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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion, Dec 2013 - Key West, FL

Chapter 5th: Friday, December 5th, Evening. A bit about the two Martello Towers in Key West; Taking the trolley to the dance at the East Martello Museum; About the author's experience of the Museum and the Event; Details on how several people decided to stick their hands in the surgeon's
Photo: William Pace
Mission on the Trolley. Can't you FEEL the exceitement? hair; Why you should avoid cab cigars; Of Robert the Doll and the mysteries surrounding him; A bit about one of his keepers - Christina; Pirate Contests & Kah and Gate Duty with the Mercury Crew.

William and I had both received tickets to the dance because we are sponsors of the event. (William does graphics for them and I do the website. And sometimes the gibbeted skeletons.) The rest of the crew demurred – they all had spouses and significant others and, more importantly, no free tickets. So me and William climbed aboard the trolley and headed off to the East Martello tower.

There are two Martello towers on Key West. They were built in the mid 19th century by the US Army for the American Civil War. They were designed to provide protection against a Confederate attack from the ocean. (As amazing as it may seem, Key West was a Union-held territory.)

Photo: Marc AVerette
The East Martello Tower Entrance During the Day The East Martello Tower is practically on the grounds of the Key West airport and today is the home of the Key West Art and Historical Society, which has one of their museums there.

The West Martello Tower is located on the southern coast of Key West about half way between the East Martello Tower and Fort Taylor. It contains the Key West Garden Club, which means it is home to a lovely garden. (I had seen it during a vist on a previous trip to Key West.) Since I had never visited the East Martello before, I was most interested to do so.

Photo: Wiki User Ebyabe - The West Martello Tower Containing Clear Evidence of Being the Home of the Key West Garden Club

Photo: Pirated - I said the AVERAGE frog. The dance was taking place between 6pm and midnight. The trolleys were scheduled to bus people to the event from the fort between 6 and 8, and then start bussing them back to the fort from 10 to midnight.

The Mercury crew had gate duty starting at 11pm and William wanted to get back before the ten-to-midnight stage of bus travel began so that he could be there on time.

I mainly wanted to check the dance so's I could report on it in this Journal and then go back because... it's a dance. (I can dance, but I wouldn't rate my talent in this department very highly. Slightly above the skills of the average frog, I think.)

Photo: Mission Fellow Trolley Riders - William, Ray & Georgiabelle, Agave

Photo: Charles D. Brookos Trolley Riders Including Rachel Siegel & Blackheart Charlie

Arriving, William and I deboarded and walked into the museum. We found ourselves smack in the middle of the Art and Historical Society’s gift ship. It was being manned by a lovely girl named Christina. I tried to give her my ticket, but she refused it, telling me the tickets were being taken in the next room. So we headed that way where we found Scarlett Jai and Mama Ratsey taking tickets.

Photo: Mission Imagine Being Greated by Gus Diamond Upon Deboarding

Photo: Mission Mama Ratsey Showing Wendy Papa's Portrait by Don Maitz

Photo: William Pace - Brigands Playing @ E. Martello
Photo: Mission - Interior Tower Tickets given, we went down a small flight of stairs and into the central part of Martello Tower. It was a roundish space with the named Tower in the center and a number of doors leading off into the circular wall we had just came through.

The event organizers had wisely put the drink station smack in front of the door coming into the event. There were little food stations on either side of it. The Brigands were playing off to the right in front of a crowd of people seated on white plastic lawn chairs.

Photo: Mission Passage Into Outer Wall

Photo: Mission Entryway to the Outer Wall

Photo: Mission The Inner Courtyard of the East Martello Tower

Photo: Mission
The Chomped Woman Statue. Perhaps
She Was in the Tent With the T-Rex? If I was going to be at a dance, I wanted a drink, so William and I parted ways (he doesn't drink.) I fetched myself a rum punch. It was quite tasty. Then I wandered around the central tower admiring the
Photo: Mission - This is Art. With a Capital 'A' landscape.

Being an art museum, there were some interesting sculptures on the grounds including a cannon with shark fins and a statue of a woman with no head. She kind of looked like something had decided to eat her, starting with her noggin and then lost interest in the whole thing. William suggested that I pose with my head in the scooped out spot, but you have to draw the line somewhere. (At least until you’ve had more rum punches, you do.)

Even though we had both just eaten a wonderful dinner, we decided to try one of the food stations off to the side of the drink station. The one we chose had tuna on salad covered with wasabi sauce. It was very good.

Photo: Poppa Ratsey
Michelle, Dawson, Someone I Don't Know & Wendy Checking My Follicles Continuing to wander around, I ran into Diosa, Wendy and Dawson Wellman. Wendy squeeled when she saw my head without a bandana on it. She immediately decided it would be a good idea to stroke my hair (perhaps to fix it), causing her to comment on how soft it was. This made Diosa want to see for herself. Then Dawson stuck his hand in there. Then some random guy who happened to be passing and heard all this discussion about how soft my hair was got in on the act. Well!

I now had four people with their hands in my hair. (It’s soft because I use Baby Shampoo. I’m sure that’s horrible for my hair because it doesn’t contain enough vitamins or the right vitamins or too many vitamins or some such thing, but it’s cheap and it doesn’t smell too much of perfume. Plus… no more tears. ;) )

William reappeared
Photo: Mission
Christina Poses With Her Cigar and said it was getting close to eight, so we should go. I was now on the fence about going, what with everyone complimenting my hair and all, but I decided to head for the waiting area for the trolley as I had promised. There, we encountered Christina, from the gift shop. She was smoking a cigarillo.

Christina is a four year resident of the island and I believe she said she had been working in the museum for most of
Photo: Mission's Camera
Christina And Mission that time. (I honestly don’t remember for sure.) She had come in today at 8 or 9 in the morning. I said this was amazing, but she told me she had volunteered to be on duty that night because she thought it would be fun. I wish I could give you a richer profile of her, but that's all I can remember.

She offered me cigar. I didn’t really want it, but William started making noises about my being a hypocrite, so I took a few hits off of it.

Gah! I definitely needed more drinks if I was going to smoke that! "What kind is it?" I asked her. "It’s a cab cigar." Not having any flipping clue what that meant, I asked her. "I found it in a cab this morning," she replied simply, "so it's a cab cigar." Well! That certainly goes a long way towards explaining the flavor! She posed really nice for the photo of her with her cigarillo and somehow it reminded me a bit of Audrey Hepburn when I was going through the photos for this Journal. So here's that. (YMMV.)

Photo: Mission Christina and Her Cab Cigarillo

Photo: Borrowed See the Resemblnace?

Photo: Mission's Camera I'd Rather Switch Than Fight

Earlier, when we had given our tickets to Scarlett Jai, she had told me that if I wanted some cool stories for my Journal, I should talk to Christina. This seemed like the opportune moment, so I asked her. It appeared to catch her off guard because she didn't come up with any.
Photo: Wiki User Cayobo
Robert the Doll With His Baby Lion
and His Post Cards of Apology

We finally landed on a topic that animated her: Robert the Doll. He is reputed to be cursed or possessed or something. She explained that he is a one-of-a-kind, handmade doll created around the turn of the 20th century. She explained that Robert's owner had invested a lot of emotion into the doll, which had resulting in his being an object of mysterious power. Rumor has it that there is also voodoo in Robert the Doll’s past.

Christina noted that if people took Robert’s photo without asking permission or insulted him in some way, then they would be harried by bad luck until they apologized to him. She reported that many people had flown back to Key West just to do just that! Others simply sent cards and letters begging his forgiveness, aparently not having the funding to make a complete, in-person apology.

This was all very interesting, but my ears didn't really prick up until she told the next story. Some drunk woman had apparently come into the Robert display (I know, it’s hard to believe there would be a drunk woman in Key West) and said horrible things about the doll. He purportedly threw his small lion at her.
Photo: Mission
Mini Robert the Doll as Packaged by
Christina. (Looks like he had a hard night.) Christina noted that ever since that event, Robert wouldn’t even hold the lion in the same place as it had been since he had arrived in the museum.

"Wait… Robert has a baby lion?" I asked. "Yes, you could call it that." Now I was hooked. "Can I see it?" "Oh no, he’s locked up in the museum which is closed for the event. There's a photo inside, though." She led me back inside and showed me. Sure enough, Robert had a small lion sitting on his lap. It was Baby Lion! (Those of you who have been reading the Surgeon’s Journals since the beginning will recognize Baby Lion from a discussion I had with Grace Thatcher at the Fort Taylor event in 2008.)

I think she knew she had me at that point. "We have a small version of Robert." "Is he complete with baby lion?" I asked Christina. "Oh yes, I package them myself." I had to have one, so I bought a miniature Robert the Doll who came complete with baby lion and a rocking chair, which was apparently just like the real one in the museum version. (This version of baby lion would not be my first choice for a kid's toy. It's those eyes... I can see why people think this doll is cursed.)

---

Photo: Charles D. Brooks
People Dancing Something That is NOT a Jig The trolley did not seem to be in the offing, so I told William I was going to go back in and stay for the duration. Even though it was before 8, I'm guessing the trolley drivers had only been told to deliver people to: from 6-8 and then to return them from 10-12. We were in the trolley donut hole.

I went back into the courtyard and hung out with Wendy, Dawson and Diosa for the evening, having a fine time. They even managed to teach me to dance a bit of a jig, although I have already forgotten how it went. (I really need alcohol to have any sort of motor skill coordination whatsoever for this sport.) It seems to me that it wasn't that difficult, but there were several steps involved. I'm sure if I tried it today I would get the steps all mixed up. It's my curse.

There is also some evidence that normal couple dancing went on during the event as can be seen in the photo at left. I don't recall this myself, but we do have irrefutable proof here.

Photo: Mission
The Best Dressed Pirate Contest Featuri- What the heck
are those PANTS that Chrispy is wearing? A Best Dressed Pirate and Pirates contest followed, which was nice. The Best Dressed Pirate came down to who would bribe the judges the most to win it. As Scarlett Jai reported, "Best
Photo: Charles D. Brooks
Mark Dauck - A Proud, Yet Humble Winner pyrate was Mark S Dauck [aka Don Marco the Gray]. He donated 45 gold dubloons to the cause, hence he won. Let that be a lesson to future contestants, unless it be the wee ones in which case I am a big fan o' the last pirate standin' rule."

So, uh, yeah, there's your lesson. (Not really the sort of lesson you're likely to get at the end of your average After School Special, but a real world lesson, nonethless.)

Photo: Mission
The Best Dressed Piratrdd Contest With Chrispy's
Robin Hood Pants The Best Dressed Piratess Contest came down to looks and who behaved in the most outrageous fashion, as usual. Caribbean Pearl won the Piratess Contest, as usual. (They should really retire her mantua or something.) Her prize was liquor, as usual. The bottle was shaped like a skull, which was rather
Photo: Mission
Winner Caribbean Pearl unusual and immediately caught my attention. Upon examining the bottle, I naturally asked her if I could have it, but she told me she had promised it to someone else.

I don't recall there being any bribing going on for this contest, but I guess that's not what you expect in a Piratess Contest.

Pearl let me have a sip from the skull container, which was decent of her. It was terrible, terrible stuff. If I were going to bottle something in a skull, it would be much better than that.

I later discovered that this was a painted crystal skull made by Kah. It contained tequila, an alcohol I have never really appreciated. (I think you have to start by drinking petrol and ease your way into drinking tequila straight.)  I appreciated the container, though.

Photo: Mission Pearl Drinks From Her Kah Tequila Container

Photo: Mission Wendy Trying the Kah Tequila

Photo: Mission's Camera The Surgeon & Kah

I found a number of photos of the lovely girls at the dance which I wanted to include. They don't really relate to the narrative, but there you are. The first one is the most curious; it is of Catalina, but the way my flash worked, she looks completely white. If I believed in ghosts, I'd blame it on the haunted spirits of the East Martello Tower. Since I don't, I'll just say that it is curious how the flash washed her face out like that. (Those of you who do believe in ghosts, feel free to speculate to your heart's content.)

Photo: Mission Catalina

Photo: Mission A Gaggle of Gals on the Ground

Photo: Mission Scarlett Jai

Photo: Mission' Skylar Grey and Anastasia Dancing

Photo: Charles D. Brooks
Dutch and Friends in the Lawn Chairs They also held a small auction during the dance, but it was hard to hear and I can’t really tell you much about it other than the fact that Scarlett Jai and Chrispy did the auctioning. I was sitting near William in the plastic lawn chairs by this point. (While I don't have a photo of this, I did find one of Dutch in the lawn chairs, which I am including here for no other reason than it features the oft-mentioned lawn chairs.)

William announced that it was 10pm and he was leaving because of our 11pm gate duty. I chose to stay. I found Diosa, Wendy and Dawson again and we watched the impossible auction for a bit. Eventually our little group decided to get while the getting was good. I figured we were going to catch the bus with everyone else, but Diosa had driven over and offered to give me a ride, which was very nice of her.

"Do you want me to take you to the condos or the fort?" she asked on the way back. "We’re staying in the condos." It was tempting, but my crew was on gate duty and my bike was back in the fort. So they dropped me at the gate. I spent the next hour or so hanging with my crew of madPete, Captain Jim, Iron Jon and William and Lily Alexander. We mostly sat around on the ground and talked and the time just flew by. (I’m not going to say what we talked about because I was being obnoxiously candid for some reason – possibly that awful tequila - but it was still a nice time from my POV.)

Artist: Jean-Baptiste Simeon Chardin
The Game of Knucklebones (1734) At some point Lily Alexander brought William a package that Fayma had received for him. It contained sheep's knucklebones. These were not voodoo props from the East Martello gift shop, but a game that was played during the golden age of pirates. Given that pirates were inveterate gamblers, some of them somewhere no doubt played it.

There are a variety of ways to play the game including throwing first one, then two and so on of the bones into the air and trying to catch them on the back of your hand. I don't remember how William explained they should play, but it is most likely the second way, which is more suited to gambling. This method is explained by Wikipedia. It is confusing enough that I'm just going to quote what they have and let you see what you think.

"...the stones being thrown upon a table, either with the hand or from a cup, and the values of the sides upon which they fell counted. In this game the shape of the pastern-bones used for astragaloi, as well as for the tali of the Romans, with whom knucklebones was also popular, determined the manner of counting. The pastern-bone of a sheep, goat or calf has, besides two rounded ends upon which it cannot
Photo: Grifted - Henry Gondorff Threatening Doyle Lonnagan stand, two broad and two narrow sides, one of each pair being concave and one convex. The convex narrow side, called chios or the dog counted I; the convex broad side 3; the concave broad side 4; and the concave narrow side 6."

If you don't know how to play it after reading a clarion explanation like that, you're probably normal. I also learned on Wiki that this is basically the game that inspired the modern game of jacks. It's a shame that I didn't know this at the time, because I would have started quoting Henry Gondorff all night during gate duty. "You better have the money or it's gonna' be all around Chicago that ya' welshed. You won't be able to get a game of jacks!" (It's not "Wah... wahh...wahhhhhhhhhhhh...", but it's pretty good. IMO.)

With that joke, I will leave this whole side discussion and return you to post-gate duty where I gathered my bike and backpack and peddled back to the condo.

Photo: Lily Alexander Mercury Crew on Gate Watch - William, me, madPete, Jon & Jim

Photo: Mission William & Sheep's Knuckles

Photo: Mission Iron Jon & Sheep's Knuckles

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