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Pirate Fest, June 2011 - Put-in-Bay, OH
Chapter 5th. Of the Saturday battle, featuring an over-long, drawn-out description of the battle itself; the parade which the surgeon didn't even realize was going on despite having been in it the previous year; and whatever dregs your author can find at the bottom of the photo barrel - purely for your amusement, of course.
This brings us to the battle. Michael Bagley had lobbied hard 
Photo: Clint Beach
Jennie Gist, taking one for the team
for a battle during the event and whoever is in charge of OKing battles, probably the city council, finally decided it might be all right to have one, but they would have to see how things went during the day scheduled. (The pirates would have made a lot more progress during the Golden Age of Piracy if it hadn't been for all those fussy city councils.)
So we were were probably having a battle which I wanted to see, if not participate in. I don't own or fire a black powder hand weapon and this was to be a short battle, so I decided not to participate in it. You can be in such a battle when you you don't have a firing weapon, but you're basically asking to be shot in the early rounds since you can't contribute much to the battle other than your body. I could have played surgeon, but being short, I decided it was best to watch rather than play this time.
I told Jennie Gist that I was going to head over to the battle site to record what was happening. I explained that I had to get notes and observations for all my Journal readers. (See, I'm always thinking of you guys, especially when it comes to opportunities to go goofing around.) She said that was fine and that she would stay behind and watch the site. I want to note here that Jennie was the real hero of the battle on Saturday because none of the rest of could have been able to play without her being willing to watch all of our stuff. Thanks, Jennie!
On one side of the field we had the defenders and the cannon, all located conveniently in front of the Frosty Bar. ("Located in the heart of Put-in-Bay's downtown!")
 Photo: Thatchers Jay and Bryan of the defenders check their pieces while M.A. d'Dogge patrols. The Dan stands. |
 Photo: Mission Mary Diamond joins the crew. "What are we fighting for?" cries Captain d'Dogge. "Frosty Bar!" answers the crew. |
On the other side of the field the pirates were waiting patiently to begin the battle. You don't normally expect that sort of behavior from pirates, do you? It just goes to show you what kind of pirates you get when you hire the Mercury. (Now available for parties, local pillaging and bat mitzvahs.)
 Photo: Thatchers The pirates waiting for city council to allow their attack. Say... what's going on over on the far left? |
 Photo: Thatchers I think Silas was threatening to steal Lisa's spoon? |
 Photo: Thatchers I guess Lisa got the better of him. He'll just have to use his gun. |
Finally the city council Decree to Allow Pirates to Attack the Town made it through during an emergency session. Of course, the pirates had not wasted their time just standing and waiting for city council. With a cry of "Break!" Mark Gist got his pirates into position for the taking of Frosty Bar! ("Celebrating 60 Years of Island Tradition" (By 'tradition' they mean 'tourists drinking lots of beer'))
First, as you can see below center left, they ran to the left. The defenders immediately fired one of their several cannons to the left, yelling "Protect Frosty Bar!" (Featuring The Backyard. "Think Chipotle, but better… think Ryan Stoiber style!") So the pirates ran back to the right. So much for their plan!
 Photo: Mission Rogues a-plotting. |
 Photo: Mission The pirates run to the left |
 Photo: Mission The defenders fire cannons left... |
 Photo: Mission ...so pirates run right. |
Newly established in their new, 'right'-sided position, the pirates re-attacked the defenders. They could see the tantalizing sign of the Frosty Bar ("Good breakfasts, pizza, cold beer, and subs, Yes; But a professional sport fishing team?") right behind those darned defenders and their cannon! They wanted a cold mug! Unfortunately, sensing a plan that had worked before would work again, the defenders then fired their weapons to the right. This meant that all the cannon fodder (or 'people who didn't have any firing weapons and had no reason to continue running back and forth') went down in a heap, like poor Richard (below right.)
 Photo: Mission Pirates re-attack from the new 'right' position... |
 Photo: Mission ...so the defenders fire right... |
 Photo: Mission ...killing all the cannon fodder. |
Photo: Mission
Pirates on the offensive This would not stand, the pirates thought to themselves. With a shout of "Win one for the cannon fodder!" they surged forward and went after the defenders of Frosty Mug. ("Where competitive types can also try their hands at the Big Bug Hunter Classic or Safari video games located in the bar area." Big Bug Hunter Classic?! Is that a typo or have I been missing out on something cool? Is this related to the fish flies?)
For some strange reason, the defenders chose to run at the pirates rather than fall back and let the cannons do their thing. A melee resulted as you see below. Among the other things that happened, Lisa attacked Mary Diamond quite viciously with her large spoon. She must have hit her pretty good, because I later read that Lisa killed Mary Diamond. While shocking, I somehow doubt that the phrase, "Lisa killed Mary Diamond with a large spoon!" will replace the favorite chestnut we giggle at on the Pyracy Pub Forum which is "Stynky shot Mary Diamond!" (Why we find this amusing is a question for the ages...or our asylum keepers.) Either this, or the fact that they had dispatched all the defenders, caused the pirates to cheer as you can see in the photo below right.
 Photo: Mission The pirates make more progress towards taking Frosty Bar. |
 Photo: Mission Lisa attacking Mary. |
 Photo: Mission Lisa routs Mary, the pirates overreact |
While the pirates were busy congratulating themselves, the gunners loaded their cannons. See, they had been standing over there drumming their fingers while waiting for the defenders of the Frosty Bar ("Frosty's hot, cheesy pizza is also available for catering!") to get the heck out of their way. Since the pirates had killed them all, the gunners fired their cannon and somehow managed to kill every last pirate in one shot. Amazing! (Not to mention: Impossible!) Thus endeth the battle.
 Photo: Mission I think they triple-loaded the cannon this time. |
 Photo: Thatchers The resulting carnage - was it loaded with ball bearings?! |
Well, that wasn't absolutely, positively the end of it, but the gun-fire was over. All the pirates had to get up again after being killed, presumably so as not to give the little kids nightmares. (Their ear-drums may have been burst with that last cannon shot, but we weren't going to be responsible for bad dreams. No sir.) They all kind of stood around for a bit, bathing in the glow of a pretty good battle story. Then it was over. Well, except for the last gratuitous Frosty Bar reference. ("Shop in Frosty's online store front, where you can find your favorite Frosty's gear online, year round!")
 Photo: Mission "Silas, did you get killed again? I just washed those breeches Monday!" |
 Photo: Mission Georgia multi-tasking. |
Speaking of Georgia
Photo: Margarita
What Georgia was drawing: a mermaid
she spent a lot of her time during the weekend drawing. I asked her about this and she explained to me that since she drew what other people asked her to draw for a living, it was nice to have time to be able to draw something for herself. (I find this odd. I used to mow grass at a golf course when I was younger. Despite the fact that we could all golf for free, the last thing I wanted to do was hang around that damned grass any more than was necessary. Of course, my sorry golf game may have also been a factor. But i digress.)
Georgia had had some trouble with coffee on the island, a tale that neatly fills space here, so I will re-tell it in her words. "It seems a lot of places on the island only take cash, and I never carry cash, or even a debit card. The first place I went to had only a tiny "cash only" sign on the cash register, which I did not see, so the poor guy made me a special [coffee] drink only to find out I could not pay for it. Then I found a place that took credit cards, but when I asked for a latte (it was on their menu), the fellow said sorry, no steamed milk (I would have been cognizant enough to ask for cold milk if I'd had my coffee that morning, but as it was I stomped away defeated...) Finally, I found Thomas [Alleman], who had some cash, and we went to the ice cream shop, which did not have the specialty coffees that I like as a treat, but the regular coffee with creamer tasted exceptionally good at the end of my quest. There, see? It was a quest. Surely that makes the story worth sharing..." Plus it has a moral: in the words of the great Don Henley, "bring more money!"
 Photo: Mission Portrait of Georgia Drawing: Right |
 Photo: Mission Portrait of Georgia Drawing: Left |
 Photo: Margarita Portrait of Georgia Worn Out From Drawing |
Photo: Clint Beach
George is weary
Photo: Trish
Michael mentally zoning in the afternoon
Like Georgia, worn out was actually a major theme on Saturday amongst the crew. While I can't say anything for sure, I'm pretty certain that this had nothing whatsoever to do with things that went on the previous night. (And if you'll buy that, I have a beautiful sailing ship called the Mercury out in Put-in-Bay harbor that I'd like to sell you. I can even take you out to see her because the entire crew appears to have called it a day.)
So I thought it would make a nice ending to this chapter. You'll notice that many of these photos were taken by Clint "M.A. d'Dogge" Beach. No doubt there's a strange and mystical reason for this, but I'm too tired to care at this point.
 Photo: Thatchers Connie completely zonked |
 Photo: Clint Beach Lisa relaxing |
 Photo: Clint Beach Mission dead (to the world) |
After our naps, we pirates were ready for some pirating stuff!
Photo: Mission
Bryan hangin' at the surgeon's
When I returned to my surgeon's area, I found Bryan cooling his heels. You may recall that we first met Bryan on the last day of the May 2011 Santa Maria Pirate Weekend. He stopped by the ship and after a day of us decided he enjoyed playing pirate so much that he wanted to come to Put-in-Bay. I didn't get any decent pictures of him then, so I am using a CA Beach original here to remedy that. I took up the other chair under my display tent and we chatted for a bit.
Bryan cheerfully talked about being involved with both Star Trek and Star Wars groups as well as being an active participant in his local Ren Faire. However, as he explained to me, "They don't do that much in any of those things. Here you're outside interacting with people and doing stuff."
Photo: Clint Beach
Bryan in front of a fake sea
By 'doing stuff' I suspect that he may have been referring to the fact that a black powder gun had been placed into his hands and, after use and safety instructions were explained, allowed to fire the weapon. I've never been a big Trek fan, but I have liked Star Wars since I was a kid. (Which explains my Star Wars-themed bathroom that I believe I have mentioned in these Journals before. My house is an architectural paean to important bits of my past, so I had to include SW in there somewhere.) So we talked about that. Bryan told me he had started to make himself a Jedi Robe to go to Star Wars events, but never finished it.
During our discussion Bryan and I talked about my favorite part of the Star Wars
Photo: Somewhere
Sort of skeletonish?
universe: droids. I learned that there is a whole forum devoted to people who build functioning astromech droids! C'mon, that's at least sort of cool. (For those of you who aren't sci-fi geeks, R2-D2 is an astromech droid.)
Myself, I have always liked protocol droids and secretary droids (Geek-translation: C-3PO is a protocol droid. No character that had more than 3 seconds of screen time is a secretary droid, but they look a little like skeletons in a certain light and that probably explains everything you need to know about them at least as far as it concerns your author.) If I had to to make myself a Star Wars costume, I'd probably choose a secretary droid if I could figure out how to do it. However, since only those of you who have read this and thirteen really, really hard-core SW geeks have any idea that a secretary droid is on sight, that might be a bad plan. So maybe I'd lean towards a silver protocol droid. Of course, I'd have to lose half my body-weight to even consider getting into a costume like that, but those are the things you must do if you're a Star Wars re-enactor. (Which makes me a pirate re-enactor.)
Photo: Bryan w/ Mission's Camera
Mission not reading his sign
While I was busy doing other things, I missed the parade. (This is despite the fact that it was listed on one of the many signs that were posted in the park. I guess after I saw my name on the signs, I stopped reading.)
The parade appears to have been like last year's, starting in the area around the Boardwalk restaurant, which is in the opposite corner of the park from our display area. The police close down the streets around the park so that all those in pirate garb can proceed from the Boardwalk (presumably having made land-fall there to get some of the best lobster bisque in Put-in-Bay) to the stage where the costume contest takes place in the park near where all the bars are.
Photo: Thatchers
Captain Jack and his lady in the front.
(Bars and people in pirate outfits have a long-standing link as these Journals will attest.)
Near the front of the parade was the winner of the first year's (2009) costume contest, a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator. He had a lovely lass with him. Michael visited Put-in-Bay in 2009 to see the pirate festival with Mark Gist. He told me that Captain Jack had put on a sword-fighting demonstration in 2009 with someone dressed as Elizabeth Sparrow and someone dressed as Tia Dalma. I wondered if this young lady played Elizabeth? She could certainly pull that off.
Our crew was also well represented as you can see below. Behind Captain Halter-Top and her friend below, you will find Mark Gist. (Note: I made the girl's name up. I just wanted to be sure you wouldn't think that the girl was actually called Captain Halter-top.) (At least as far as I know, she wasn't.) Also processing were Mary Diamond and Lisa. They were walking with Captain Santa (made that up too. Natch.) Last in the photos are the boys of the Blitzen. You may be wondering about this whole Blitzen thing, but you'll have to wonder a little longer as we don't get to that part until the next chapter. (That's not foreshadowing, it's just plain teasing.)
 Photo: Thatchers Mark Gist parading about. |
 Photo: Thatchers Mary Diamond and Lisa walking the route.. |
 Photo: Thatchers The Donner, uh, Blitzen Party. |