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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion, Dec 2014 - Key West, FL

Epilogue: Featuring the dregs of the photos. Actually,
Photo: Mission
this is where I put all the photos that I liked for one reason or another but which didn't quite fit the narrative. Either that or including them would have made an already long page even longer, which - since most people seem to have the patience of a gnat - is a bad thing. This is also the page for thanking the photographers and the page where the pop culture reference game goes. What is that? It's stupid, that's what. I can't even remember why I started doing it, but I keep doing it, so I must like it on some base level. I half think I put it in these just to show off all the absurd references that are forever stuck in my head when I see certain things. But I am getting off topic...

Before we do anything else, l want to make sure and thank the people who allowed me to use their photos. The web page version of the Journal wouldn't be much to look at without photos. Actually, come to think of it, it would be just like the text version which I post while the event goes on, except with fewer misspellings and grammar mistakes. At least I hope it has fewer mi spellings and grammar mistakes. Well, maybe with new mi spellings and grammar mistakes. But I am getting off topic again... Thanks large to everyone listed below.

Capt. Jim McGavic Photo: William Pace

Kate Bagley Photo: M. Colosimo

DB Couper Photo: Mission

Poppa Ratsey Photo: Charles D Brooks

Mission Photo: Poppa Ratsey

The above graphic doesn't include the the people who only had a few photos for me to use. But I do want to thank the following folks for their contributions: Lily Alexander, Marc Averette, Chares D. Brooks, Lady Chaos Carol, Zatara Delavega, Maria De Los Angeles, Ferguss Hardwood, Don Johnson, Francois LaFitte, Rebecca Malek, William Pace, Caribbean Pearl, Christina S., Kathy Smith, Jamie Spiering, Shana Tinkle, Nita Treasure and John Weiss.

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Let's begin the epilogue with some of the less goofy photos I liked, but didn't manage to wedge into the main text.

First off we have some images found on Kate/Jessica Bagley's Facebook page Past Impressions Photography of she and Michael's tour of Papa Hemingway's house. I have chosen the photos I feel are most representative to this historic site, based on what I can remember from my trip there... which was well over a decade ago. So forgive me if I get some of the details of this historic site wrong.

Hemingway Skiing on That One
Day It Snowed in Key West
We begin with a series of photos of the outside of the house (in the row below). The first is of an artist hanging out outside the brick wall that surrounds the Hemingway House. (You can hardly walk around Key West without tripping over an artist.) As I recall, the wall was built by a friend of Ernest's at the request of his wife, Paulina Porizkova-Hemingway. She probably did this for privacy reasons, or possibly to keep out all the wayward cats in the neighborhood, whom she was afraid would take over the place.
Paulina Or maybe she just liked brick wall.

Next we have the Hemingway house itself, where Ernest and Paulina lived from 1931 through 1939 according to Wikipedia. (So that's probably wrong.) It was built by sea captain and salvager Asa Tift, who probably stole salvaged most of the original furnishings.

Last, we have a photo of the salt water pool, which cost a billion dollars or something like that to build. Papa was so incensed when he learned how much it cost that he threw a penny into it with the comment, "Paulina, you’ve spent all but my last penny, so you might as well have that!" Insane historians or possibly cats embedded the penny into the concrete. This was done either as a joke or because they saw the potential for making the place into a tourist attraction so that they could tell that penny story over and over and... The pool also apparently gave rise to the term "She spends money like water." It is salt-water because both Papa and Paulina liked margaritas. (Well, that's what I heard.)

Photo: Kate Bagley

Photo: Kate Bagley

Photo: Kate Bagley

Of course, the real attraction for a lot of people are the polydactyl cats.
Photo: Weekly World News
A Rare Image of a Polydactyl Cat Flying ('Polydactyl' means they are prehistoric cats who can fly using their leather wings - (poly - "many or maybe just two", 'dactyl' - "flying dinosaurs"). They only do it when they think no one is looking, which is why you've probably never seen one when you were sober.)

I'm sure you think the Hemingway house is owned and run by some trust or historical foundation or something, but it is actually owned and run by the 50 some cats on the grounds. In fact, they are millionaires now, thanks to the $13 entry fee (at least that's what it was as of this writing... no kidding.) The cats have trust funds and debentures and have even leveraged their investments so that they sit on the boards of certain large national conglomerates. (Haven't you ever wondered why Science Diet costs so much? But I digress...)

Even Ernest and Paulina were subject to the cat's whims.
Photo: Kate Bagley
The Old Sloppy Joe's Urinal and
Cuban Jar Cat Waterer
Why else would Papa have brought the urinal from Sloppy Joe's Bar when they were getting rid of it during a remodeling? (This is from the old Sloppy Joe's that used to be where Captain Tony's Saloon is now, not the new pseudo-rock bar place on Duval. Papa would have passed that place right by.)

Oh, sure, when he took the urinal the story says Hemingway glibly explained, "I've pissed enough of my money into this thing to pay for it." But the real reason was that the cats wanted a toilet on the grounds was so they could drink out of. (Anyone who owns a cat knows what I'm talking about here.) Papa brought it home and Paulina put tiles around it and used a Cuban jar to try and hide its urinalness and make it into a fountain... but, let's face it, it was just a sop to those demanding cats.

The cats are allowed free reign of the grounds (since they own it) and I remember our guide from so many years ago telling us they had to regularly replace some of the furniture because the cats clawed it up so badly. For proof of the cat's dominance of the place, see the image below center. No one is going to be extricating that cat from that bed, chain be damned! Of course, Michael and Kate are cat people, so they enjoyed playing with the home's true owners.

Photo: Kate Bagley

Photo: Kate Bagley

Photo: Kate Bagley

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And then there were some other nice photos. Here are two of the encampment - day and night.

Photo: Mission

Photo: Captain Jim

I had a lot of nice pics of people that I didn't want to forget. Events are good not because of what happens at them or where they are, but because of the people who attend. Here are a couple of images of folks which I liked, but didn't find a place for in the main Journal.

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Caribbean Pearl

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Willie Wobble of Searle's Crew... and Bananas!

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Michelle Murillo

Photo: Mission Captain J of the Mercury Crew

Photo: Mission Iron Jon & Capt. Jim Fix the Flag

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Greg Hudson & Barnacle Beau Singing

While we're talking people, there were two crew shots that need inclusion here.

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Cannon Crew: Lady Chaos Carol, Spike, Monty, Nobudy, Syd and Bawdy Be

Photo: Caribbean Pearl Captain of the Devil's Triangle: Back: Blackheart Charlie, Rachel, Wasabi, Mamasabi. Front Pearl, Barnacle Beau and Scarlett Jai

Then there were the Caribbean Pearl Mermaid pictures.

Photo: Kate Bagley Caribbean Pearl the Mermaid Pining for the Fields (Of Kelp)

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Is Tim Thinking Dinner Here?

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Kate: "Throw Her Back."

Photo: Poppa Ratsey - Whatever this is all about, it probably isn't going to end well...

And here's a couple of last people pictures... let's call them Key West character studies since one only implies the person.

Photo: Mission Scarlett Jai's Trike, Cannon & Flag

Photo: Mission Scarlett Jai on Her Trike

Photo: Mission Castaway Captain R. Hood

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Next, I wanted to focus on health at the event since it's a crucial requirement for being a pirate.

An key to being healthy is to have a healthy diet. This was embraced at the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion, as you see below.

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Faith Hirsch Cooking Bacon and... Other Stuff. Mostly Bacon.

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Jake Jacobson (Who Brought All the Shakey Jakeys) Showing Off Tonight's Dinner - Freshly Caught

Photo: Poppa Ratsey "They say hard tack is edible." "I think that's really a hockey puck."

And you can't stay healthy if you don't exercise, so we had to have some of that at the Invasion.

Photo: Caribbean Pearl 1st Mate Matt Works Out on the Bull...

Photo: Caribbean Pearl ...With Expected Results.

Photo: Mission Dutch and Grace Doing Airplane Stretches

Photo: Mission Tim Doing Rigorous Mustache Twirls. (Gotta' keep it in shape. Especially when it's named General Patton.)

Photo: Mission Mission Doing... Actually I have no flipping clue what I'm doing here.

Photo: Mission Syd, Post-Exercise, Being Massaged by Maizy Monsoon

Of course, even in Key West it's a good idea to stay out of the sun. Well, unless you don't get enough .vitamin D, in which case you need more sun. Or if you have seasonal affect disorder (which is just SAD). However, you should generally stay out of the sun or you will get skin cancer and warts and possibly the screaming mimies. In the fort, this practically requires a hat. A really big one. Or, failing that, a whole bunch of them.

Photo: Mission Keith in the Patrick Hand Hat

Photo: DB Couper Grace Wears Many Hats (Hah!)

Photo: Kate Bagley Michael in Many Hats, With Lob & Bobbie

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This brings us to the less serious images. (OK... some of the ones above were not all that serious, but I was at least trying. Well... sort of.) First we have a series of pictures of the undead, or representations of the undead or manifestations of the undead or just pictures I have given titles that are taken completely out of context. Incidentally, the first two were taken by Anne Adkins Berkley who "borrowed" Becky and Bucky from Fort Taylor for the St. Augustine Pirate Festival. I had hoped to put these images in the first chapter, but I didn't receive them until it was too late. So they are here.

Photo: Anne Becky - St. Augi

Photo: Anne Adkins B. Bucky at St. Augi

Photo: Mission "Bring Out Your Dead!"

Photo: Mission Ghost Ship... or Bad Photography

Photo: Poppa Ratsey Tim Clark as a Ghost (Ironically, Tim Doesn't Believe in Them.)

Photo: Poppa Ratsey The Viceroy is Actually A Vampire! The Viceroy is A Vampire!

And then there are the images of Lob. "It's about time! Lob should no be last pictures in surgeon's stupid story. Him should be on his own page like is at Puddy Bay last time!" You had to
Photo: Kate Bagley
Lob in His Natural State share that page with Mary Bear and Flapjack. "Yeah, but Mary Bear is one hot chick and Lob likes to be groping hot chicks. Nobody care about Flapjack." Some people care about Flapjack. "Lob no cares. Lob should not have to share pages with anyone like stupid Snoopy nor Lob should have to be in last panel on last page of Key West thing." Well you weren't around much. "Is Key West! What do hack author want? Lob has places to see, peoples to do, things to go." Like what? "Like Slobby Joe and Grief Parrot and Dog Breath and 801 and Club Obi Wan and Roof Top and Scooper Warf and Half Pint Raw Bar and Bull S*** Whistle Place." Oh yes, the bar scene, you would want to go and be among- say, were you upstairs or downstairs at the Bull and Whistle Bar? "Both. Lob is never wearing clothes anyways." I though Michael and Jess were making you clothes? "Ha! I no wears 'em even if they does. Lob is low hanging fruit." You're a fruit, all right.

We start with several images of Lob on people's heads, of which there were many for some reason. "Them all has heads lice, like you writes about last month." What a rotten thing to say about people! "Is true." They can't all have head lice! "Them does now. Hee hee hee."

Photo: Kate Bagley Jeremy Practicing His Smooth Lob Hat Look

Photo: Kate Bagley Kate Hiding Behind Lob

Photo: Mission Dave With Lob on His Hat and Face

There are no photos of Lob in the bars, all I have here is Lob around camp.
Photo: Donna Diamond
Lob in What He Wishes Was His Natural State "Lob likes his privacy when him is partying." I seem to recall reading a police report in the Citizen about a monkey swinging from lamp fixtures and yelling something like 'Lob is free monkey! Look at him fly!' They failed to catch him. "Was different monkey. Lob drinks alone." And with many, many others.

Below are some Lob camp photos. The first shows Nigel (or possibly Not Nigel, I could never keep them straight) taking a bite out of Lob. "Lob bit first." Sure. "Lob always bites first. It is his signature."

Next we have Lob photobombing Fayma and Diosa. "Lob is mad photobomber." You need a hoodie. "Lob no wears clothes, Lob is naturalist. We already talk about that."

Next we have Lob threatening Spike. "Him no good." And you're so much better? "Him needs shave so Lob's is giving it."

Last we have Animal...doing something... maybe using Lob's arm as a mustache? Licking his armpit? "Animal have head lice in his beard...now." Lob...always giving of himself. "Yep."

Photo: Kate Bagley

Photo: Kate Bagley

Photo: Kate Bagley

Photo: Kate Bagley

You know, I think this is the calmest you have ever been in one of these
Photo: Kathy Smith
The Chickens Plan Lob's Downfall Journal interview/discussions. "Lob had a late night. Head is all wuzzy and foozy." Yes, but that's your usual state, isn't it? "Well, Lob is also low keys due to the threat of chickens happening." Chickens? "Chickens. Are annoying little fuzzy things that scrabble 'round on ground and create troubles for Lob." Why would a chicken create trouble for you? Surely you're faster than they are. "Not little yellow ones. Thems fast. And worrisome." Little babies have cowed Lob? "Not cows, is chickens, like me said before. They's plotting against me. Lob would take 'em all out except there is laws here about it in this place." And you're such an upstanding citizen that you wouldn't even think of violating the law. "Right. That and thems fast, like I say. Can't even hit them easy when throwing poop at 'em. They always scurrying and ducking out of way. Stupid chickens. Is plotting against Lob always." How about that? Your mortal enemy is one of the dumber birds in the farming community. "Lob knows when him is licked. In fact, Lob was once licked in-" Yes, well, that sounds like a story for another time...

Photo: Kate Bagley Dutch and Grace Entertain Lob with Wine. (Makes You Wonder What Was Said Here, Doesn't It?)

Photo: Kate Bagley The Viceroy, Calculating How Much Powder It Would Take to Launch Lob to the Moon. Or Maybe Just Watching Lob's Moon.

And that's that. All that's left is the game. Actually, it's not really a game so much as an excuse to show a bunch of pop culture images that relate to something elsewhere in this Journal. As either an added bonus or possibly an added punishment, you can click on any image below (even the moving gif) and you will be magically spirited away to the page where that pop culture reference was made. Or you can just skim past the pretty pictures to the end of this page, wipe the sweat from your brow and wonder why you are sweating while reading this Journal. (I know I'm certainly wondering.)

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