Eastport Pirate Festival, 2013 - Eastport, ME
Mission and Skeleton Girl
Chapter 4: Of Saturday afternoon and evening; Beginning with the author and Keith returning to Eastport from the rental house to officiate the bed race (Keith officiated - by shooting to start the race - and I watched); Some local color from the Pirates of the Dark Rose booth; Getting roped in to judge a kid's costume contest along with several other people; Dogs - that's all, just dogs; Dinner at the house with the pirate family. Wow. I made it through a whole chapter introduction without complaints by Lob. He must still be enjoying Kita's company.
Keith had advised me not to miss the Eastport Pirate Festival Bed Race, which he told me would be zany. So when he was leaving the rental house to go back downtown, I made sure to go with him.
The first thing of note that I saw when we walked downtown were two girls, one painted like a skeleton. I knew I had to get a picture of me with her, but the place was so crowded that I quickly lost sight of her. Fortunately I came across her again later and I got the photo, as you see. (She was sort of hard to miss.)
Calvin & His Transmogrifier Gun
Keith and I wandered down the street looking for the starting point of the bed race. He was to be an official starter, firing his gun when the contestants were to begin their heats. (Again, we have Keith with guns. It was sort of his theme for the weekend.) We waded from one end of town to the other through the crowd, which appeared to have doubled its size since earlier. Clearly the Eastport Pirate Festival Bed Race was a popular event here!
We eventually arrived at the starting point. Keith suggested I wade back to the point we had come from, as it was the midpoint of the race where the flag changing would take place. He assured me that this would be the best vantage point from which to watch. So off I swam.
The Eastport Bed Race Crowd at the Midway Rope Barricade
I actually got a pretty decent spot across from the stage where the two flagpoles were situated. The announcers and street guards cleared the raceway in preparation. We all waited anxiously for the first heat to begin.
Now, for those of you who have never been to this, let me briefly explain how it worked. According to the Eastport Pirate Festival website, the bed racers had to construct their beds with at least four wheels that must be in "contact with the street surface at all times." (Apparently flying was strictly verboten.) The bed had to have mattress of "some sort" and there must be a bed rider who "must sit or lay flat on the bed whenever the bed is moving and [be] wearing a safety helmet." This safety helmet thing was probably the most important rule of them all based on what followed. There were four people pushing the bed, who "must be in control of the bed until it comes to a complete stop." (This rule was not strictly followed based on what I saw.)
Bed Racers Guiding Their Charges Up the Street
Two groups at a time competed. Their goal was to run up the street without actually killing anyone important or losing their rider. When they got to the rope barricade at the end of the race path, the rider had to jump off the bed, run onto the stage and lower the flag on one of the two flagpoles. This was to be replaced with a pirate flag of another color. Then the rider ran back to the bed and jumped in so the pushers could propel the wheeled contraption back to the starting line. Simple in concept, chaotic in execution.
I pointed my camera at the other end of the street to get a photo of Keith firing his gun to start one of the heats. I did manage to catch this, although you can't really tell because he was so far away. Keith was working with someone else with a gun - it may have been Fenris Chase - because they were afraid their guns might misfire and the race would take forever to start while they fiddled with the flints. This proved to be a prescient move; each of their guns misfired once, but never both at the same time.
 Keith Fires to Start the Race (Trust me.) |
 1st Heat Bed Racers Coming Up the Street |
 Bed Riders Switching the Flags |
 1st Heat Bed Pushers Await Their Flag-Raising Riders |
 A 1st Heat Team Races Back Down the Street To the Finish Line |
There were at least 5 heats. I took photos of each stage of each heat including the firing of the guns (which you can't see because they were so far away from me), but you probably already have a pretty good idea of how things went from the above photos. Instead I thought I'd share three of the more interesting photos of this zany race.
 Two Different Teams - Note How Military the Military Looks |
 Some Racers Apparently Didn't Do A Lot Of Pre-Race Training |
 You Know You're Off to a Fast Start When Your Rider Does This |
There were several action shots - this was a very action-focused event, obviously - so I thought I'd throw a few of those in here as well.
 As Soon As the Rider Gets Back You GO! |
 This Team Has a Leg Up. (Ha!) |
 The Burlesque Team Caroming |
It Doesn't Look So Hard...But Then
I Wasn't Up There Doing It
Probably the most amusing group were the Shipwrecked Burlesque Team, who clearly had not practiced at all. They sort of careened from one side of the street to the other, nearly taking out some folks on our side of the street. I suspect they were in the race more to advertise their show than to try and win the race. (It's amazing there hasn't been a fatality during this event. I think they need to install those huge, galvanized guard rails along the main street of Eastport if the Shipwrecked Burlesque Team decides to participate in this event again next year.)
Speaking of winning, it came down to two teams - the Coast Guard and one of the local high school sports teams. So there was a final race to determine which of the two were the best under pressure. They both made very good time getting to the midpoint (where I was standing). Curiously, the Coast Guard team got caught up during the flag-raising, allowing the local sports team to win. My dad served proudly in the Coast Guard, so I won't say more, but... they got caught up during the flag-raising?
With the race over, the streets filled with people. So I made my (very slow) way towards the Pirates of the Dark Rose booth at the opposite end of town. I don't know why I always seemed to need to go from one end of town to the other, but it was a definite facet of this event. Along the way I ran into Don and Miss Felicity, who told me this was perfect because they needed a judge of the kids' costume contest. This sounded awfully scaly to me, but in the spirit of trying new things,
Fenris Teaches the Town Kids Sword Fighting So They Can Beat the British
I agreed to be a judge. Then they wandered off. I wondered if I had gotten a reprieve from having to judge kids in pirate costumes?
I went back to the Pirates of the Dark Rose booth to try and find Keith. Once there, I saw Fenris Chase training an army of kids in sword-fighting techniques. Keith appeared and told me that this was to be the fighting force who would defeat the arms of Brits who were going to try and take over the city tomorrow to stamp out all forms of fun at the behest of the Viceroy. (Unfortunately, I had to fly out tomorrow in the early afternoon and was going to miss this.)
There was a lot of other residual activity at the Pirates of the Dark Rose booth following the Bed Race. Keith and I got roped into taking a photo with a woman who had clearly been patronizing the local pubs. Charlie and Sarah had gotten out their instruments and were playing atmospheric music with Fenris Chase. It was all very pleasant.
 Keith & Mission - Recip Photo |
 The Viceroy Exploring New Worlds |
 Sarah, Charlie and Fenris Play Their Hits |
"Lob is back!" How did your interview go? "Pheh. Dumb doggie is dumb doggie. What more need to be said?" The point of an interview is to draw interesting information out of your subject. Everyone has some interesting facets and anyone can miss this by just dismissing them with an adjective. "Lob could not get silly doggie to talk." I see.
I Really Don't Think You Want to Put
That in Your
Mouth
Say, is that a new hole in your fake fur? "Yes. Stupid doggie only want to chew on Lob. Lob good interviewer. Him bad interview." Ah. "Doggie carry Lob around for all day and then drop me in gutter. Lob can get to gutter without help from any foolish doggie." Yes, that's true...
Don, Kathleen and Miss Felicity reappeared and it became apparent that I had indeed been enlisted as a judge in the Kid's Costume Contest. Keith had tried to warn me about doing this, but it was too late. For good measure, they snagged Keith as well. There were going to be a lot of judges for this thing. So we made our way back to the other end of town (of course) where the stage was situated.
"Hey! Surgeon hat come back! Little girl is molesting Lob!" Nobody can molest you. Oh, it's your friend from the Ada C. earlier today. How nice. "No little girl is Lob's friend. They want to pull on Lob's fur and dance with him and chew on his head!" Kind of like the dogs. "Save Lob!" Oop. Gotta' go be a judge. Don't worry. I'm sure she'll take care of you. "She not taking care of Lob! Help! Save Lob!"
 "Oh good! A monkey!" |
 "They Go with Everything." |
 "And You Dance With Them!" |
 Bribing Her to Get Lob Back |
The guy who was running the contest tried to interview us so he could introduce us, but he quickly got overwhelmed. As a result, we weren't individually introduced, which was probably just as well given the quality of our judging. When the judges were announced, we all tromped up onto the stage and took position off to one side where we could watch the kids.
Photo: Don Dunbar
Interviewing a Contestant
The children were massed down by the stairs at the edge of the stage. They looked sort of like a mob, but as the contest started, it became apparent that they had been roughly divided into three groups by age. I don't recall the exact categories, but it was something like 2-5, 6-9 and 10-13. The younger group started the proceedings. Being so young, many of them were accompanied by their parents.
The announcer interviewed each of them, first asking them what they would do on the pirate ship. The first couple didn't know (which meant they would be working in the bilge, I suppose) and then one of them stumbled upon something like 'sailing the ship' or 'sword fighting' or some such and several of the others copied that. Then I believe the announcer asked them to say something piratey, by which he meant, 'Say Arr!" (Some of these kids were pretty shy and required quite a bit of coaching, even on the "Arr!") At this point in the narrative, it would be amusing to repeat some of the funnier answers the kids gave, but they really didn't give any that I can remember. I guess they figured that pirates would be a serious lot.
Photo: Don Dunbar
The Contest Judges - Your Author, Keith, Doc, Miss Felicity, The Viceroy
and Someone I Don't Know
As the interviews were being conducted, we all stood off to the side watching, as you see at right. (We do look sort of grim and serious, don't we? We were actually wondering how we were going to judge this thing.) Our role was pretty limited during the majority of the event because the announcer had to give each child their five seconds of fame.
He eventually made his was through all the fifteen or twenty children in the 2-5 group, putting the ball in our court. We had to pick one boy and one girl. The winners would receive candy and a little sword with something like 'Eastport Pirate Fest Contest Winner' painted on the side of it.
First the announcer had the kids line up so we could parade in front of them, making a big show of inspecting them and musing thoughtfully. (And it was mostly a show.) Then we went back to our side of the stage and talked.
There were two camps on the winning girl in this contest - one favored one kid and the other favored another. This was eventually settled after some serious discussion. Perhaps we subconsciously realized that this was only going to make the proceedings take longer, because that was the last such extended debate.
The winners of the 2-5 group were announced and kids from the 6-9 age group came up one by one to be interviewed. The answers to the interview questions got a little better as the kids got older. By the time we got to the 10-13 year-old group, several of them boldly announced that they planned to take over the ship. (Parents take note!) You can see the boy and girl winners from each group in the photo below right. It actually wasn't as bad as Keith said, although it would have been nice to have had seats for the interviewing process.
 Photo: Don Dunbar "Do you see the cutthroat who stole your purse in this lineup?" |
 Photo: Don Dunbar Your 2013 Eastport Pirate Festival Kid's Costume Contest Winners! |
We now digress from the narrative for a bit to talk about dogs. I have been to some dog-friendly events, but Eastport has them all beat. Hands down. There were dogs everywhere on the streets of the city on Saturday. I actually stopped taking photos of them, there were so many dogs walking around. I don't exactly remember the pirate/dog link in the literature, but Eastport was doing their best to promote such a link. So let's take a look at some of these examples of man's best friend.
 This is a Poodle. I think. (OK, I have no idea.) |
 Being a Dog Means You Can Rest Where You Like |
 When a Body Meets a Body Coming Down the Street |
 A Pug. (This is Here For My Editor) |
Dogs love hanging with the pack, so even if we can't find specific examples of them with the golden age pirates, they probably would have made good crew members. (The only trouble being that they couldn't fire weapons. They can look menacing, however.) Anyhow, here are some dogs hanging with their 'packs.'
 "Oboy! We're Going Somewhere! Where? Who cares?" |
 "So When Do We Sail, Boys?" |
 Hangin' With the Crew |
One great thing about dogs is that you can put clothing on them and they are OK with it. I have a cat, myself. I wouldn't dare put clothing on her. She barely tolerates me as it is. But dogs are for wearing stuff.
 A Pug in a Pirate Shirt. (Maybe Captain Pugwash?) |
 I Think This is A Terrier. S/he is in a Jaunty Red Scarf |
 Photo: Rachel Shirted Retriever |
 Charlie Brown (aka Wetbeard) Garbed and Ready for Action! |
Keith and I went back to the house where Klaus was putting the finishing touches on dinner for the crew. Klaus' meal focused on meat, so Leigh and I left before the party started so I could grab something I could eat at a local restaurant. When we got back, the house was full of pirates. (Well, more full of pirates.) Klaus was getting dinner out on the table, so we sat down.
The house had a huge circular table with a very large lazy susan in the middle of it. I've heard that Klaus often cooks for the crew, but I suspect just the sight of that monstrous lazy susan had some part in encouraging Klaus to prepare an at home dinner for the crew.
 Dinner at the Giant Table with Lazy Susan |
 The Pirate Family Dines Together |
I had bought a bottle of wine earlier and this seemed like the opportunity to get it out. I shared it with Rachel because she was sitting next to me. She was most appreciative of this because they didn't tend to drink much during their voyage up the waters of the east coast. As she explained it to me, you could either have a heckuva night out at the bars or be able to afford another two weeks of sailing. So I was glad to be able to help her out.
Of course, anytime there is food and wine (particularly wine), Lob appears. "Lob should be allowed to have a good time." Because why? "He is Lob - swinging party animal!" By 'swinging,' you mean from the chandelier that hung over the table, right? "Is convenient way to get from one side of table to other. "Not to mention get monkey germs all over everything. "Lob is disease free. No germs, monkey or other. Hey table moves! Lob ride on table instead of swinging from chandelier!" Because that's so much more hygienic.
 Lob Sneaking Wine |
 Lob Swinging On the Chandelier |
 Lob 'Riding' the Lazy Susan |
You better be careful. "I am riding the table, is like carnival ride. The peoples who make the ride are responsible for Lob being safe." That's not what I mean. You're in the middle of all the food... "Hey! Stop stabbing me with the fork! Hey! Lob's not food! Lob's not food!" I warned you. (I should probably have warned these guys instead of you.)
 The Viceroy With a Slice of Lob |
 Kathleen Gets a Scoop of Lob |
 Reztiews Takes a Bite Out of Lob (And Crime) |
Once Lob was in play, I had to get folks to pose with him. "Lob is not a plaything. I not in play!" Yes. You are.
 Kathleen With Lob on Her Lapel |
 Don Offers Lob to the Camera |
 Joanna in a Classic Lob Pose |
I talked with Jhode, who turned out to be quite an interesting person. So I thought I'd end this chapter with my interview with her. "What about Lob?" I've had enough of Lob. No doubt everyone else has too. "There is never enough of Lob." Oh, believe me, there is.
Photo: Rachel
Jhode and Fenris Chase
Jhode starting reenacting when she got involved in what she called "combat choreography" in a Renaissance group in southern Florida. At one point she wound up at a pirate gig, which appealed to her. "I always liked pirates- the rebellion, the sea, the era... and I came from the world's largest whaling port... I guess it was inevitable." Her father was from the West Indies, so she figures there may well be pirate in her blood. She also told me you couldn't keep her away from the ocean. "Of course there's always that certain element of freedom involved... being able to escape the norm and play pirate is always a great breather from the modern day. There's also never been an event where I haven't learned something new."
If all that wasn't enough to make her turn pirate, she is good friends with Dutch. "I've known him well-over half of my life, and throughout the years he's been a vast treasure trove of knowledge, humor and song." Her Facebook page said she is a crew member of the M/V Patience, which Dutch captains in North Carolina. She told me the Patience was built as a 34' pilot house motor yacht, which was notable for being the first boat to use a glass hull in the lobster fishing.
Photo: Rachel
Jhode and Her Captain, Dutch
I was very curious about her name, so I asked where it came from. Her actual name is Jodi-Lynn, A lot of people shortened her name to 'Jode'. With that in mind, she told me she decided to spice it up by borrowing the silent H from Rhode Island. "My pirate name is actually 'Calico Jhode'. It actually happened a few years before I knew of "Calico Jack" and it had nothing to do with flamboyant fabrics from India. It was actually due to my multifaceted-ness, my ever changing hair color and my multi-racial background and heritage (born Canadian and West Indian (Trinidad) and raised Cape Verdean and Portuguese). I could never think of anything more true and fitting, so I kept it." That has got to be one of the best pirate name stories I've come across yet.
Jhode does body and face painting at festivals and other events. She was a resident body painter in Key West at the Garden of Eden (a 'clothing optional' bar), but when she moved back to Massachusetts, "the canvasses became... much, um... smaller." Right.
As a career she designs gardens, which sounds sort of fascinating to me. When I asked about her other hobbies, she gave me a laundry list: "musician (violin and bodhran), orchid enthusiast, MOM, animal advocate, OCEAN advocate, unlicensed psychotherapist, card reader, tassologist [tea leaf reader - I looked it up]. fire breather/eater, puppeteer, shoe whore, coat whore, hat whore..., occasional antique dealer, carpenter, raconteur, music trivia buff.." If that wasn't enough, she explained that she pursued all sorts of artistic endeavors including "wood carving, clay sculpting, acrylics, 3D suspended aquatic life and occasionally pearl jewelry."
"I am attracted to shiny things like a ferret, I have a very eclectic found-fashion sense, and my blood consists of salt water, some rum and ...uh... lots of caffeine."
 Photo: R. Fazio Jhode - Not Just Kiddie Face Painting! |
 Photo: Jhode Koi Artwork |
 Photo: Frank C. Grace Jhode as a Steampunk Mad Scientist |