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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion Nov/Dec 2012 - Key West, FL
Chapter 14th: Sunday evening part II - Spending time at Jack's Place, Smoking cigars with fellow twin Brig; Reporting for Gate Duty; Why they will probably never ask me to report for gate duty again; More from the movie The Good, the Bad and the Ugly than you'll ever need to hear; Editorial comments from Brig; The troubles with Scarlett Jai's bike; Time spent at Cutter's place; Jaded Jetty and Stynky at the Gate.
Photo: Mission
Angry Bird Keira Attempting to Take Flight
If that last chapter was fuzzy, this one is probably going to be hopeless. I had actually stopped drinking because when I'm drinking scotch - which I love - one liquor to rule them all - I know when to stop drinking it. We were all hanging at Jack and Brig's place, joined in conversation, which was being conducted in low tones because of Angry Bird. I should probably explain that.
Earlier in the weekend, Stynky had asked Keira, Brig's 4 year old daughter, which games she liked. He told me that he did this as an ice-breaker. (Little kids are often shy when they aren't used to you. Even if they aren't, they should be around Stynky. As past readers know, Stynky has a tendency to recruit them into his criminal plans, like having Josh Sterling sell counterfeit Mission Mugs to the unwary because he knows that he can't get away with it, but a cute child can because they couldn't possibly be lying to you!)
Anyhow, Keira said she liked the
Photo: Mission
Stynky and Brig at Jack and Brig's Place
game Angry Birds, so Stynky started calling her that, which made her laugh every time he did so. (I was witness to this.) The point of all this is that Keira/Angry Bird was asleep and we had to conduct our conversation in low tones, which is tough for your old surgeon when he's crocked. But I pulled it off (as far as you know.)
Jack was smoking a cigar and drinking some sort of fine liquor which I skipped because I not only know
Photo: Mission
Jack Lighting a Cigar
when to stop drinking scotch, I know not to mix alcohols. Back in the previous chapter, madPete had volunteered to go into town and get me another bottle of single malt scotch, but I'm glad he didn't because I was cruising pretty well without it.
Brig suddenly decided she wanted a cigar, so Jack lit her one. Feeling pretty randy (when I fall of the wagon, I go all the way) I started smoking the cigar too. Scotch and cigars, you know? So we ended up
Photo: Mission
"No I don't smoke oh what the hell, gimme."
sharing it, because I am the third twin. (Note that the Surgeon General has determined that
smoking cigars and drinking single malt scotch is a damned fine way to spend an evening while sitting on
the moonlit ground in Key West.) Someone eventually mentioned that it was time for gate duty, so I got up to amble off in that direction. Brig announced she would go with me.
So...gate duty. Right. Gate duty was a bit fuzzy. In fact, it was a lot fuzzy. I recall sitting cross-legged on the ground with Brig and William and having Captain Jim running around taking all sorts of photos which I will probably regret having been in. Brig and I kept trading off the cigar.
Eventually the cigar started reminding me of a scene in the movie The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. (Now stay with me here, because it will take some explaining.) In the movie, Tuco (the ‘Ugly’ -
Photo: Mission
Wah... Wahh... Wahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Eli Wallach) is tracking Blondie (the ‘Good’ - Clint Eastwood). Along the way, Tuco keeps coming across old campfires which he sifts through to try and find the stubs of cigarillos that Blondie smokes as a way to verify that he is on the right track. Finally Tuco finds a campfire that's still smouldering. He stirs the ashes and finds the butt of a cigarillo. He takes it out and drags on it three times to verify that it is relatively fresh.
The important thing (for me) is the music in this scene. It is sort of riff on the movie’s main theme that goes, and I quote. Wah... (Tuco tries to puff the cigarillo.) Wahh... (Tuco drags on it and there is a faint spark at the end of the cigarillo.) Wahhhhhhhhhhhh. (Tuco takes a deep puff and lets the smoke slowly dribble out of his mouth.)
So I repeated these musical tones, trying to imitate Tuco's puffs and everyone looked at me and said things like (and I quote here): "WTF?" So I did it again, explaining how each puff was followed by the musical note. (Fortunately for you, you don't have to just imagine it, you can see it on YouTube. Ah, the Internet - instant pop culture gratification!)
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Photo: Mission
Offering the Gate Cigar to Caribbean Pearl
I apparently found this incredibly amusing because I did it at least a dozen or more times according to Iron Jon. (Actually, I said I did this a dozen times and Iron Jon said, "Only a dozen times he says...") By then the cigar had been smoked down to a nub. Brig said she was going back to camp to get something, but she promised to come back. So I asked her to get us another cigar. (It's a twin thing.) She eventually returned as promised, with a new cigar in her hand.
Something else I apparently thought was amusing for some reason was offering a puff on the cigar to everyone trying to leaving the park. (William said I tried to force them to puff on it, but I don't remember it that way. William was sober, so we can't rely on him to understand all of this.) Captain Jim took several shots of me offering the cigar to the people in various vehicles, several of which you can see in the series of photos here.
 Photo: Jim McGavic Offering Frank the Gate Cigar. (Brig looks like she's from Mad Men here.) |
 Photo: Jim McGavicA Passenger Takes Me Up on My Kind Offer |
 Photo: Jim McGavic 1st Mate Matt Tokes the Gate Cigar |
 Photo: Jim McGavic Maria Elizabeth Barriga is Game |
 Photo: Jim McGavic Chrispy Didn't Hesitate (Surprise! Right?) |
 Photo: Jim McGavic Don Maitz Politely Declined the Gate Cigar |
 Photo: Jim McGavic Beowulf Considers the Gate Cigar... |
 Photo: Jim McGavic ...and Makes a Counteroffer with a Flask! |
Photo: Jim McGavic
The Twins Leaning on One Another
Brig and I sat back on the ground and a comment was made about the two of us sitting so close together. Brig explained that it was meaningless and nothing could come of this because that would be twin-cest.
Photo: Borrowed
I think we were sitting closely together because we were holding each other up. If you had
removed one or the other of us, there would have been a pause, like right before Wile E. realizes that he has run off the edge of the inexplicably tall cliff in the Southwestern desert and the twin remaining would have suddenly fell over.
Brig also got hold of my little notebook for a while and, like Wendy, she decided to write some helpful notes in it. I was actually able to guess the meaning of many of them, which I will now share with you.
The first one says, "You 3rd twin!" I believe is pretty self-explanatory. (I am the third twin. Or did I mention that already?)
Next it says "Bastard from MI". which I am not sure I understand. I believe either Jim or William asked how, being fellow twins, we had not known each other before the Fort Taylor pirate event in 2007. Brig said something about we had known each other and whomever posed the question said something about
Photo: Jim McGavic
Revisiting the Frank and the Gate Cigar Scene for Good Measure
how I must be the bastard from Michigan. (I take no offense to this; I accept it in the manner it was offered.)
Then it says (and I'm trying to figure out the words, so sue me if I go astray) "Stack Line - warmer in bikinis - Frank." Well, the Frank part is pretty obvious. It must have been when Frank was earlier seen leaving the park on his moped. I know I was talking with him and asking if he wanted to try the cigar.
The rest of it requires some back story. Frank was part of the crew of the Sarah that had been at the Rum Barrel on Saturday afternoon, but he left early to go meet some girls at the Fort rather than stay around for the corn and crab chowder. This is naturally a sin against god and man, but we forgave him because (as I believe I explained to him), it's better to go after the fish on the line than sit and eat corn and crab chowder. (Wise advice to anyone, to be sure.) He did tell me that it had been totally worth it and I'm guessing the girls were in bikinis when he met them or something. I don't know; that's a bit cryptic.
Photo: Jim McGavic
The Power of Patrick Hand Compels You!
Then it says, "Best gate crew ever!" I don't know if this was a quote or a comment on how much fun Brig was having.
Next is, "Think I saw a ghost on gate duty" which I didn't understand at all when I read it. Maybe it was that there was something in the bushes? Or a light? Or Brig was practicing her drunken penmanship?
Looking at the photos later, I realized what it must have been a reference to - the ghost of the Patrick Hand Original™ Planter's Hat come to bestow its good spirits upon us while we sat at the gate, drinking good spirits and smoking good cigars. If Patrick would have been there, he definitely would have appreciated the experience. So this must have been a reference to that. Or not.
Photo: Jim McGavic
It's a Twins Thing. You Wouldn't Understand. (Neither do I, actually.)
William also reported something else we two twins said.
Brig: "I just drink to preserve myself."
Mission (nodding thoughtfully): Like a mummy."
William said the best part about this exchange was our deadpan tone and the immediacy of my reply to her comment. You had to be there and you weren't, which is your own damn fault. (Start planning for next year. See the drunk surgeon forcing cigars on passing motorists! Fun for the whole family!)
William also added that "It was almost like you guys were finishing each others' sentences." Which makes perfect sense to me. Twins...
Speaking of William, it may seem like Brig and I were the only ones there based on the previous photos. This was not the case. Most of the Mercury Crew was there with us, although I seemed to be providing all the witty dialog. (By which I mean "stupid drunken babble.") William came over to chat, but he eventually died because he was too sober to live through this particular bout of gate duty as seen below
 Photo: Jim McGavic Brig and Mission Pelt William with Inane Drunk Talk |
 Photo: Jim McGavicB: "I think he's dead." M: "I wonder how well that pocket watch works?" |
Photo: Mission's Camera
Mission Thinking He is Way Cooler Than He Really Is
Brig started to get tired and said she was going back to camp. Captain Jim, ever thinking like a gentleman told me that I should accompany her. So I did. As we were walking into camp, I spotted Scarlett Jai's scarlet motorcycle sitting there by the entrance where it had been parked all weekend. "Get a picture of me on the bike!" I demanded and got on it. So Brig snapped a shot, seen at left.
Then I told her to get on it, but she wouldn't. I begged her to do it for reasons I can't even begin to imagine now, but she wouldn't. She told me it wasn't hers and she didn't have permission. I rebutted, "I didn't have permission and I did it!" as if that made any sense at all.
No amount of beseeching could get her to mount the motorcycle. I think I may have even offered to give her money to sit on the bike so I could take a picture.
Photo: Mission
Lily Actually Looking Cool on Scarlett Jai's Bike
(Thinking on it now, I haven't the faintest flipping clue why I thought this was important.) I whined about this all the way back to the campsite, but she ignored me and just crawled into bed. I asked Jack to get her to do it and he said, "No way. I've got to live with her."
And now a public-service message to our fellow twin Mae who should TOTALLY have stayed because this evening was SO MUCH more fun than Saturday night. You could have been the one to straddle the red hog or at the very least helped me convince Brig to straddle it since nothing I could say would convince her to do it! Where were you in my moment of need? We're twins! We have to all stick together especially when one of us is refusing to stick together by not getting on Scarlett Jai's motorcycle! Besides, we were smoking really good cigars, Mae. You could have been a part of that. You could have. Next year take Monday off! Let the spare girl get herself to the airport, you need to be with your twins!
Photo: Jim McGavic
"Why is he making them smoke cigars before leaving?"
Since Mae wasn't there and Brig had turned in for the night, I went over to Lily and asked her if she would sit on Scarlett's bike. She agreed to do this if I would stop talking about getting someone to sit on the bike. I took the photo. "Is that it?" she asked. I said that it was.
She then went over to the gate where the rest of the Mercury crew was standing and took William aside. (William had been miraculously healed. I am a surgeon after all.) She told him that he needed to keep his ship's surgeon away from the scotch in the future if this was the sort of behavior we were to expect from me. (And past Sunday nights have pretty much proven that this is the sort of behavior we can expect from me.) She left us, so I went back to the gate and finished my time out with my crew. We had a nice time, but it wasn't the same as when Brig had been there. (You could have been there, Mae. You could have.)
 Photo: Mission Gate Crew: Captain Jim |
 Photo: Jim McGavic Gate Crew: madPete, Mission and Iron Jon |
 Photo: Mission Gate Crew: Patrick Hand Original™ |
Photo: Jim McGavic
Lily Taking Over Gate Duty from William and Mission
Our relief showed up in the form of Lily and friend and the Mercury Crew were free to head back to camp. I believe I have noted this in the past; Lily always takes the last shift on Sunday night so that the rest of the pirates can enjoy their last few hours together. Cheers to you, Lily!
Back in camp, we stopped at Jack's for a bit, but the conversation there was winding down as most of their crew had gone to bed for the night. Even Stynky was being quiet.
We all repaired to the Mercury fly and sat around talking. I started drinking lots of water, knowing this would be a key aspect of how miserable I was going to be the next morning. After several mugs of water, it occurred to me that I had already spent the last several hours talking with these guys, so I decided to go a-wandering.
I ambled around, eventually stopping at Commodore Cutter's site. There I had quiet conversation with Spike, Cutter and Jaded Jetty.
 Photo: Jim McGavic Mission, Edward and William at Jack and Brig's Place |
 Photo: Jaded Jetty Cutter, Mission, Spike and Lady Chaos Carol |
Jaded Jetty has been an on-and-off contributing photographer to the Surgeon's Journal for this event, yet I had
Photo: Jaded Jetty
Cutter and Jaded Jetty
never really talked to her. So I decided to remedy that. She's one of those quiet people . You may recall that these are the often interesting folks. Such was the case here.
In order to understand this interview, you first have to know that Jaded Jetty is married to Commodore Cutter. It seems that they were out driving in 2004 when they passed a sign proclaiming that there was a pirate festival. With their interest piqued, they returned to see what it was the next day. "Looking around and talking with the reenactors that were there, we quickly knew we wanted to be a part of this." They started assembling outfits that would allow them to "be able to blend into this newly found world." Jetty quickly found that when you were dressed as a a pirate you could get away with all sorts of things. (In some cases, literally.) "I’ve actually walked away with a few kids before their parents came looking for me… Really!"
Her favorite part of playing a pirate involves working with children (and not just stealing them.) She
Photo: Jaded Jetty's Photos
Jetty Explains a Rat Tossing Game to a Little Girl
likes making kids smile and "trying to give a little Pirate a tidbit of info that they will remember for a lifetime – Such as why a Pirate wore an eye patch". Even better, she notes is hanging out with her fellow reenactors. "I consider myself lucky to be a part of this (what we have come to call) family!"
Jaded Jetty and Cutter belong to two crews, and she told me she was proud to be a member of both of them. The first one probably won't come as a big surprise: Cutter’s Crew. (Imagine that!) The second is the Pirates of the Treasure Coast. "They have so graciously accepted us into the Family! I think it had something to do with me making a good kangaroo!" She said the PotTC always encourage their crew members support them whenever it is needed. She added "Thank you Family!!!!! Love you Big!"
I asked her what her favorite part of the event was this year and her response was: "Really?" Then she proceeded to give me a laundry list of things she enjoyed because "so many memories were favorites!" Among the things she mentioned was serving as a red coat under Gareth, noting that this is "always full of Adventure and Fun – being inspected by the Viceroy on the line is a Hoot."
Photo: Caribbean Pearl
I am forever looking for reasons to put huge burrito images in here
She also liked Spike's Spirit Walk (apparently she wasn't on the Friday night version that was gate crashed by a certain three twins and their friend Lex), the Buccaneer's Ball, the Sunday Night Pig Roast and the Auction, partially because "we got fed a huge burrito the next day."
After chatting with Commodore Cutter's group for a while, someone came over and suggested we come and witness Cannibal Chrispy's rap. I don't know about the rest of you out there, but I immediately had some misgivings about listening to him rap. Nevertheless, we walked across the encampment to where Chrispy was sitting with a another group who speaking in fairly low tones. Then Chrispy began his rap, which I will not share because is not suitable for children and involved a prop, in the form of a woman with large... well. I think you get the point.
Photo: Mission's Camera
Mission Dancing with Stynky
With all that water in me, I was feeling relatively human. I got my bike and walked it to the gate in preparation to return to my condo. At the gate, Edward and Lily were there along with Stynky. Stynky was as drunk, if not more drunk, than I had been a few paragraphs ago. In fact, at some point during the evening, we had danced, a behavior that can only be explained by alcohol. (At least on my part.)
Edward asked if he could ride my bike, so I let him. When he returned, Stynky wanted to ride it too. I was a bit hesitant to do this, but... Stynky. He disappeared for quite a while, which caused me to become
Photo: Mission
Edward Riding My Bicycle
concerned that he forgot to turn when he got to the end of the park and was still peddling ever-so-slowly underwater on it. I stuck his mug under Lily's hat to see if he would notice that it was gone. (He didn't. He reported the next morning that I had never done that and he had always had it with him, even when he was peddling in the water.)
Then he told Lily he wanted to give her a piggy-back ride and stooped over and ordered her to get on. She refused. He kept asking her to do it and she kept saying no. It was me asking Brig to pose on Scarlett's motorcycle all over again. With that, I left for the night, making it all the way home without hitting anything along the way. (This time.)
Ah, Sunday night - they're always the best nights of the weekend. Seriously.