Eastport Pirate Festival, 2013 - Eastport, ME
Chapter 3: Saturday day. Well, part of the day. Saturday had lots of stuff going
Lob Looking at the Pile of Dog Toys
on, so this chapter will focus on the first part of the day which involved going on a pirate cruise in the bay with a bunch of kids and the parade. It will also include a look at the Pirates of the Dark Rose setup and... "Groan. Stupid writer stop screaming in squiggly. Lob is having monster headache this morning." Well it's your own fault. You could have left with us. "Thbbt! Lob no listen." I figured that the big guy pounded you into stuffing last night. Wait, you're already stuffing. How about reduced-fat stuffing. "Big guy big powder puff. Lob stole his girl." I bet. "Lob never lie. *Groan*" Uh huh. "Surgeon stop talking loud squiggly text. Lob needs aspirin. Maybe need Vicodin. Maybe whole bottle..." WHAT WAS THAT LOB?! "Aiieee! Stop yelling! Do that again and Lob hide his poop in your pillow."
Klaus Cooking Sour Beef in the House Kitchen
You will, huh? Maybe I should throw you in Sophie and Sammie's pile of dog toys. "Stick Lob in mouthy dumb yellow doggie toys? No! Lob be good! Lob not hide poop! Lob present poop on silver platter!" Oh, boy. I should definitely throw you in the pile of dog toys...
We got up somewhat early this morning. (Well, I got up with the sun just like the day before, but the rest of the house got up fairly early too.) Keith and Leigh planned to go down to the docks for a pirate ride on a charter boat with the kids. (We being the pirates, you see.)
Klaus was going to stay behind and cook sour beef for the pirate crew dinner this evening. So after breakfast, the rest of us got garbed up and headed for downtown while Klaus took over the kitchen.
When we arrived downtown, we found the Pirates of the Dark Rose setting up their display. They were also discussing the details of what everyone was going to be doing that day and going over rules and whatnot.
The Pirates of the Dark Rose Display at Eastport
It was kind of nice to have no duties at this event. Although there weren't many folks around at this time of day, later in the day it got really busy. There was far more traffic through the Dark Rose site during the day than any other event I had been at. It occurred to me that it would have been sort of nice to have the surgical equipment out on display, although it would have basically been nonstop presenting from 10 to 5 pm.
Their display was pretty nice as you can see here. There were a pair of cannons in the front and several tables set up. They had one of the nicest period gun displays I had seen at an event, featuring all sorts of different types of clearly labelled guns, including a wheel lock (which I don't believe I have ever seen before.) There was also a huge wooden model of a flint lock as a background to the gun table. Keith was so impressed by this that he was thinking about making one. It was really neat.
 The Pirates of the Dark Rose Treasure Table |
 The Gun Display |
 The Pirates of the Dark Rose's Giant Wooden Flint Lock
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My tour of the site ended when Miss Felicity announced that we must be off to the schooner Ada C. Lore, the charter boat that was going out at 10am with a bunch of kids we were to entertain. It happened to be on the opposite side of town from where the Pirates of the Dark Rose setup was, so we strode boldly through town to the docks and proceeded down to the water's edge with the ship was docked.
 The Eastport Dock from the Roadway |
 Leigh & Keith Descend to the Ada C. |
Photo: Don Dunbar
Mission and His Muse: Lob
The boat was filled with kids, waiting for the pirate sail. I don't know about you, but there is always that moment when I am about to 'perform' where I wonder how I am going to do it. It's not a naturally comfortable thing for me to do. Still, from years of experience working in haunted houses, presenting trainings, doing surgical displays and pirate skits, I have learned that the worst part of it is that moment where I wonder how I am going to do it. I've also discovered that it's best just to grab on to an idea and start performing. Pretty soon you forget that you are performing.
So I seized upon the first thing that I could think of which I associate with childish behavior: Lob. "Hey! Lob no child. Him grown monkey of great prowess! You should see Lob making time with the chi-" Naturally, I grabbed him by the mouth.
My basic idea was to get him into the hands of the kids and have them pose for me. Usually I tell people to do something disgusting with him, which I might have done with the kids, had their parents not been there. Instead I just asked them if they wanted to hold the pirate monkey and took photos. The parents proved to be very helpful, particularly when it came time to retrieve Lob from the toddlers. They seem to figure that when you give them a stuffed monkey, you mean for them to keep it. Kind of like Sammie, really. Some of them even put Lob in their mouths. "Pthui! Lob hates that! Kiddie slobber." So below are several of photos which I took of this. (This idea worked better than I could have dreamed it might.) Enjoy!
 Aww... |
 "Is it boy or girl?" |
 Girls Posing with the Irascible Monkey |
 Giving Lob the Heimlich
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 Lob holding on for dear life. |
 A Gathering of Cutthroats... Literally! Ha ha. |
 This Parrot Wanted to Keep Lob
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There are actually a bunch more photos of Lob - there were a lot of kids on this boat - but I think that's enough for now.
The Must Roos Attacking the Ada C.
"What? No! Lob is best part of whole stupid surgeon thing! All his friends say so!" Friends? You don't have any friends. "Yes I do! Lob has own Facebook account. Is bestest Facebook account on whole web! I have 334 friends! See? Lob has friends!" I'll bet you paid some of them to be your friends. "Lob never pays nobody nothing never. Him has no cash. Lob depends on the kindness of strangers." What about Michael and Jessica? "Them too, although they keeps Lob in a drawer under a brick when not at events. Something silly about poop in the kitchen drawers." Right. Tell you what, I'll post some more photos of you with the kids later. We don't want to overwhelm the readers with too much of your... er, charm. "Yes. Is a good idea. Too much Lob makes people swoons." You can say that again.
The Ada C. Gun Crew: Keith, Leigh,
Kathleen (sans gun) and Reztiws
So the ship departed from the dock and the sail began. The Ada C. was immediately set upon by the British forces sailing in Captain Crudbeard's boat the Must Roos. Miss Felicity told me that Crudbeard had actually built his boat himself, which was really too bad because the pirates on the Ada C. were now going to have to sink it.
Keith, Leigh, and a fellow from the Pirates of the Dark Rose with the impossible name of Reztiws Damian Erikson were at the prow of the Ada C. firing upon the Must Roos. Like the dance on Friday night, the entire front of the ship had been roped off to keep the public from being around those who were firing black powder weapons. The crews of the Ada C. and Must Roos fired back and forth at each other with the pirates eventually killing one of the Brits as you see below right. "Serves silly Brit right! Standing way out front like that. Even Lob smarter than that."
 The Must Roos Coming Up on the Ada C. |
 Firing on the Must Roos |
 A Victim on the Must Roos
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While the noise of the gunfire and the racing ships was neat, it didn't involve the folks who had paid to be on the charter, so Miss Felicity and I started exhorting them to shake their fists and (plastic) swords at the pirates. One young man fired his (plastic) pistol at them. The soldiers on the Must Roos responded to all this fearsome saber rattling with aplomb. Although it is unlikely any of the kids on the Ada C. managed to do any harm to the Brits, they were still pleased with themselves and decided they were victorious.
 Crowd Jeering the British Soldiers on the Must Roos |
 The Crowd is Victorious. (Or at least that kid thinks they are.) |
The two boats ran along the shore for a while and then the Ada C. headed out to sea. We pirates had apparently lost our taste for battle. The Must Roos headed back into port and the kids on the boat agreed that we had won. (Well, we hadn't lost against a British government ship, so they may have had a point.)
Since this actually was a charter, the crew set a course for the whirlpool. Eastport has one of the largest natural whirlpools in the western hemisphere (named 'Old Sow' of all things) and I'm guessing that the Ada C. usually just took tourists out for a closer look at it when there were no pirates aboard. On the way, Don Dunbar and his girlfriend Kathleen Marie Esposito came forward of the rope. Keith and Leigh gave Kathleen her first taste of firing black powder weapons as you see below. Don also took the opportunity to fire the blunderbuss.
 Leigh Explains to Kathleen |
 Kathleen Fires the Pistol |
 Kathleen Fires the Blunderbuss |
 Don Fires the Blunderbuss
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Speaking of Kathleen, I spoke to Kathleen. She is fairly new the pirate world, although she had been to the first or possibly second Eastport Pirate Festival. (Apparently it was tough to tell whether you were at a festival in the beginning because, like many events, she told me it was really just "a few people walking around in eye patches" in the early days. Clearly things have changed!) She went away to college after that and missed a bunch of them.
Kathleen Strikes a Pirate Pose
Kathleen told me she returned to Eastport after graduating from college during the weekend of the 4th of July when she was looking for a job as a dental hygienist. She had been trying to find one in Halifax, Nova Scotia where her school was. "While there, several random people came up to me and told me that they could really use another hygienist at the clinic and that it took so long to get an appointment. So just for fun, I dropped off my resume at the health center in town. 3 days later, I had a job offer. It was like fate!"
I asked her why she got involved in pirate reenacting and she said it was almost accidental. "It's just that there was this huge festival going on right outside my door and I love to dress up and have fun. And I've been involved in theater my whole life... There was no way that I wasn't going to get involved!" She noted that she liked the fun side of it, but was also interested in seeing some more historically-based reenactments as well.
I was delighted to learn that she worked four summers at Rayes Mustard Mill (Due to the whole Belushi thing. I now felt a connection to the Mustard Mill.) She worked there selling mustard and as their primary tour guide. She said she could recite the whole tour 'spiel' by heart. From her I learned that the mill was originally built to accommodate the local sardine industry as they packed the sardines in mustard. I guess if you have to eat sardines, you may as well put them in mustard.
She was also chosen to be the mustard model. "They have a mustard costume that they bought for an employee (namely, me) to wear for special occasions." During a parade on the 4th of July (possibly 2007), she offered to walk in the parade wearing the mustard costume. It was suggested that she chase the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, but she thought that was too silly.
Sheldon and his 'Labradoodle'
Being an actress, she has played some other notable roles, besides a pirate. For example, she played a talking labradoodle named Sylvia. (This reminds me of Sheldon. I'm sorry, it just does.) She's also played other parts, but that one just sticks in my head because, in addition to reminding me of Sheldon, 'labradoodle' is a funny word. Honestly, say it out loud. After playing this role, Kathleen found that "Random people would come up to me on the street and say "Hey Hey Hey," which was me barking (The line was written that way). Total strangers would start barking at me. It was quite an honor!" This attitude alone makes her a good candidate for pirate reenacting.
"She also like monkeys! Lob is monkey! See photo of Kathy-girl Lob finds?" So? "So I helping stupid author write story. You hasn't talked about Lob for long time." Again, so? "You promised more photos of Lob and you didn't put any in yet." This is an profile of someone who is blessedly not Lob. When writing a profile, you talk about the person you're profiling, not egocentric little stuffed monkeys. "Big deal. Lob could do interviews better than surgeon. Lob is good at everything." Prove it. "Lob will prove it."
 Kathleen in Her Mustard Costume |
 Kathleen Posing with USS Constitution Cannon |
 Kathleen & Monkeys |
Checking Out an Old Sow Whirlpool Eddy on the Ada C.
Back on the Ada C., we arrived at the Old Sow. Actually, when we arrived, there wasn't one Old Sow, there were several small eddies. One of the crew noted that these were like offshoots of the main whirlpool which was still forming at this time. The wikipedia article on Old Sow calls these little surrounding whirlpools 'piglets.' It also goes into the many theories about how the whirlpool came to receive this name, one being that the it made pig-like noises. (Which would have been amusing, although I didn't hear any pig noises when we were there.)
You may wonder how it could be safe to hang around at the edge of the largest natural whirlpool in the western hemisphere (especially if you saw Pirates of the Caribbean 3: The Final Fate of Everyone But Jack and Barbossa with it's silly climactic whirlpool battle. However, we were assured that it was perfectly safe for all but small craft. (I guess the S/V Aurora is a small craft. Leigh told me that Rachel and Charlie wouldn't take it out here.
After seeing Old Sow, the captain took the Ada C. back towards port. This gave me time to get some more photos of kids posing with Lob. Ahem. PHOTOS WITH LOB! *crickets* Hey Lob, I'm talking about you again. "Lob is busy. Practicing for big interview that shows saucer-hatted doctor how good interview is done rightly." Oh. OK. You do that. You don't really need a fedora with a card in it that says 'Prezz' though. "You does it your way, Lob does it his way."
 Poking Lob |
 The Popular Slitting Lob's Throat |
 Entangling Lob |
 Hugging Lob |
 Feeding Lob (I think) |
 Holding Lob 1 |
 Holding Lob 2 |
 Guarding Lob (or the Kids) |
We docked again and everyone disembarked. It was a lovely voyage. Right, Lob? "Lob busy. Call again later." Right.
Photo: Rachel
Dutch as a British Crier, Trying to Recruit Troops
We got back into town to find the place had gotten crowded in our absence. People were getting ready for the parade! So we headed back for the Pirates of the Dark Rose display at the other end of town. There we found folks gathered around to see the presentations. Crudbeard had taken Oreo out of his cage and was showing him off to two girls.
Dutch was standing at one side of the Dark Rose display at a sort of makeshift podium. He was exhorting the crowds to sail on boat tour that evening with a British crew who was looking for recruits. According to him (and he should know because he had to say it over and over and over...), he would cry out, "Make your mark. Gain your shilling, serve King and Country!"
It's really too bad that we weren't back in the golden age of piracy because his job would have been much easier - he could have used a cudgel rather than trying to convince people with words.
 The Crowds Swarm in Downtown Eastport on Saturday |
 Crudbeard and Oreo Entertain |
 Dutch Seeks Sailors |
Crudbeard & the Viceroy in the Parade With Me Behind the Crowd
The crowds of people began to engulf the Pirates of the Dark Rose booth in preparation for watching the parade. I did my best to get in there and get some decent photos, but this crowd was a pushy lot. The first thing I thought worthy of photos were folks from our group, so you can see one of those here at right.
You will notice three people standing in front of me, one of whom may look very familiar to you. That would be Rachel. She was one of the pushy lot, clearly better at being pushy than I was, so she got better photos of the parade. So let's use her photos instead of mine. (I mean, how many photos do you need to see of the back of Rachel's hat, right?)
Doc and another fellow I don't know with a very long gun were leading the Pirates of the Dark Rose group. I
guess if you're going to be in a parade, you should bring the big guns though.
Checking Out an Old Sow Whirlpool Eddy on the Ada C.
Behind them were Fenris Chase and Keith, which you see in the photo below center. Rachel got a shot of Keith firing his pistol in the air as they walked further up the street which reminded me of the cartoon at left.
Now, those of you who have been paying attention may have noticed that this is the second time Keith's behavior has reminded me of Calvin. (Funny about that...) Behind them were Crudbeard and the Viceroy, who I think joined the parade in the middle because the Viceroy was wearing cheap Chinese shoes that were hurting his feet. (At least that's what he said.)
 Photo: Rachel Doc (left) and Someone in the Parade |
 Photo: Rachel Fenris Chase (left) and Keith in the Parade |
 Photo: Rachel Keith Firing in the Parade |
The rest of the parade was similar in some ways to most parades you've seen, although there was quite a bit of effort to give everything a pirate flair. There were the groups...
 Photo: Rachel The Shipwrecked Burlesque Troop |
 Photo: Rachel The Easternmost Pirate Bag Piping Group |
 Photo: Rachel Sullivan Granite Jalopy Crew |
And of course there were kids. (There are always kids in these things.)
 Photo: Rachel "Wotch Fer a Ship wit' Pink Sails" |
 Photo: Rachel A Rather Funereal Pram |
 Photo: Rachel Not All Kid's Are Human, You Know. |
Naturally there were floats. Of interest to Journal readers was my house mate Klaus who was portraying King Poseidon. You see him on the parade float in the photo below right. Apparently the sour beef dinner could wait while he did his turn as half man/half fish for the Liberty Cafe. He was actually to remain parked out in front of the Cafe for an hour after the parade. I meant to get up there and see him, but I didn't get the chance.
 Photo: Mission The Black Pearl Family Float |
 Photo: Mission A Bunch of Skeletons |
 Photo: Mission Klaus as King Poseidon - Liberty Cafe Float |
Of course, my favorite thing in the parade was the most absurd: the parrot. Now, we've already seen a baby dressed as a parrot and you may be wondering how this could be more absurd than that. It wasn't so much the parrot's costume (although that was certainly absurd) or the fact that he seemed to need two handlers to guide him through the parade and stave off the thronging masses. (Which clearly didn't work, as one of our pirates, Jhode Cabral, about whom we'll hear more in the next chapter, was able to run right out and pose with the parrot.) No, it was the way the parrot behaved as you can see in the photos below. I guess the guy in the costume figured that if you have to spend the afternoon in a parrot costume, you may as well go all the way.
 Photo: Mission Jhode & the Parrot |
 Photo: Rachel The Parrot Gestures. (What does he mean, exactly?) |
 Photo: Mission That is One Happy Parrot! |
With the parade over, we headed back- "Lob is ready." For what? "Lob is going to do interview now. Better than cockamamie brown-hat surgeon does." Really? Who are you going to interview? "Does not matter, it will be better than you."
Fine, but you have to have a subject for you interview. I like to find people who are on the quieter side because they often have the most interesting stories to tell. "Whatever. Lob finds someone. OK, Lob chooses stupid doggie." Stupid doggie? Which stupid doggie? "That stupid doggie."
"Hey stupid doggie! Time to get interviewed!"
Kita? That's Miss Felicity's dog. Are you sure you want to interview Kita? Your track record hasn't been so hot with the dogs so far. Plus she looks like she might have some wolf in her. Maybe you should interview a dachshund or chihuahua. Find something that's at least closer to your size in case the worst should happen. "What happen? Lob is greatest, most charmingest interviewer that was ever. You see." OK...
"Hey stupid doggie! Come over here to be interviewed! Lob wants to know all about your worthless life! Hey, quit sniffing! This isn't incense night! We doing serious, down-and-dirty interview. Tell me all about other dogs whose butt you sniffed. Lob knows dogs sniff butts and perspiring minds wants to know more. Is it fun? It looks like fun. When by himself in the drawer at Michael and Kate's Lob sometimes takes out the ice cream scoop and- Hey! Put Lob down! I'm no stupid doggie toy! Leggo! Lob is- Stop! Helllllp!"
Well, let's leave Lob to conduct his interview. I'm headed back to the house for a rest before the bed race.
 "Hmm. Smells like something I might eat." |
 "Let's see what the noisy thing tastes like..." |
 "It's a bit stringy." |