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Santa Maria Pirate Weekend, September 2012 - Columbus, OH
Photo: Dolphin Danie
Wait... you mean we have to go in that? It's not even black... it's green!Chapter 2nd: Saturday afternoon and evening - featuring the small, but determined battle (whatever that means); What happened afterwards; A lot of chatting going on as the crowds slowed; A photo oddity - er, odyssey; The strange things Zeke and Zach do to amuse themselves; Dinner out and How Bryan cheats the HOV lanes.
The battle was a pretty small affair - by necessity. There were only three of us going out in the Green Black Sheep boat to attack: The captain (Mark Gist), the gunner (me) and the motor (the man at the oars - Captain J Gallia.) Captain J and Mark had brought their guns with them and I had the deck gun as I usually did, so we were about as well-armed as we could be for such a small crew.
Photo: Mission
The Deck Gun's view of the Santa Maria from far away
Per usual, we rowed out to the Broad Street Bridge and tucked under there to get the maximum noise reverberation possible from the first firing of the deck gun. Having nothing else to do on the way out, I had her loaded and ready to fire when we got into position. With a very loud report, we were on our way to attack the ship! The deck gun was in full throat this weekend!
Since neither Mark nor I were rowing, it seemed like a good idea to troll back and forth in front of the Santa Maria before going in to her little cove. We had a fine time of that, passing in front of the Rieske Cannon Crew's mortar. Mark traded insults with John Rieske, who excels at silly imprecations. I'd have added something, but there are some people who excel at goofy banter and some who write Journals about people who excel at goofy banter. All throughout, I was firing the deck gun which is why you don't see a whole lot of photos from our side of the battle. Captain J (between strokes of the oars) and Mark were firing their weapons as well.
 Photo: Mission Captain J doing all the work |
 Photo: Mission Getting ready to fire on her |
 Photo: MissionOur view of the defenders on board |
Photo: The Dufrenses
The firing squad! The defenders on the quarter deck
While we were out paddling about... well, while Captain J was out paddling about and we were firing... the defenders were doing their best to return our fire. On the Quarter Deck were Dan Needham, Jennie Gist and Dennis Dufrense, each firing their weapons. This must have been so engrossing that they didn't think to take pictures of it, so all you get is the one at left.
Up on the stern castle, one of the Rieske crew members had joined Danie Dufrense in firing the mortar. From the water, the stern castle mortar was second in sheer noise only to the sidewalk-based mortar which Captain John Rieske was in charge of firing.
I don't know who the Rieske volunteer was, but he doesn't look a whole lot older than Danie. The photos below actually remind me of my first time firing the deck gun, back before Mark had purchased the Green Black Sheep.
 Photo: The DufrensesOn Deck in the flag's shadow |
 Photo: The Dufrenses Danie getting the charge for the mortar |
 Photo: The Dufrenses Danie and a Rieske load and prick the gun |
Eventually we ran out of ammo. Mark cried that "We will be back!", presumably after we went to whereever it was that pirates went to get more ammo in the middle of the battle. That would take an entire day since the next phase of battle wasn't scheduled until Sunday. Then Captain J rowed us back over to the dock and the boat was unladened. (I love that term. Unladen. Isn't it cool? Unladen.) As is usual, the crowds who had amassed on the main deck of the Santa Maria to see the battle were starting to look for new entertainment, so I hauled the deck gun to its spot and quickly returned to my table. As I mentioned previously, a small group had already uncovered the instruments and were trying to guess what the tools were used for. (Wrongly, I might add.)
 Photo: Dolphin Danie How happy is THAT? |
 Photo: Mission The post-battle crowd on the main deck left... |
 Photo: Mission The post-battle crowd on the main deck right. |
Photo: Mission
While the burst of visitors was intense, it was also fairly short-lived. After an hour or so things began to taper off a bit. Eventually it dwindled to a mere trickle and the crew began to engage in one of their favorite activities: chatting.
You would think that after spending all day working on the various displays and battles and so forth people would be tired and there would be nothing left to talk about. You would be wrong. And what do you suppose it was that these groups discussed? C'mon guess. Why... reenacting!
Did we talk about the visitors or how our displays went? No, we rarely talk about that. We talk about history. We talk about where you get this or that and how it fits our characters. We talk about the way something was made and how you can recreate that technique. We talk about what we had recently read that proved some minute detail or another was correct. We talked about the behaviors of sailors and how they would stand around and chat all the time.
 Photo: Mission The Scioto crew chatting |
 Photo: Dolphin Danie Mission chatting with the Dufrenses |
 Photo: Mission Zeke fascinated by the smart phone |
Photo: Borrowed
The Original Patrick Hand Original
There was one memorable conversation I had with Dennis and Danie. We were talking about something that I have forgotten when Dennis suddenly got all excited and said something like, "Mission's hat! It's just like that Star Wars guy...the one from the Clone Wars!" He turned to Danie, who replied "You mean Cad Bane?" (Danie is so cool.)
I thought about this for a second and then I explained that if anything, Cad Bane had stolen the Patrick Hand Original™ Planter's hat concept from me since mine had been around longer than he had. (Cad was created in 2008 and I first used my Patrick Hand Original™ in 2007. Although if we're going to be really fair about all this, Patrick Hand first used the hat, I believe in 2006. That's why it is a Patrick Hand Original™.)
I must say that I had never noticed the similarity between Cad Bane's hat and mine, though. I always thought of old Cad as being more of a knock off of Lee Van Cleef.
 Photo: Dolphin Danie Mission chatting with Dennis (and Alexander) |
 Photo: Dolphin Danie Mission in the Hat |
 Photo: Stolen Cad Bane in a Patrick Hand Original™? |
Of course, as fascinating as discussing the things we've just spent the whole day doing is to a young boy, it's much more fascinating to roll around the sloping decks of the Santa Maria like a bear cub with an itchy coat. This was something Zeke dreamed up. (The rolling around part, not the bear cub with the itchy coat part.) The deck of the Santa Maria is sloped so that water coming onto it flows towards the middle of it where the deck is further sloped to usher it off to the sides so it can escape out of little holes in the sides called scuppers. (Remember that line in Pirates of the Caribbean where Captain Jack says something about how the Black Pearl was listing around the scuppers? Now you see that that makes no sense whatsoever.) Anyhow, the sloped deck called to Zeke's depths and he had to roll down it. Seeing Zeke do that called to Zach's depths and he got into the act. Then it became a comedy of sorts. Well, more of a comedy of sorts. Zeke is full of energy and Zach is full of imagination.
 Photo: Mission Zeke begins rolling down the deck |
 Photo: Mission And he continues. |
 Photo: Mission Zach dragging Zeke down the slope |
Once the ship was officially closed for the day, Mark Gist announced that he wanted to go out in the Green Black Sheep and take some photos of the Santa Maria's new paint job from angles that he hadn't gotten yet.
Now I don't want to poke holes in Mark's story, but the HMS Scow is always available for his use, even if it may, perhaps, leak a bit sometimes (or it may not.)
He could easily have taken it out to get photos of the Santa Maria whenever he liked. So I suspect he just wanted to take his fine ship Sheep out since it was there and he had just replaced one of the beams in her. (And who can blame him, really?)
Of course, every person taking pics this weekend that was there went as well as several others. Bryan Brubaker had arrived in the late afternoon and I imagine he wanted to do something interesting after all that driving, so he went with us. Jennie and Captain J. also came along for the sport of it. Since we had all the cameras in the boat, the only photos of this journey were from the boat.
 Photo: Mission Jennie, Danie, Mark, Capt. J & Bryan |
 Photo: Mark Gist Danie and Jennie in the |
 Photo: Dolphin Danie Bryan and Mark |
Photo: Mission
Line plants. Yep. Exciting, isn't it?
However, we all did dutifully take photos of the ship, including me. This is despite the fact that a few hours earlier, I had taken many photos of the ship during the battle, basically from this same angle.
I mentioned that Captain J. went along, a fact which I am now going to very subtly use to divert your attention away from the fact that I don't have enough text to fill this part of the page.
You may recall that I promised to explain how Captain J. was punished for choosing play over work. (This despite the fact that we made him work the oars.) You may also recall that I told you his wife was at a sewing convention. (There are so many comments I could make about the excitement of a sewing convention here. However, since I myself have literally spent hundreds of hours poring over the antique medical tool listings on eBay over the past 5 years, I'll hold my tongue.)
It seems Captain J.'s wife is something of a sewing aficionado. During the day he had received a seemingly innocent text message asking him his thoughts about a Baby Lock sewing machine. (Never would I have guessed that there would be a link to a upscale sewing machine company in these Journals. It just goes to show ya'. What, I'm not certian, but it goes to show ya'.) I had never heard of Baby Lock, but
Photo: Mission
A Baby Lock and a Raptor - for comparison
(For some reason the fancy fabric on the Baby Lock
looks like raw meat. It must be the raptor below it.)when you're married to a sewing aficionado this apparently means something to you. He texted some sort of response. He later got a text asking how much he thought one might be worth. (Is there anyone who can't see where this is going yet?) He guessed some number like $4000.
Hold the phone! $4000 for a sewing machine? Are you serious?! Is it a walk-in sewing machine or what? But I digress in my digression.
He got another text that asked if he thought it would be a good idea to get one that had been used during the show that was much cheaper than normal. Now, 'much' is sort of vague when you're talking about $4000. However, he took it well and wondered what he was going to find when he got home.
It turns out that this new sewing machine would be added to his wife's fleet of existing sewing machines. In her defense, she is a software engineer and they have no kids. DINCs are well positioned to buy stuff like this, so I guess if she wants a Baby Lock sewing machine, she has every reason to get one. (I won't mention how your SINC ship's surgeon happened to buy a life-sized velociraptor garden statue. When it comes to spending money, SINK is probably the better acronym for my habits.)
But we were talking about the new paint job on the Santa Maria...
 Photo: Mission Yep, just like you saw previously |
 Photo: Mission Watching the watchers watch |
 Photo: Mission Porthole Zach peeps out |
You may have noticed in the series of photos of the ship that the last one featured Zach sticking his head out of one of the portholes. Naturally each of the photographers got shots of this highlight to the ship's paint job photo odyssey. Seeing Zach do this, Zeke had to get into the act, so he stuck his head out of the other porthole giving us a nice finish to this bit.
Photo: Mission
Zach and Zeke in the portholes. Actually, they're called hawseholes, but nobody knows that so I won't mention it and confuse people.
Photo: Mission
Mark, Bryan and Captain J tying up the Sheep
With the photo odyssey over, we began to discuss dinner plans. Actually, I had already made dinner plans in advance with the Dufrenses - we were all going to dine at bd's Mongolian Grill. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I really enjoy hanging around with their family. I was also infinitely curious to see what Zach and Zeke would make of the way you prepared and cooked your meal there. So we invited everyone else to come along, which they did.
With a group like this, I find the sooner something is decided, the better. Otherwise you end up spending all sorts of time debating things. So I thought myself marginally clever having planned the whole dinner thing in advance. Alas, I had forgotten the transportation aspect of the meal.
Several debates started over how people were going to get there, who would go in what car, where to park etc., etc., etc. So I volunteered to walk. Bryan volunteered to go with me. (You have to pay to park near the restaurant. You know how I am about that.)
Photo: Mission
The interesting-looking, if not actually interesting walking overpass
Bryan and I left and let everyone else figure out how to pack the cars and determine all the complicated logistics. I always enjoy chatting with Bryan as he likes a lot of the same things as I do, so we had a nice conversation going on the way over. He is going to some swanky Halloween Event that features really exotic costumes. I asked him if he was going as a pirate and said he was not, he was going as a vampire. (And not a sparkly vampire. Bryan is cooler than that.)
On the way, I espied an walking overpass I had seen on previous sojourns to the Arena District but had never been on. So we decided to make an adventure of it. I won't say it was anti-climactic, but an overpass is an overpass.
Photo: Mission
Bryan: "Can I have summore please?"
Naturally we arrived first since we didn't have to park. They seated us at the bar tables with the tall stools, which I thought would be sort of fun. Not long after, the rest of the crew arrived. Then it was off to the raw buffet to prepare our entrees.
I don't know what I was expecting to happen, but it wasn't what happened. The Dufrense family is wonderfully self-contained with the older kids guiding and helping the younger ones and helping them to make good choices. Although they didn't even seem to need too much help at that. As rambunctious as Zeke and Zach were on the ship, they were extraordinarily well-behaved in the restaurant. I was astonished at what one of them had chosen to eat - it was mostly broccoli mixed in with noodles and possibly chicken. While not the sort of action-packed story I always try to have for you readers, it was charming in a completely different way.
 Photo: Mission 1st: The meat line. (So I get to skip ahead.) |
 Photo: Mission Danie helping Zeke |
 Photo: Mission An action shot of Zach. |
The way the grilling part works is that you stand in line until they assign you a position at the big round bar top surrounding the grill. You put your bowl of food down in front of you and a separate bowl of sauce next to it. The cooks behind the bar take the bowl and dump it onto the grill. (I always ask them to cordon my food off so that it isn't cooked with meat juice in it. It's been 14 years since I ate meat and I suspect if I tried it now I would regret it from what I've heard.) Once it's cooked, they dump the sauce into the mix and cook it for a bit more and then serve it to you.
I wish I had a funny story to tell you here like we convinced the cooks to make M.A. d'Dogge get up and sing I'm a little teapot because it was his birthday. Alas, I don't It was all just so easy and seamless. Even baby Alexander was good throughout the process!
 Photo: Mission Danie holding Zeke up to see |
 Photo: Mission Dennis shows up |
 Photo: Mission Across the grill. (Why yes, I DO like eggs.) |
 Photo: Mission Elizabeth |
Dining was also orderly and calm and just not the sort of thing that really lends itself well to a Surgeon's Journal. It was typical table talk of the type that just doesn't spark funny commentary. (What we needed here was Lob. Then it would be a party.)
 Photo: Mission Eating on the high stools in the bar area. |
 Photo: Mission One of the rare reciprocal photos from this trip - a bachelorette party |
Photo: Mission
Real pirate friends help you hide the body...
And that was it for dinner. Yeah, I know, but sometimes it goes that well. I had a great time, though. I was figuring to walk back, but Bryan didn't know where the hotel was and he wanted to drive his car over, so I volunteered to go with him and guide him. (The Mission Dead Reckoning System™ functions much better after it has been calibrated by a few trips back and forth, you see.)
When we got to Bryan's car, he had to put the skeleton strapped in the passenger seat into the back. He told me that on his trip out, he stopped at a fast food joint. The Goth girl at the drive thru window registered great shock that he would have a skeleton strapped into his passenger seat which Bryan found most amusing.
Curiously, I had once gone through a drive-thru with a skeleton strapped in the passenger seat and the fairly attractive girl at the window asked me if he was available for a date later on! (You can just never tell what drive thru girls will make of skeletons in the passenger seat. (That's my new motto.))