would likely pass for smart, but we'll be sure to move along.)
A gentleman (of fortune) showed up on Sunday morning to enjoy the rain with the rest of us. His name was Bryan Brubaker and he traveled from somewhere around Akron to join us. Oddly enough, Bryan found out about the Santa Maria pirate gigs while he was looking for an event to attend in Florida. (Yep. A guy from Akron, Ohio found a Columbus, Ohio Pirate event because he wanted to find such an event in Florida. Funny old world, isn't it?) Seems he was going to Florida in April or May and thought it would be fun to do a bit of re-enacting. Bryan works for a museum that exhibits retired military aircraft. They were scheduled to get one of the retired space shuttles but something got mixed up in the paperwork. (Can you imagine the paperwork getting confused in the government? I mean to say...just what is this country coming to?) I asked him how he first got interested in Pirates and he said he'd always liked them, ever since he had owned the old Disney Zap-Action! Pirate models. The three of you who have read the About the Author Page on this site will understand why I took an immediate liking to him.
Cindy LeMaster aka Original Psyn, a local professional photographer, was on the boat on Saturday where she took several photos. While looking through them it occured to me that including some of them might give the Surgeon's Journal a touch of class that I usually strive so hard to avoid.
Photo: Original Psyn Photography
The Santa Maria taken by pirates! |
Photo: Original Psyn Photography
A real (8 reale?) pirate era coin. |
Photo: Original Psyn PhotographyEd takes the Mayor's Daughter. |
Since I had already decided to include Clint's wonderful pictures (on the previous page), I figured I couldn't keep class from seeping into the Journal, so I went for broke and asked Cindy if I could use her work. She generously agreed and here we are. (Well, you're there and I'm here and we're separated by time and space because...never mind. I'm wandering again...)
Photo: Original Psyn Photography
A papaya or something. (I don't know fruit.) |
Photo: Original Psyn Photography
A future re-encator if ever I saw one |
Photo: Original Psyn Photography
Diosa Tampers Wtth the Dice |
OK, that's enough quality material; it's time to return to the regular
crap. I've had a complaint that this Journal is suffering from sad lack
of stolen alternatively publicized fictional characters, so I
have to rectify that before we can get to the rest of the photos. (Yes,
I know some of you think Bat Boy is a fictional character, but that
just goes to show that not everyone recognizes a cover-up when they
see one.) Without futher ado, a wholly irrelevant panel from Sam &
Max by Steve Purcell. If you have not read the
Sam & Max graphic novel, you need to get that and
Cvltvre Made Stvpid and start enjoying life. Seriously.
 Sam & Max, Surfin' the Highway
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The Pink People from the Race for the Cure were everywhere, despite what I thought I remembered from last year. (I didn't particularly recall them coming on the ship in 2010. Actually, I didn't want to recall them coming on the ship because I think their presence in downtown Columubs made it harder for me to get a good price for the hotel on Priceline. They took all the cheap rooms.) Last year we had all sorts of photos of the Pink People, but this year I was the only one who seems to have taken them. So enjoy the few I have...
Photo: Mission
Why do women like horses so much? (Perhaps because they could stomp a man to death?) |
Photo: Mission
Some racers had pink bandages on their face. When I asked why, I was given a look suggesting my stupidity knew no depth. But...why? |
*Insert witty introductory sentence here.* Basically, these are just some photos I thought were a little humorous, but not enough to carry a whole line in the main section of the journal. So there.
Photo: Mission
Kids, never hold a swore this way. He is a trained...uh... |
Photo: DiosaIf you wondered if pirates travelled light, here is your answer. |
Photo: DiosaSaturday Night on the Santa Maria. Tennis shoes. Yep. (My feet were hurting, so just deal with it.) |
A trick I've learned for deflecting complaints from readers about how much time they feel they've wasted reading one of these things is to add a bunch of pictures of cute-as-a-bug moppets. Naturally, this is nothing short of low-down flim-flammery, so I wanted to be sure to use that technique here.
Incidentally, 'moppet' is a proper periodish term for young children. It may remind
you of floor cleaning hardware, however, so if you don't like it, you can also use
the term 'poppet.' Poppet not only sounds cute, but it also happens to rhyme. (If
I could even begin to fathom any practical value whatsoever in poetry, I might
try to write something using these two words for you. Alas...)
Not to wander too far off topic here, but has anyone else noticed that in the movie Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl, when Ragetti (the guy with the wooden eye) and Pintel are searching for Elizabeth Swann, Pintel says something like, "We know you're here, poppet." And then Ragetti supposedly repeats what Pintel said, except it sound like he's saying "Puppy..." Do you think the actor got the line wrong or I just mis-heard it. Discuss.
Photo: Mission
A gaggle of young girls play in the park. You're already forgetting your irritation. |
Photo: Mission
"Chopped that lot with my Thundarr the Barbian sword! Who's next?" |
Photo: Mission
One of those dramatic, "caught in the middle of an action" shots that never really look right. |
A couple of odd things were photographed. (Who am I kidding - everything you've seen so far are odd things that were photographed.) The first you see below left was taken by Diosa. I kept looking at it and wondering and looking at and wondering...what the heck is it? A large chunk of tree trunk shot from a trebuchet? A pigeon that swallowed an Alka-Seltzer in mid-flight? After spending many long, arduous seconds studying the photo, I decided that it must be the Caspertine. Hello, Captain Shakespeare! Below right we have a young girl holding what is no doubt a Flat Stanley. Flat Stanley is an idea dreamed up by some cretin teacher to punish children who have managed to skive off school by vacationing with their parents. See, you have to take this paper doll with you and photograph him in front of educational places you went on your vacation. Then I presume you must turn in a 23 page report on Stanley's adventures that the teacher will check primarily for grammar and punctuation. My nephew Mark gave my sister and her husband an FS when they went to Thailand, forcing them to visit some educational sites. I think they were a bad influence on Stanley, though. There were several photos of a compromising nature that I sort of doubt my nephew was even allowed to see. (Who knew Flat Stanley could drink that much?)
Photo: Diosa
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it even marginally relevant to the narrative? |
Photo: Mission
This is education? |
All good things must come to an end. And so must this Journal, especially because I am tired of writing it. So I leave you with a last few photos and the hope that you will tell all of your friends to read this. (If you got this far, you had to read it, so why not prank them?)
Photo: TrishI just like this photo. It's of Deb Collins on the ship. |
Photo: Mission
Are rare photo of the mysterious Rebecka which also shows how useless Shannon is. |
Photo: Diosa
Ed after just thinking about how much work a Journal must be to put together.. |
November 2011: In an effort to update the Journals to a consistent format, I decided to do away with the old title graphics. While neat in their way, they made this look like a site assembled by gypsies. Since these title graphics required more than a little work, I decided to attach them to the end of the Epilogue pages so my work didn't feel completely wasted. Below you'll find the original title graphic for this Journal.
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