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Santa Maria Pirate Weekend, May 2012 - Columbus, OH
Chapter 6: Detailing what happened on Saturday evening, Finding the Santa Maria Pirate Weekend event fad; How the pirates took the Mongols by storm; M.A. d'Dogge's dinner entertainment; Mission and Blue Jessica's walk home; The crew sets to some serious drinking; The Michigan Pirate Festival contingent; Thatcher story hour and The crew's revelries.
Everything had quieted down as people recovered from a full day of pirate reenacting, Well, almost everything. Michael Colosimo had decided it was time to climb up to the Crow's Nest. Let's listen in to the commentary from that climb.
Photo: Michael Colosimo
Michael preparing for his climb
"Michael Colosimo's chosen a pretty good day to make the climb, establishing his base camp at the foot of the rope ladder leading to the crow's nest. He plans to start the climb before 6pm which is prior to the wind picking up and the fog rolling in."
"That fog can
make it difficult to mount a successful descent, JIm."
"That's right Bob."
"I remember in '48 when Millicent O'Fufawraw missed the window of opportunity and was stuck in the Crow's Nest for the entire night. Not a comfortable place to be, Jim."
"True, Bob.
Michael begins his climb confidently, using the popular one hand/opposite foot technique. He has to place his hands and feet carefully, because one incorrect step could mean the difference between a successful climb and your camera bag winding up in the corrosive Scioto River water.
He stops a third of the way up to pose for his climb photographer and to take a drink of specially formulated Crow's Nest climbing electrolyte-charged water."
"You can't be too well hydrated on a climb of this magnitude, Jim."
"You are correct, Bob."
"I recall when Dule Horzenfarthen forgot to bring any liquids in '63 and that was about the same time that President Kennedy got shot."
"What the hell are you talking about, Bob?
Michael has continued his climb, ladies and gentlemen and is quickly making his way to top where he will have to either climb through the opening located in the floor of the Nest or go over the rails."
"That's the toughest part of a climb, Jim."
"Absolutely, Bob."
"Why, one time in '37, Winnifred Wiggly couldn't decide whether to go through the hole or over the fence and so he just sat their like a stunned mullet staring at the Nest for almost an hour."
"Where do you come up with this stuff?
Colosimo has made his way to the underside of the Crow's Nest and... he's going through the opening! He's in! Colosimo has made it all the way to the top! He's waving to the crowds, circumnavigating the railing. It looks like he's making a victory lap."
"He made it right through, nice and easy, Jim."
"That he did Bob."
"Almost entirely unlike Eliot Ilgengrouverhorst, who actually got stuck while trying to make his way through the opening in nineteen ought eighteen. He was trapped there for 17 hours while they tried to get him out. They tried everything: lard, bacon fat, sweet crude, olive loaf, the jaws of life... you wouldn't believe what they had to do for him when he had to go to the bathroom."
"Oh shut up, Bob."
 Photo: DB Couper Michael starts his climb strong |
 Photo: DB Couper Pausing to look down |
 Photo: DB Couper Continue the trek to the top |
 Photo: DB Couper Finally reaching the summit |
Photo: Michael Colosimo
Captain Michael at the rail
This was Michael's first time at the Santa Maria event, although he has a long history of reenacting. He's from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and came out at the behest of Shannon and Trish Gallatin. He has known them since they met at a Pittsburgh renaissance festival in 2007. Trish and Shannon had been trying to convince him to come to the event since last year, but his schedule didn't work out until this one. Michael told me that he'd tried pirate garb at the renaissance festival, but the Santa Maria was the first time he'd attended an event dedicated to the sport. (Ren faire pirating is fun, but the emphasis is usually not on history from my experience.)
He said he really enjoyed the Santa Maria pirate experience, which isn't surprising given his background. Michael studied history at California University of Pennsylvania in California, Pennsylvania, which your author finds to be just too confusing for words. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he studied in the Ohio wing of the Michigan building while there. Michael has a long pedigree in historical reenacting, beginning with the ever-popular Civil War era, started doing 12 years ago. (I always find it funny how so many reenactors can't just stick with one period. It's like they have too much money and they have to start divesting themselves of it by buying and/or creating a whole new wardrobes that is appropriate for a new era.) As a civil war reenactor/actor he told me he'd been in 27 different productions that have appeared on TV and in movies. He has appeared on CBS, PBS, and HBO so far.
Photo: DB Couper
Our heroine, Trish
Back on the ground, people started making serious rumblings about their tummies. Or maybe their tummies started making serious rumblings to people on the ground. However you state it, folks were hungry and a restaurant outing was being negotiated. Eventually sentiments moved towards going to the BD's Mongolian Barbecue in the Arena District, mostly because Trish announced that she and a few others were going there and the rest of use were invited if we wanted to go. (Nothing worthwhile ever gets done in committee.)
Having settled that logistical nightmare, we moved on to the next logistical nightmare, which revolved around who was driving and which people were going in which car.
It is worth noting here that Trish really stepped up when it came to organizing this event. We all talked about the logistics of dealing with 50+ reenactors in advance because it was usually about half that size. But at the event itself, Trish was frequently leading the way, taking the responsible ship's mom role. (This may not come as a complete surprise to those of you who have met her husband Shannon.)
After listening to the involved details concerning the car/person assignments and which route would be best to take, I decided to walk. The Arena District in Columbus is actually
Photo: Mission's Camera
Bryan Brubaker and Mission with two young ladies in recip photo
closer to the ship than my hotel, so I knew it would not be too much of a challenge to do. Dan Needham decided to join me. Bryan Brubaker had never walked to the Arena District before, but he decided to chance it and walk with us. On the way, we talked about geeky stuff, because we're all a bunch of movie and TV geeks.
We arrived at the Barbecue after a leisurely 10 minute stroll only to discover - surprise! - the carloads of people didn't appear to have arrived yet. At least we didn't see them. We had debated on how many seats to reserve and settled upon 12 during our walk. We told the crack hostess team at the front what we wanted and they informed us that the pirates already had a reservation for 16 in the system. It appears our group had arrived!
Only they hadn't. Sos Boss's group had arrived. So we sat with them in the waiting area, which is when the two girls in the photo above right asked for a photo. (Reciprocal photos, the sign of quality Pirate Surgeon's literature.)
Photo: Mission
Two of the Mongolian BBQ cooks doing their thing. Ten or fifteen minutes later, the folks who had loaded into cars arrived and a few minutes after that we were seated and ready for dinner. Nearly everyone at my table ordered water - a testament to how dehydrating it had been out in the heat of the day in period clothing. Then we supped.
For those who've never been to a Mongolian Barbecue restaurant, I should explain. There are three stations, one containing meats, a second with vegetables and a third with sauces, spices and such. The waiter brings you a bowl, allowing you to go to the stations and select what you want in your dish. Being a vegetarian, I can skip the first station (and a large chunk of the dinner bill.) Once you've loaded your bowl, you head over to the grill where a team of very excitable and boisterous guys direct you to a station and then proceed to cook your food for you. At left you see two of these guys preparing M.A. d'Dogge and 'Becka's food on their round grill. Why this is Mongolian in nature, I have never understood. Must be the round grill.
As we were supping, a few more pirates trickled in. Before long, we had taken over most of the back area of the restaurant. (For some reason, we always seem to get seated in the back of a restaurant when traveling in packs like this. It might have had something to do with that whole "being out in the heat of the day in period clothing" thing.) If the plan was to tuck us out of sight, it sort of backfired. Every guest had to make their way through our area to get to the food stations, as you can see in the photos below.
 Photo: Mission The pirates placed at the BACK of the restaurant. |
 Photo: Mission Another view showing the pirate gauntlet leading to the food stations. |
I was sitting with Michael and Kate Bagley and Sarah and Adam Mudd (who had arrived that afternoon). While sitting there, the animated cooks suddenly rang the bell they have at the edge of their area and announced that it was some girl's birthday. She was up at the grill, and looked quite embarrassed about this, which gave Michael an idea. You may recall that this was M.A. d'Dogge's full weekend birthday tour. Michael thought it would be sort of funny to have them ring the bell and announce his birthday. (Not that M.A. d'Dogge would be embarrassed by this. It would take far more than that to embarrass him. Short of an international incident involving the Secret Service, I doubt it's even possible. Well, or so I thought at the time.)
Photo: Mission
M.A. d'Dogge takes the stage. Actually, he makes the stage of his chair.
When Michael and I went for a second trip to the grill, he told one of the cooks (the one with his back to you stretched over the grill in that photo above) that it was M.A. d'Dogge's birthday. Now the way I figure it, these cooks have a pretty hot and scaly job hanging around that huge grill all day and their one source of amusement is to try and make people look foolish when the opportunity presents itself. As Michael pointed out M.A. d'Dogge, they could see they had a really challenging case on their hands. Making him stand up while people applauded his natal day wasn't going to do. Not by a long shot. So the cook rang the bell and announced that it was M.A. d'Dogge's birthday and the two of them were going to sing "I'm a little teapot" together. Surely that would get him!
This guy had never met M.A. d'Dogge before. Standing up with that mischievous look of his, M.A. d'Dogge climbed atop his chair. The cook looked a bit abashed, but started the song anyhow and MD joined in. This is exactly the sort of thing that makes for good video, the kind that should appear on America's Funniest Home videos because it's far more entertaining than someone's overweight cat falling off a chair. So I am happy to inform you that it was so captured. Michelle Murillo/Diosa took the video, which you once could have found through a link in her Presenting the Past blog of this event. But now it's gone. People at his table told me that M.A. d'Dogge was a little red after he took his bows and got off the chair, but I'm not sure if this can be chalked up to embarrassment or exertion. You be the judge.
 Photo: Mission M.A. d'Dogge performing Little Teapot |
 Photo: Michael Colosimo MD "tipping over and pouring out" |
 Photo: Mission MD taking bows. Even the staff is amused. |
When the evening's dinner entertainment had concluded, several people decided to leave which included my walking companions Dan Needham and Bryan. I was trying to get my bill and they left without me. I figured to make the walk alone. Out of the blue, the Governor's Daughter, Blue 
Photo: Stolen
Who would wear this
tramping through the
forest for weeks on end?
Jessica, announced that she would walk back with me. I figured she must have some private thorny medical problem to discuss, but no! We talked about movies and TV shows. (A lot of pirate reenactors are really just movie geeks in interesting clothing.) We particularly discussed a show called Legend of the Seeker which I had been watching recently on DVD. I explained that it reminded me of her. (I should note here that Jessica was queen at not one, but two Renaissance Festivals last year.)
LOTS has that whole rennie thing going on. Although, as I explained to her, the first few episodes were almost wholly derivative of other sci-fi and fantasy movies and shows. Thus they didn't really make much of an impression on me. Then they introduced the Mord'Sith (Oh, that name...deRIvative!) However, Mord'Sith are a group of (very) thinly disguised S&M mistresses who serve the evil overlord of the land where the show takes place. (I believe it's name was "Not Middle Earth.") Add this to the show's running themes of forbidden love, twisted fantasies, torture scenes and leather costumes and the whole thing became much less derivative of other sci-fi and fantasy movies and shows. Somehow this all made it a lot more interesting as well, even though none of the things I mentioned are generally what I look for in good TV programs. (I look for silly characters and skeletons.)
Photo: completely and utterly borrowed
Why do I suspect a bunch of you are now going to watch this?
This isn't the reason the show reminded me of Blue Jess, however. It was the time period, continual questing through the forest and absurdly elaborate costumes that reminded me of her. No, really! She makes outfits herself and sells them, including some designed like those used on the Legend of the Seeker show.
On our way back to the ship, we came across a couple of girls, one of whom wanted to be photographed with us. It's a good thing too, because otherwise you'd be looking at nothing but more pictures of people in costumes from Legend of the Seeker. (What do you mean 'you wish that were the case?') You'll notice that in the reciprocal photo (seen below left), Jessica is holding her shoes. This is because her feet hurt and she wanted to walk barefoot through downtown Columbus! I'll give downtown Columbus this, the sidewalks are barefoot walkable. Had she been walking barefooted through my native downtown Detroit, her feet would have hurt a whole lot more by the end of our walk than they did before it.
When we got back, she asked me to unlace her stays. This is something I can do. Lacing stays? I've tried it and it's just not for me. Unlacing them? No problem - I have a long history of doing that. Er, so to speak. I was explaining to someone while doing this that you always saw guys unlacing stays, but you rarely (M.A. d'Dogge excepted) see them lacing them. As I was explaining this, my audience replied, "And your point is...?")
 Photo: Mission's Camera Recip photo with a girl we met on the walk back from BD's Mongolian BBQ. |
 Photo: Mission's Camera Now Unlacing is something I can do |
Photo: Dolphin Dani
Billie and Dani perched in the Nest. Notice what Billie's holding?
Michael Colissimo's pre-dinner Crow's Nest climb (remember that?) seemed to have touched a chord amongst several of the pirates who stayed on the ship during our dinner out, leading them to attempt the same feat. I have noted in the past that there are often events fads at these things where several people feel compelled to try their hand at something challenging. Michael's climb seemed to have started such a fad and several people decided to make the trip.
When we arrived, Andrea and Nathanael Logsdon were up in the Crow's Nest with their friend Daniel Robertson. You can see Andrea making her way up in the photo below left while Nathanael and Daniel pay no attention to her whatsoever. Billie Beach also scaled the ropes along with Dolphin Dani. You'll find the dynamic duo at right, perched inside the basket and looking down at us poor mortals
 Photo: Jim Shipley Andrea climbing to the CN. |
 Photo: Mission Nathanael and Dan climbing down |
 Photo: Mission Dani climbing down from the Nest at night. |
Photo: Mission
The crowd engrossed by Billie's search for his camera.
You may have noticed that Billie Beach had his camera in his hand in the photo above. He did not have it in his hand when he reached the deck of the ship, however. I happened to be standing on the Quarter deck when he came down the rope ladder and saw a cloth missile go shooting down from his hip. That was Billie's camera bag. Just that morning he had been boasting to someone how his camera was waterproof - now we were going to test that claim. Yep, his camera went into the Scioto. Billie made a valiant effort to quickly try and retrieve it from the boarding ladder using one of the boat hooks, but by the time he got to water level, the bag had found the bottom of the river.
He still tried to get it from the bottom of the river, but the rope ladder has a tendency to twist around even in the best of circumstances. The cavalry arrived in the form of Nathanael, who had gotten the HMS Scow to aid in the search. The Scow is ideally suited for such a search because it's so ugly. (I have no idea why this makes it ideally suited for such a search, I just wanted to throw that in there.)
Billie continued to try and fish around the river bottom with the boat hook, but kept coming up wet. (Because he was fishing in the water and he couldn't come up... dry. Never mind.) This went on for quite some time and your author eventually lost interest in the proceedings and decided to chat with the folks on the Sterncastle. This is why there are no photos of Billie standing in the water retrieving his camera from the river bottom. That's what he finally wound up having to do. Your surgeon has no medicines useful for treating epidermal contact with the Scioto river, so I didn't see him again until much later in the evening.
 Photo: Mission Billie at the end of his rope (ladder) searching. |
 Photo: Mission Billie boards the HMS Scow for a better perch. |
 Photo: Mission Billie in the prow of the scow. |
Photo: Dolphin Dani
Silas and Dennis talking on the Sterncastle.
Silas Thatcher was up on the Sterncastle along with the Michigan Pirate Festival crew. Silas was talking with Dennis Dufrense/Gaston. It turns out that Dennis has five kids with another one due next month (as of this writing.) This is why his wife Trudi/Jacqueline couldn't be there although from email conversations I had with her I can tell she really wanted to be. Being quick with child, it seemed best for her to stay closer to the natal care unit.
While Silas and Dennis were chatting I asked them if they were planning to get their two teams together for a game of baseball. Silas accused me of just being jealous. "That's what I always say to people who give me a hard time about having so many kids." (For those of you who don't follow the Journals, you should. However, just to bring you up to speed, Silas and his wife Connie have nine kids.)
I replied that he couldn't be farther from the truth; I promised myself I would never have kids when I was about twelve and I have strived to keep that promise ever since. People say that kids keep you young, but I've noticed that when you have them, you occasionally have to behave like an adult when they get too far out of line or you raise ill-tempered little brutes. Being childish is too important to my way of life to have to act like an adult, even some of the time.
The Michigan Pirate Festival contingent consisted of three people: Dan Leonard aka Count d'Booty, whom we first met back at the Spring 2009 Pirate Weekend on the Santa Maria. (For those of you who didn't meet him, feel free to go back in time and do so. Just don't get stuck there.) The two newcomers were Dennis and his daughter Dani. Michael Bagley explained to me that Dennis's outfit was that of a gentleman of a higher station than my surgeon, which is why he had that funny neck thing. Dani was dressed as a regular sailor and Dan was dressed like a movie pirate. (He claims that the Dufrenses are influencing him to adopt period garb. Movie outfits are seductively cool, however, so we'll have to see if he follows through on that.)
 Photo: Mission Dan, looking quite cheerful |
 Photo: Dolphin Dani Dennis, looking most gentlemanly |
 Photo: Dolphin Dani Dani looking serious of purpose |
Photo: Dolphin Dani
Trudi and Dennis Dufrense
When I contacted the Dufrenses to get the inside skinny, Dennis's wife Trudi emailed me back. She wrote the most lovely flowing prose answers to my questions. I'd reprint them here, but this page would then be twice as long.
Their family first started reenacting at the Michigan Pirate Festival in 2010 where they discovered that the Michigan Pirate group had quite a bit of historical knowledge. Trudi home schools all her kids and thought that living history was a great way to teach. As she explained to me, "...joining the pirate group seemed to be a natural progression of our learning process. Our family has visited Williamsburg and a few other historical places and have always loved the re-enactor side of the events. I was not willing to hand sew everything for the whole family and start-up costs seemed too high for us. Until we met the pirates. Low-key, focusing on fun and learning and low cost... right up our alley!" (She forgot to mention low-brow and low-down. Or maybe that's just because she hadn't met the rest of us yet.) So the Dufrense family became reeanctors.
Trudi is right in the middle of trying to change the Michigan Pirate Festival into a Piracy Through the Ages event. They have "confirmed period correct groups setting up at MPF: The Forsaken, Romans, Vikings, Civil War, 1700's,... we're hoping the Great Lakes River Pirates and possibly a group from The King's Regiment will be joining us as well."
She explained that the vision for the event "is to create an inter-active festival showing how piracy has impacted our world both in the real history and in our fictional culture. We are setting up events up so the patrons will interact with each group and have a fun learning experience. To reinforce the true history of piracy thru the ages, the kids and I are working on a magazine with more details of history and information for each period represented at the fest. "
Magazine? Having once been a magazine editor for several years in my college daze, your author has long been intrigued by them. So I offered to write an article for her for her. She was quite relieved because she said getting groups to turn in articles "is like pulling teeth." (A comment that gave me an idea on what to write about.) This whole event sounds interesting and Trudi's enthusiasm is infectious. So decided to finally attend a pirate event based in my home-state this year. The event site is Harbor Island near Grand Haven, which puts it right in the middle of Lake Michigan. How cool is that. (Pretty cool...)
Photo: Dolphin Dani
Dennis shows us how to deal with tension.
But I've wandered way off-topic here (something at which I excel.) I'm supposed to be doing profiles! So let's talk about Dennis. He is a really intense, up-tight guy as you can see in the photo at right. (Hah!)
Dennis spent 22 years serving in the United States Marine Corps (which I think is about 57 in normal human being years), a job from which he retired in 1997. He currently works part time as a document control coordinator and quality systems auditor, which sound pretty formal for someone with such a friendly, easy-going attitude.
He spoke reverently of his wife and her interest in and ability to research all the things related to this, their latest hobby.
Photo: Mission
Dani in the park
Then there's Dani. She has about fifty different names from what I can tell. She calls herself Dolphin Dani, her dad calls her Dani, her mom refers to her as Danie and I am pretty sure her name is Danielle (but don't hold me to that.) I'm guessing she's not really a member of the Dufrense family at all, but has been placed with them through the witness protection program after having testified against her real family, the Scumbolis in Miasmi, Florida. (Yes, it's spelled that way on purpose. Have you ever been there?)
Dani is the eldest daughter and, according to her mom "has always had this 'no fear' policy in her life. If we cannot find her, all we need to do is look up a tree and that is quite often where she is located. Usually taking photos. It could be her way to get away from all the siblings, or she thinks she is a bird. We're not sure yet." (See what I mean? Lovely prose.) She is the designated Michigan Pirate photographer, because Dan liked some of her photos from the 2010 event and they convinced her to take on the role. (She even knows what an F-Stop is. I asked. She tried to explain it to me, but I decided I had learned enough.) She has since gotten into digital art, like half the pirate reenactors I've met on the Piracy Pub. Dani/Danie/Danielle/Carlotta Scumboli loves ocean things, particularly dolphins and sea turtles. Aye, sea tur-tles.
Photo: Mission
M.A. d'Dogge carefully considering one of
the
27 varieties of beer he brought.
Photo: DB Couper
Peter the Grat and Billie the Somewhat
Lesser but Still a Nice Guy,waiting
Back on the deck, it was time to start the evening's formal activity: drinking. This was to celebrate hour 37 of M.A. d'Dogge's birthday.
Mr. d'Dogge woefully announced that the Absinthe was all gone and only a little of the moonshine was left. However, he brought a huge box containing beer. He began pulling them out one at a time and reading the labels while the crew waited. Several of these beers had a pirate theme. Although I have never been much for beer, I do know that you usually have to buy them in 6 packs at least, which made me wonder how he got a single bottle of something called 'Buccaneer Beer'? I decided it was best not to ask.
Other alcohols appeared and the crew settled down for some serious drinking. Still being on the wagon, I eventually headed back up to the Sterncastle to see if I could get someone to tell me some stories to use in this Journal. Boy did that pay off!
 Photo: DB Couper Dan, Dennis and Red Feather tuck into their mugs. |
 Photo: DB Couper "What do you mean we're out of alcohol!?" |
Ryan Thatcher decided to tell us a story. Actually, Ryan is forever telling stories. They're more like short stories or possibly even vignettes than full-blown stories. He doesn't tend to focus on one particular thread for very long before introducing a new one. But let's start at the very beginning. (A very good place...to start.)
Scene: The Sterncastle. Present: Dan, Dani, Dennis and I (Dmission). Enter stage right from the direction of the stairs: Ryan, carrying that stupid ship's glass again.
Photo: Mission
Your teller of tales: Ryan. And the ship's glass
We were chatting about this and that when Ryan started telling us about the man who owned their house before his parents bought it. I am going to try and give it to you the way Ryan did, although that is almost impossible. Ryan talks in a way that makes it so you have to listen closely to him to understand him. Sometimes you have to get him to repeat points that aren't clear. Add his tendency to wander a bit and I think you get the picture.
Ryan: "Old Ernie buried concrete all over the yard."
Mission: "What?"
Dennis: "Who buried concrete in your yard?"
Ryan: "Old Ernie!"
Dennis: "Why?"
Ryan: "
He used to own our house!"
Mission:
"Old Ernie owned your house? When?"
Ryan: "Before my
mom and dad bought it."
Dennis: "And he buried concrete in your yard?"
Ryan: "Yes. And toothpicks and bubble gum."
Dennis: "With the concrete?"
Ryan: "No, he buried that somewhere else. We dug up the concrete and there was more concrete under it."
Dennis: "Why?"
Ryan: "I dunno. Maybe he ate it."
(Laughs. This part was clearly suspect.)
Dennis: "He ATE concrete?!"
Ryan laughs.
Dennis: "
Where was the concrete in your yard?"
Photo: Mission
Dennis and Mission peppering Ryan with questions
Ryan: "All over. He died on the toilet."
Mission: "WHO died on the toilet?"
Ryan: "Old Ernie!"
Dennis: "The guy who buried concrete in your year died on the toilet?"
Ryan: "Yes."
Dennis (sotto voce): "Must have been all that concrete that did him in."
Mission: "How
do you know that?"
Ryan: "Because he died on the toilet. That bathroom is haunted."
Dennis: "The bathroom is haunted? By who?"
Ryan (clearly thinking we're idiots by this point): "By Old Ernie!"
Mission: "Because he died on the toilet? How do you know it's haunted?"
Ryan: "Sometimes when I'm in the bathroom by myself late at night when no one else is awake the lights go out all by themselves!"
Dennis: "Why are you in the bathroom by yourself late at night?"
Ryan: "To read."
It kind of continued along those lines for the better part of an hour. Dan and Dani were practically rolling off the edge of the Sterncastle deck in fits of laughter by the end of the hour. While what was said was amusing, it was the way the conversation progressed that made it really funny.
Photo: A plantation owner in New Guinea
James May's Lego bathroom featuring (you guessed it) a Lego toilet
By the end of the story we had learned that 1) Old Ernie owned the house before his family. 2) Old Ernie clearly died on the toilet. 3) Ernie buried concrete all over the yard, possibly as a food source, although this seemed a rather remote possibility. 4) Ernie may also
have buried toothpicks and bubble gum., although whether this was done as a food source was never established to our satisfaction. 5) Ernie's ethereal spirit may have been left behind to haunt the site of his death. 6) There was a guy with a Lego house in England who had a working toilet built out of Legos. (This turned out to be true; Dennis checked on his smart phone.) 7) Ryan reads while on the toilet. 8) Toilets were a major theme in this story.
As I mentioned previously, Ryan sometimes slips off into a realm where
Photo: Mission
Grace gives us the straight dope on Old Ernie
giant bubble-gum chewing flies perform surgery, which isn't typical of reality (as far as I know...) outside of 50s B horror movies. So we were a bit suspicious of this whole thing. Since we had invested an hour into it, we wanted to know the truth. Fortunately a second possible source showed up: Grace Thatcher. We quizzed her on the facts as we were able to piece them together and she corroborated all of them. Grace also tells me stories on occasion, but you can easily tell when she is making them up. So I tended to believe her. Dennis was still skeptical. Dani and Dan were holding their sides and begging us to just stop.
About this time some fireworks started going off in the distance. Ryan, who is not the most focused lad even at the best of times, decided to give story-telling a miss and pause for a station break while he watched the fireworks. Eventually some of the folks down on the Main deck decided to come up to the Sterncastle where the view of the fireworks was best. (Sort of. There were trees...) Among those trooping up to us were Andrew and Silas Thatcher. Now we would get the true story of Ernie for sure! Well, after the fireworks.
 Photo: Mission Ryan pauses for a word from our sponsor: the fireworks (not seen). |
 Photo: Mission A firework behind an inconsiderately placed tree. (It's all I got.) |
Once the fireworks were over, Andrew got up to tell the story in dramatic fashion. He basically concurred with everything that Ryan had said, except that he admitted that he and his brother were the ones turning the lights off and on. I figured as much. Regular readers will probably recall that the author just does not believe in ghosts. They did this because they felt that Ryan spent too much time in the bathroom reading.
Andrew had a much more vivid recollection of the concrete buried in layers, something that he discovered when tasked to help dig up the Thatcher house's old deck. A concrete slab was discovered under the deck, which they had to break up... only to discover another concrete layer beneath it! There may have been a third layer as well, but my understanding by this time was a bit fuzzy. The rains may fall and the winds may come, but old Ernie's deck was going to stand through it all, by gum.
Speaking of gum, Andrew also let us in on that bit of Ryan's story - he (Andrew) had made some sort of amateur movie to tell the story of Old Ernie using bubble gum and toothpicks. (Which sounds simply dreadful. Naturally if Andrew had posted it on YouTube, there would be a link to it here because it would fit right in with the general tone of these tomes.) Ryan must have run the two concepts together in the telling of his version.
At the end of it, Andrew (with Silas providing additional details) had pretty well verified Ryan's story! Now we could all go on with our lives.
 Photo: Mission Andrew, story-telling with a dramatic touch |
 Photo: Mission The second shift listens to the third telling of the story of Old Ernie |
With this mystery solved, people began to drift back down to the main deck, your author included. The bulk of the crew was there, being entertained by Off Keel who were singing and playing. Someone noted that Stephen Priddy must have been quite drink as he was dancing what can only be described as an "energetic" jig as we approached. It could just have been Stephen being Stephen, too. As you see below right, he is wont to dance a jig even while eating breakfast.
Since I was abstaining from alcohol, I hung around for a big and then took my leave. It was a very satisfying day.
 Photo: Mission Extreme sibling rivalry |
 Photo: Mission Off Keel playing for a drunken crew on the main deck |
 Photo: Mission Stephen Priddy dancing |