Eastport Pirate Festival, 2013 - Eastport, ME
Patrick Hand Original™ and CockadeChapter 2: Of what happened on Friday afternoon and evening. Beginning with buying a cockade; Meeting Rachel and Blackheart Charlie up from Key West,; Lunching on lobster (natch' - it's Maine); Hanging out in a bar with Klaus, Don, Kathleen and an assortment of other Pirates of the Dark Rose; Dining on lobster ('natch) and- "Lob warn stupid writer about squiggly writing! Stop now." It's the way I introduce chapters. "I don't care. Is boring. Stop now." Well, maybe you think it's boring, but... "No but. What Lob think, is. Stop now."
After the Charge Up Team sort of dissipated, many of us walked back into town. Somewhere along the way, Leigh and I spent time checking out the vendors in town. White Pavilion was among the street vendors. This is where I got my Dread Pirate Mission mask several years ago. They carried a bunch of hat cockades (which are period correct) which had pins in the center, including pirate skulls (which are not). So I bought one for the Patrick Hand Original™ Planter's Hat. (What the heck? It needed a souvenir.) [Correction: Leigh Collins tells me this was actually the House of Avalon. Sorry about the mistake.]
Leigh was looking for feathers for something or another. Miss Felicity appeared and informed us that it was illegal to pick up and keep bird feathers, even when you find them on the ground. I mention this only because it seemed extraordinarily weird. Then I looked into it and learned that you can own bird feathers if you purchase a $25 permit, issued by Maine's Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife. Naturally. So don't go picking up any bird feathers while in Maine! (Or, if you do, hide them. No doubt there's a huge fine attached to illicitly picking up bird feathers. I actually watched a woman scold a kid in the street during the weekend for picking up a seagull plume. No, seriously!)
Rachel, 2 Guys I Don't Know, Dutch, Meself, Keith, Leigh with Sammie and Sophie
While wandering downtown Eastport, who should we run into but Rachel Siegel and Blackheart Charlie? They had Wetbeard with them, who is their dog (aka. Charlie Brown). Readers with a long memory may recall that I first met Rachel and Charlie last year at the Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion where they were studying the stars over Fort Zachary Taylor. Their presence was even more amazing than it might seem on the surface - they lived in Key West and had sailed all the way from there to Eastport!
Note that the photos were getting even fuzzier around the edges. My camera was squealing, but I couldn't hear it.
Rachel and Charlie had set off from Key West on April 8th in their 41' 1988 Island Packet 38 the S/V Aurora. The Aurora contains 2 cabins, 2 heads and a gathering area. Rachel provided a neat diagram on her website, but it is gone.
The S/V Aurora's Neat Floor Plan from Rachel's Website
of all this which I have stuck in here for you. (Mostly because I think it's a neat diagram.)
Speaking of her website, it's called "whycantyou too.com". We had a chance to chat on Saturday night and she explained that the website was called that because so many people told her that they wished/wanted/planned someday to do the same thing and that was her response to them.
Their original goal was to make Mystic Seaport so they could attend the Mystic Sea Music Festival which began on June 6th. Unfortunately, it appears to have rained more than a little during the festival according to that entry in Rachel's blog, Drowning on Dry Land. Unfortunately, it is has gone the way of all things. After the music festival, they decided that they were enjoying their sailing trip so they set a course for the Eastport Pirate Festival before turning around to head back to Key West.
 Photo: Mission Wetbeard and Rachel |
 Photo: Rachel Blackheart Charlie, Those Same Two Guys, Your Author, Keith, Sammie and Dutch |
Quoddy Bay Lobster - The Food Windows Are to the Right
It was about lunch time, so I lobbied with Keith and Leigh to go and get something to eat. They recommended Quoddy Bay Lobster. Being new to the town, I decided to take them up on that, so we all walked down the dusty road leading to the restaurant. Like a lot of things in Maine, Quoddy Bay does not stand on ceremony. You walk up to one window in the side of the steel building and place your order. Then you
Photo: Leigh Collins
Mission and His Lobster Wrap
go over to the small pavilion in the parking lot and wait for them to call your number on the loudspeaker so that you know you can go to the other window and pick your order up.
Leigh and Keith both suggested the lobster roll, but I was in the mood for something a bit lighter, so I got a Lobster wrap. This turned out to be chock full of lobster - they definitely didn't skimp.
Following lunch, Keith and Leigh wanted to go back to the house and get the dogs so they could see Eastport. (At least I guess that's why we went to get them.) The dogs were all prepared for an outing (The dogs seemed to be all prepared for anything, at any time.) After Sammie had snuck Lob out of my pocket a few times, we motored back downtown.
"Lob hates the light-color doggie. Light-color doggie is stupid and dumb! Lob prefers to go do something other than what the two orange doggies are doing, even if doggies are flinging poop! Lob doesn't like light-color doggie!"
The Liberty Cafe and Pub in Eastport
So, at Lob's bidding, I decided to go and find Klaus, whom Leigh informed me had ensconced himself in The Liberty Cafe and Pub. They were sponsoring the float that he was riding in on Saturday. So off we went.
"Yay! Lob always cares for drinking and cutting loose!" I was thinking about leaving Lob in Sammie's care- "No! Lob bees good! Monkey's honor!" - but I decided to bring him along. Who knows what awful things we might be able to do to him at the Liberty Cafe and Pub?
Klaus was sitting at the bar, with an empty seat or two next to him, so I plopped down next to him. Event organizer Don Dunbar was at the end of the bar near the wall with his girlfriend Kathleen Marie Esposito. (I don't have any photos of any of this, so you'll just have to imagine this scene.)
Dental Pelicans - Let's See YOU Explain Them
Kathleen and I got to talking. When she learned I was a pirate surgeon, she said she was a dental hygienist and asked me about golden age of piracy dental instruments. I proceeded to explain the dental pelican, which, as it turns out, is impossible to explain. So I begged a pen off the barman and proceeded to draw the screw-type dental pelican I had had made for me. It turns out that it is also impossible for me to draw. (I wish I had saved that drawing.)
Realizing this was going badly, I started to explain that there were other types that didn't use a screw and by the time I was done I think everyone in the bar who was listening was confused. Including me. "And Lob!" Lob, you're always confused, so you don't count. "Lob was smartest monkey in room!" Yes... I believe that's true... In any event, you can see the images here, which make the whole thing a bit easier to comprehend. Maybe.
Now, I don't know how effectively I've put this across, but Eastport is a small town. Every local seems to know every other local and they have that bond and reverie that seems to flourish in a small resort town located in 'God's country.' (That's what the guy at the Budget Rental Car counter had called it when I told him where I was going. I notice that any remote place with lots of foliage is often referred to as 'God's country' by those who don't live there. To many locals, it's referred to as 'Stir Crazy'.) Eastport definitely followed suit and the
Neil and His Hat
bar was filled with folks talking about the local news. (Local news in such places being about so-and-so having her baby and such-and-such wrecking his car.)
One of the locals was sort of the center of attention. He was dressed in a vest, tie and a Neal Caffrey hat. (In keeping with the on-going theme here, I have no photo of him. Well, he is in the background of one photo, but it didn't come out very well. So I am including a photo of Neal Caffrey, although the hat and tie were about as far as the similarity went.)
This fellow was complaining about the pirate days and everyone dressing up so silly. (This is something else I have noticed about certain locals in small towns - they tend to look gift horses in the mouth.) So, I guess by way of protest, he had decided to dress like Neal Caffrey. (OK, he didn't say that exactly, but he could have.)
The discussion turned towards jobs, so I asked him what his job was. He wouldn't tell me. Some time later, his mother came into the bar and I asked her what he did. Turns out he was a construction worker! (Mothers don't stand for any barroom rannygazoo.) And here I had him figured him as an art thief working with the FBI.
Lob Perched on Our Hats
While all this was going on, Lob was actually sitting quietly atop a pile of hats (OK, two hats), nursing other people's drinks when they weren't looking. "Lob is one smart monkey. Lob learned NEVER drink stupid people's
Barmaid, Saucy in Klaus's hat
drinks when they WAS looking after what happened at silly Jane Austins festivals! I no 'uncouth, unclean raggedy thing'! I licks myself after every poop. Silly womens in flouncy dresses."
One of the barmaids had come in early and saw Klaus's hat. (His hat was on top of mine because it was smaller. Most hats are smaller than the Patrick Hand Original™ Planter's Hat.) She asked me if she could try it on. Klaus had gone outside for a smoke, so I said, 'Sure.'
After that, I told her that my hat was a much better one to try on because it was tradition. So she did that as you see below. During my time at the Liberty Cafe and Pub, several other people appeared including Dutch (who had a non-alcholic cider with us) and Miss Felicity (who kissed Lob). "That 'cuz Lob is huggable, kissable, hot-rod monkey. All the chicks digs him!" So it was a fine time, overall, even for Lob.
 In the Patrick Hand Hat |
 Dutch and Lob (Sneaking Drinks) |
 Miss Felicity Plants a Big, Wet One on Old Lob. |
About this time, my camera finally gave up the ghost. Klaus had brought two cameras, including one for people like me (in other words, a point and shoot), so he loaned it to me for the duration of the weekend. So you should all thank Klaus or the rest of this Journal would be very dull indeed.
The Dinner Crew: Miss Felicity (sort of cut off at left), Doc, Klaus, Keith & Leigh
Later that evening there was a pirate dance going on at the Chowderhouse. "Oh boy! Dancing and drinking and singing and partying! Lob loves dances!" The Pirates of the Dark Rose were to start the festivities at the dance with a skit. Keith and Leigh were going to fire their pistols from the dock where the dance was taking place. So, other than the fact that Lob was with us, it seemed prudent to have dinner at the Chowderhouse. Which we did.
I ordered lobster chowder, thinking it would be a stew-like soup that would provide a nice meal, but it was not. It was a thin, albeit rich, soup containing nothing but lobster. Loads and loads of lobster, of course, but that is not what I call chowder.
My go-to source for definitions, the Freedictionary, tells us that chowder is "A thick soup containing fish or shellfish, especially clams, and vegetables, such as potatoes and onions, in a milk or tomato base." I thought this might just be a misunderstanding on the
Lob Enjoying
the
Chowderhouse
part of the Chowderhouse, but the next day I got clam chowder at Quoddy Bay Lobster and it turned out to be the same consistency with no vegetables. So I think someone needs to go into Eastport and explain chowder to them. (This is not to say that it was not good, because it was very good. It was just not quite what I expected.)
Lob was all worked up about the dance, so all the restraint he had shown earlier in the bar was gone. He was nearly uncontrollable in the restaurant, swinging around from table to table, running through people's entrees, drinking their wine and just making a general nuisance of himself. "How much for little girl? How much for de womens? Lob is going to party! Picking up chicks and smoking cigars! Doing forbidden poop-flinging moves on dance floor! Whee!" So we had to get out of there pretty quickly.
The party was just getting started when we walked into the brisk evening Eastport air. They had been doing light tests outside the window as we were dining and Lob had to be forcibly restrained. "You ruins all my fun. You bad surgeon monkey keeper."
We trooped out to Keith and Leigh's vehicle to retrieve their guns. (For some reason they didn't want us to bring the guns into the restaurant. "Lob would bring guns in if someone would give him a gun. Lob would be most responsible monkey with a gun ever you did see." Yeah, right.)
Keith With His Gun
Leigh have me a blunderbuss to hold so they would let me in without having to pay for the privilege. (There was a cover.) Then we climbed down the stairs into the party that was being staged on the dock. Lob immediately escaped and dived into the gyrating people on the dance floor bathed in the blue disco lights. "Lob is one wild and crazy monkey! Party hearty monkey Marty!" Marty?
The event organizers had roped off the end of the dock so that the general public couldn't go in the area where the guns were being fired, which is where Keith and Leigh went. I followed them and set the blunderbuss down on what appeared to be a canvas-covered solid rock pool table. Or maybe it was for cutting bait. That was pretty much the end of my job, so I climbed back out to see what was planned next.
The Pirates of the Dark Rose were discussing their skit, which would culminate in Keith and Leigh firing their weapons to start the party. I had thought this dance might be a good chance to chat with some of the local pirates
Leigh with Her Gun
and get some material for the Journal. Keith and Leigh advised me that they weren't staying once the firing was over, but I was still thinking I might stay and chat.
However, the pirate's role seemed to basically to do this skit and then leave the celebrating to the locals and folks from nearby towns who had paid their way in. Watching the dancers (and Lob "Yahoo! What you have on under skirt? Let me check!"), I quickly realized that this was the sort of thing I might have done twenty years ago, but tonight I was best off returning to the house with Keith and Leigh. "Pirate surgeons is lame!" Yeah, pretty much when it comes to this sort of thing. "Hey girlie, you needs back rub? Lob is one talented monkey! Gots long arms! No? How about front rub?"
The skit that was to start the dancing (which had, technically, already started without our help) went like this. The pirates were hanging around by the rope protecting the public from the shooters at the far end of the dance floor. The Viceroy appeared with his man (Doc) and announced that there could be no fun taking place here tonight. This was met by a volley of boos from the pirates, particularly in the person of Miss Felicity. She confronted the Viceroy, who sent his man Doc to wrangle with her. A fight ensued which Miss Felicity won with a quick jab. Keith and Leigh fired their weapons and the pirates cheered because they had won. Then the dancing started. Or, I should say that it restarted. It had only stopped when the DJ announce that the skit would take place.
 The Viceroy Prohibiting Fun |
 Miss Felicity and Doc Tussle While Viceroy Looks On |
 Miss Felicity Lands a Good Punch |
Rachel. And Someone's Coat.
Rachel appeared, which wasn't surprising given that she and Charlie (and Wetbeard) had their boat anchored off the Chowderhouse dock. Since her boat was there, I asked her to point it out to me. It had a bunch of lights strung on the topping lift ropes. Figuring this would probably be my only chance to get a photo of the vessel that had carried them all the way up from Key West, I went to the end of the dock and tried to take a photo in the dark.
I would like to blame Klaus's camera for the results, but the truth is that I'm just not that great of a photographer, especially when you start trying to do tricky things like take photos in the dark. You can see the results below left. Curiously, Rachel had taken the same photo and it came out just fine. She also had photos of the boat during the day (which I never saw), so I am posting that here as well.
Keith and Leigh were gathering up their guns and supplies and preparing to leave, so I followed. I looked for Lob, but I only saw brief flashes of mottled brown and white fur zipping around the dance floor. I didn't even bother trying to catch him. He could make his own way back.
"Hey there big stupid dude! You ugly I am going to steal hotsy-totsy girl from you." Maybe I could just bail him out of jail tomorrow morning. "Lob is wayyyy better lover than hideous muscle head moron!" Or maybe I could just collect the bits of fluff and rags that would be left on the dock tomorrow morning. "Oh, you wants fight? Lob fights good! Grr!"
 Photo: Mission Mission's Photo of the S/V Aurora at Night |
 Photo: Rachel Rachel's Photo of the S/V Aurora |
 Photo: Rachel The S/V Aurora During the Day |