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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion Nov/Dec 2012 - Key West, FL
Chapter 5th: Of Friday evening. Beginning with dinner at Cafe Sole; An almost irrelevant aside on
Photo: Mission's Camera
madPete, Mission, Alexis and Mae Toast the Evening... or Food... or the Fact They Have Wine
Christmas lights (when you write the journals you get to talk about every darn-fool thing that enters your head); Not taking the Mae Snake trail; The Buccaneers Ball; Chrispy Starts a Round of the Hat Swap Game; Another aside about Patrick Hand (See how this works?); The Surgeon Dances without permanently maiming anyone; Yet another aside about M.A. d'Dogge (it just keeps going and going...); Visiting the supposedly haunted latrines; Meeting Didgeridon't and his friend and wandering with them into the otherwise empty Ole' Zach's Pub; Finding out whose nickname is 'Camel Bladder' and whose is "Stiffwitch; A very strange cat fart story and Back to Ole' Zach's Empty Pub.
Mae, Alexis, madPete and I had a great dinner, which should surprise no one because, as you all know, Cafe Sole is my favorite restaurant on earth as I am fond of noting to anyone who will listen. (Say, go back into 
Photo: Mission
madPete Avails Himself of the Lighting at Cafe Sole
that sentence and count the prepositional phrases will you? I think I'm over my limit.)
I insisted they order wine even though I was not drinking. Everyone oohed and aahed over it so much that I finally had to take a sip. (I don't count it as a black mark against myself since it was just a sip.) It was exceptionally smooth and rich. I am not enough of a wine person to loftily announce that it had bouquets or hints of this or that, but it was a fine sip of wine.
Our waitress was an actress trained at UCLA, which she assured us was a difficult program to get into. For now she was in training at Cafe Sole and she did a fine job. She was quite animated. I asked her if she was going to take up acting while in Key West and she said she was going to try and do that and get into a band (in addition to acting, she sings) now that she had landed a real job. Here's to her, hoping she succeeds.
After dinner we drove back to the fort, 
Photo: Mission
The Wildly Lit Holiday House on Southard from FTPI 2011
passing by the amazing house with all the gaudy Christmas lights that I love to check out. I was glad we were driving because I wanted to get back to for the Buccaneer's Ball, but I was also wishing we had walked when we reached that house so I could have gotten some new photos. It's always different and gaudy in a fascinating way. When you add the incongruity of Christmas lights in Key West, it makes it all the more fascinating.
Mae had actually talked with me about doing a Christmas lights tour on Saturday night weeks before the event. I suggested we rent bikes and do that, but it never happened. When I pressed her on this, she explained, "Mantuas and petticoats are not bike chain- friendly. Although, that kind of an accident would make good journal fodder." So I told her next year I would loan her my pink flamingo breeches so we could make this happen. In fact, you're all invited if you want to go with us. If not, just tune in next year, same bat month, same bat website.
Photo: Mission
Mae Snake Walk 2009 - Featuring the Kind of Claustrophobic
Over-Exposed Camera Work That Made Blair Witch So Effective
Arriving back at the fort, we were assured by someone walking in the opposite direction that the Buccaneer's Ball was in full swing. Everyone started to take the Mae Snake trail to get to the fort from the parking lot, which turned out to be a bad idea, given that the Mae Snake trail goes away from the fort and off towards the battlefield. I kept mumbling that we were moving away from the fort on a dark, overhung trail without a flashlight where there were tree roots and Mae snakes, but everyone blithely ignored me and kept onward.
After we had gone about 20 paces into the darkness, I realized that I had forgotten my backpack in the car and I told everyone I needed it, so we all trooped back to get it. It was then decided to take the normal path instead of the Mae snake path so that I would stop mumbling. Mae snakes successfully avoided.
Photo: Mission's Camera
Mission in Chrispy's Hat
Photo: Mission
Keith and Brig Play the Hat Swap Game
Now, about that ball. I am not a dancer. There is a very good reason for this, revolving mostly around my natural inept clumsiness, but the twins insisted that I go. Who am I to refuse my fellow twins? I went. I managed to avoid getting on the dance floor because Cannibal Chrispy appeared out of nowhere - 2 or 3 sheets to the wind - and swapped my hat for his.
This started a round of Stynky's Stupid Hat Swap Game resulting in a whole series of hat swaps during which the band finished their set. When the music stopped, everyone dissipated, trying to locate their chapeaus.
 Photo: Mission's Camera WWII Shipbuilder Brig with Baby Huey |
 Photo: Mission Caribbean Pearl in Mission's Hat, Hawking CDs |
 Photo: MissionZak in Keith's Hat |
 Photo: Mission Scarlett Not Enjoying the Game |
 Photo: Mission's Camera See If You Can Figure Out Which Hat Goes With Whom |
 Photo: MissionZak Losing the Game |
Photo: Mission
Iron Jon, William &
Beowulf in the Mercury Camp on Friday
I toddled over to the Mercury crew tent where the guys were talking seriously of weighty matters. Iron Jon even produced a bowl of peanuts, (Insert corny elephant joke here.) We quickly dispatched them.
Eventually we started telling Patrick Hand stories. Patrick couldn't make it this year due
to lack of funds, which 
Photo: Poppa Ratsey (2009)
Patrick Hand - A Prince of Pirates
makes your ship's surgeon - and a proud Patrick Hand Original™ Planter's Hat wearer - very sad.
My favorite Patrick Hand story was one told by William. Patrick had gotten very drunk (which will surprise no one who knows him at all) and sort of passed out, mumbling to himself. He was outside his tent and William & Co. were concerned. How would they get Patrick into his tent? William explained that Patrick is "deceptively tall, lanky and yet heavy." I'll let him explain. "We all stood over Patrick like he was some kind of engineering problem. Everyone offered suggestions. 'We could roll him into his tent.' I said. Patrick mumbled loudly, 'Don't roll me! I don't have any money on me!'"
Photo: Mission
The Brigands Play While Sandi and Bloody BarbaraDance
The music started again and I somewhat reluctantly decided to go and face the music. (Ha!) I arrived in the candle-lit sally port which housed the dance hall for the weekend.
The Brigands were playing peppy music, and the dance floor was alive with people, most of them women. (If women didn't dance with each other at these balls there would probably be little dancing until the slow music started or enough of the guys got drunk enough to overcome the fear of indiscriminately revealing their natural dancing talent.)
I spotted Mae and Brig, who were dancing with each other. So I skirted around them and took some photos. They were dancing some sort of complex thing that I doubted I could ever grasp. (This is - you guessed it - foreshadowing.)
 Photo: Mission Mae and Brig Dancing at the Ball |
 Photo: Don Dunbar Caribbean Pearl and Zak |
 Photo: Wendy WellmanKeira Leads Keith |
Photo: Mission's Camera
Mission - An Athletic, Yet Clumsy Dancer
On the way, Diosa grabbed me for a dance. (She apparently claims I asked her to 'Please, please dance with me', which is a lie as all you regular readers will instantly realize. Don't believe anything she says about this.)
She showed me a dance which involved locking arms and doing a half or three-quarters turn and then switching to lock the other arm and repeat the process. It sounds simple, right? It was simple. I fouled it up repeatedly. (I have censored myself from using the tired cliche 'two left feet' while writing about this, but I suppose 
Photo: Mission's Camera
Mission Trying to Keep Up with Mae
(Check out the Disco Effect!)
you get the idea.) Still, I managed to finish the dance without breaking any of my or her toes (phalanges and metatarsals for you who think this Journal is not surgically-minded enough) and she went off to tell everyone I had been dancing. Naturally, none of them believed her. Ah, me public. They know me.
The twins spotted me and Mae led me to the dance floor. She introduced me to a dance that she had made up. I had watched her and Brig dance it previously and had gotten completely lost in the details of it (as is my wont when it comes to dancing - I approach it like an engineer, which really doesn't work.)
I am going to try and recall the steps which she eventually managed to coax me into doing properly by
repeating the instructions every time we did them. First... It's just a jump to the left.... And then a step to the rigggggght. No, wait, that's not it. Hmm... first... maybe you held hands out in front of each other, turned in a little to the right, bumped left hips, pushed back,
turned in a little to the left, bumped right hips, pushed back, repeat the first move and then... Hmm. Well, I think
was whirling around, which I liked because it was easy. I believe you do that three times. Then there was
Mae and Alexandra as Fire Belly
another move that you did three times the details of which I can't recall.
Mae is a belly dancer who formed a group called FireBelly and I'm sure she looked every bit as graceful as a sylph of a woman can look while attempting such an intricate step with a water buffalo. Alexis and Brig assured me that we looked great together and it was much better than when they had tried the dance with Mae, but I highly doubt that. I know she didn't have to keep repeating the steps for Brig because I watched them and took photos.
It was quite exhausting and I can see how Mae remains a graceful sylph of a woman, even when paired with an aqua bison.
Photo: Mission
Ah-choo!
That was actually the last dance for the evening. Before we go on, however, I want to comment on one of my pet topics. That is: Orbs. You may have noticed that there are a lot of orbs in the dance pictures. In fact, they make the one of Mae and I look sort of cool IMO. These are actually reflections of the flash off dust particles in the air, although people who believe in ghosts and such always roll their eyes dramatically at me when I explain this. (Even when I say it on-line. I know because I can feel them doing it.) So, even though true believers will reject the following out of hand, I thought, with the help of the Brigands, I'd throw something out there for those of you on the fence.
I took two photos during the day when the Brigands were playing on Friday afternoon. In the first one, I had accidentally turned off the flash and it came out sort of dark. So I took another one with the flash moments later. I have not doctored either of these other than to increase the brightness to emphasize the orbs (or lack thereof.) So...see? It's the flash! Reflecting off dust particles! You know - dust. The stuff that makes you sneeze when it gets all stirred up!
So, except for the hopelessly afflicted mystics, perhaps we can put this whole concept to bed now? (Probably not, but I had to do my part.)
 Photo: Mission The Brigands Performing Without the Aid of a Camera Flash |
 Photo: MissionThe Brigands Performing With Flash |
With the dance over, we all stood around debating what to do next. Either Brig or Mae decided we should show Alexis the yellow fever rest room of the fort, which is purportedly haunted by the victims of that disease from the 19th century. So someone grabbed a lantern off the table and off we went towards the bowels of the fort. (Literally. Heh.)
Now someone this weekend had asked me what the twins were like when they were drunk and I had to admit that I didn't know. This is because whenever they were drunk when I was around them, I was even more so. So I couldn't remember clearly. Still sticking with my intention to remain sober, I am pleased to report that I now know.
Photo: Red Jessi
M.A. d'Dogge and his Nemesis from 2008
On the way to the yellow fever rest room, the twins started telling a tale about M.A. d'Dogge from 2008. Mr. d'Dogge was apparently put in charge of taking photos for the Archangels on that trip. According to Brig, his digital camera contained a whaleboat full of them. M.A. d'Dogge was carrying his loaded camera with him when he tripped over a low bench. They started tittering about their mental image of this, then giggling and eventually they were laughing so hard that Mae had to sit on the ground.
From what I was able to extract from the laughter-filled conversation, Mr. d'Dogge had tripped over a rock or something and started stumbling forward and couldn't stop. So he kept running, bent at the waist with his camera held out in front of him, building momentum with each step. Eventually he ran into a wall which is when Mae collapsed to the ground in gales of laughter while trying to tell the story.
They loudly assured me it was one of the funniest things they had ever seen. The result of the d'Dogge hitting the wall was that he smashed his camera which you either have to view as a tragedy or, in the case of the twins, the most absurd of comedies. The Archangel photographer thus lost tons of photos which he later did his best to try and retrieve from the remains of his camera. It sound awful to me, but when it is told through peals of amusement from twins, you have to join in the laughter. (I'm pretty sure there's a law to that effect.)
Photo: Mission
Will Alexis be alive? (Note: Blair Witch cam)
We made it back to the yellow-fever historied rest-rooms, encountering Spike (not the rabbit one) giving his ghost tour along the way. He was regaling his audience with stories of Harry Smid photographing things in the fort and finding ghosts in the images with due seriousness.
This was only somewhat marred by a group of giggling twins and their friends stage left. Eventually Spike decided he needed to go somewhere far away
Photo: Mission
Lex Not Even Phased by the 'Haunted' Bathroom
from us and headed upstairs to talk about the spirits inhabiting that part of the fort.
Once alone, Mae and Brig insisted that Alexis, being an FTPI virgin, had to go back into the rest room and sit on the third pot from the end. This she did with equanimity. We left her in there for a bit to sit and think. (It is a bathroom, after all.) Then we entered the bathroom, fearing what we might find. Except we just found Lex sitting there, grinning like a drunken sailor. (... Never mind.) Mae was mightily impressed. She might have even reverently said, "You rock" or something like that.
Photo: Kate Bagley
Mae Posing on One of the Fort Cannons - 2008
With that bit of business accomplished, we wandered along the inside of the ramparts of the fort, passing several cannons along the way. Someone (probably me) suggested we recreate the infamous Mae on the giant cannon scene, which she agreed to do, but didn't on account of running into a guy who was not playing a didgeridoo for his friend.
He insisted he could imitate it, though, and went over to one of the gun port windows and proceeded to prove it to us. His impression was OK, but I'd heard a real one when I was in Australia, played by a professional, and our didgeridon't-player lacked the true depth and resonance.
He did try and explain that, "You have to tune
Photo: Mission
The Didgeridon't Guy
into the vibration. The vibration is key." He swore he was not drunk or high, although I can think of no other explanation for such behavior and accompanying commentary.
We all then trooped into Ole Zach's Pub, which was empty and unlit and sat around and started chattering. This is when I noticed the twins were giggling a lot, joined by Alexis' throaty laugh. Shana announced that her cup was broken - meaning it was empty - and that, despite the fact that her dad referred to her as 'Camel-bladder', she had to go pee.
So she and Alexis staggered out of the pub and headed for the source of more alcohol, although I can't possibly see how they would have needed it at this point. This left Mae, madPete, didgeridon't-boy and his friend in the pub. We talked for a while longer, but the conversation flagged without the other tipsy twin, so madPete, Mae and me decided to go find them. We needed tipsy-twin balance.
On the way, something happened that I would not ever put in the Journal if it hadn't been for what happened as a result. We passed a group of people - madPete swears it was three girls - one of whom said in a demure voice, "Meow.' There was a pause and then someone farted. (I never thought that word would appear in these Journals, but now it must.) Then a girl in the group giggled and they raced past us.
Photo: Jim McGavic
Mission at Jack's Place
Mae was stunned into silence and asked us if 'we had heard that?' madPete and I laughed - how could you not have heard it? Mae literally ran back to her camp where Jack Roberts and some others were gathered. Mae started explaining something had happened and they should ask us what it was. We explained it and then Mae started giggling and saying that it was the most amazing thing she had ever heard.
Camel-bladder and Alexis reappeared and Mae insisted we retell the story, which we did, causing all the girls to start laughing, more at Mae's astonishment over what had happened than anything. Then we all stood around and talked extensively about this astounding occurrence for a while. (For those of you taking notes, this is pretty much what the twins are like when they're drunk.)
Photo: Mission
Brig and madPete in the Pub
Not long after that we were joined by Silkie McDonough who started making worried noises about our discussions waking The Captain. (As if we were the only people in camp talking and the group ten feet from us didn't exist.) Finally she sent us off back to the Pub, saying we would all go, except she didn't. Silkie was clearly trying to get rid of us on behalf of The Captain. (This is one of the reasons I get a condo off site, incidentally. I'm not going to even try and kid myself into thinking think I'd get quality rest in the fort. There's just too many people there having too much fun and I'm a light sleeper.)
Back in Ole' Zach's Darkened Pub, we were joined by Adam Cyphers and Deborah Johanne Rice of the Archangel crew. We talked long and serious about things of great weight, most of which made Alexis and the twins giggle, particularly when madPete would suddenly, for no reason related to the conversation, say, "Meow."
Photo: Mission
Lex and Brig Laughing
Alexis was sitting on the table at one point, explaining how the room was starting to spin, so we advised her not to close her eyes, which she did and then announced that she wasn't going to do THAT again. She finally laid down flat on the table and stuck her legs straight out in front of her which caused Mae to comment that she looked like a stiff witch. "Like in the Wizard of Oz?" madPete asked and then added, "Meow," which caused them all to go into gales of laughter again, confusing Adam and Deborah.
After retelling the 'Meow' story, I figured out that the reason I had to keep retelling it was because Mae refused to say the word "fart".
"Why can't you say that?" I asked her.
"Because it sounds stupid when we say swear words in our little voices," Brig explained.
By way of example, she raised her voice about three octaves and hysterically said "F--k!" causing everyone to start laughing again.
madPete said, "Well yeah, when you say it like that."
To which someone added "Meow."
Now, I was stone cold sober throughout all this - like Dian Fossey, I was just observing the behaviors of some of the Archangels in their natural drunken element (and madPete too, who is, technically a
Photo: Mission
Mission the Disinterested Observer with the Twins and Alexis
Mercury crew member.) Usually drunk talk gets louder and dumber until you finally either have to leave or start drinking to enjoy it. But that never happened. Even when they're drunk they are little and cute (and they come in a set.)