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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion/ Pirates in Paradise Celebration
Nov/Dec 2011 - Key West, FL
Chapter 10th: How the Quest for Drinks ended; Talking with Zak and his parents; Spending time in Ole' Zach's Pub inside the fort with Wendy, Youngblood and everyone else; What happened to the Patrick Hand Original Planter's hat; Some absurd photos; Poorly remembered conversations with various people in the fort and sitting with Lily for the last gate guard duty.
While Stynky was outlining his plan to coerce folks to give us drinks, Apple Booty spotted us and came over.
Photo: Mission
Stynky, Apple Booty and the cough syrup
She hugged Stynky and then me and started chatting. She clearly had access to some alcohol somewhere based on
how incredibly friendly she was. She said to me with great mock sorrow, "I forgot to buy my whip
cream!" Ah... Uh... OK. Ahem. Gathering a few wits, I asked, "Whip cream for what?" She grinned
and explained that that she had found alcohol-infused whip cream and they were eating that on Sunday evening last year. (And I will state, for the record, that I am awfully sorry not to have seen that.)
"Stynky has a car," I volunteered. "Hey Stynky, Apple Booty needs you to take us to buy some
whip cream."
"What?!" The look on his face was great.
Sensing she was someone that could help us in our quest, Stynky started explaining our plight. "Oh, Klaus has some!" Apple Booty said brightly and she bounded off. Now THAT'S the Stynky we all know and love.
She returned with Klaus who was holding a bottle of something that looked sort of red. Apple Booty grabbed the bottle and proceeded to
pour drinks for Michael and me. Stynky drank straight from the bottle. Michael noted that it tasted a bit like
cherry cough syrup, to which Apple Booty responded, "I know, right?" Not long afterwards, I learned
Photo: Mission
The Sunday pig roast dinner
that they were serving very good rum punch with the food and we could have had that at any time during our stupid quest.
Having finished that task, we wandered over to the dining tables. Dinner was winding down. We sat with Zak
and his parents, Bill and Jen, where Jen and I talked a little about Zak's book. I believe I said something about how
I liked the moral aspect of the story which got us talking about perception. Jen is a fellow believer in
Photo: Mission
Jen - Zak's mom
the idea that perception colors everyone's world. I explained that while the truth exists, it is impossible
to reach with all the filters we naturally and inevitably construct in our minds. She agreed.
I asked her if she had ever read the book Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach. She had not so I suggested she do so. (Well, not that night.) It is my favorite book and I have read it at least 20 times. Zak perked up when he heard Richard Bach and said, "Jonathan Livingston Seagull!" I agreed that was another good Bach book and then Bill joined the conversation. It turns out he has read Illusions several times. Zak's parent's seemed like the coolest parents in the world. They encouraged him to explore his passion for writing and also let him get out and have experiences like the Fort Taylor Pirate Invasion and the Patrick O'Brien cruise.
Zak's mom had provided some wine and I was starting to get too tipsy for such heady conversation. Emerging from the dining area, I saw a knot of people standing around hunched over something. Well, what was this? Sensing a story, I ambled in that direction. Klaus had been playing Santa and giving out Kinder Surprise eggs to various folks. The group was concentrating on the contents of one Klaus gave to Diosa.
A Kinder Surprise is a chocolate egg that contains a toy. This particular toy required assembly and Redbeard, Wendy Wellman and some others were all standing around trying to decipher the instructions in the lantern light. (Kids, don't try this at home. It will strain your eyes.) Amazingly, despite the rivers of alcohol that had flowed through the camp, the group managed to get it completed as you see below right.
Photo: Mission The committee examines the Kinder Egg toy instruction. |
Photo: Mission Wendy shows us all the finished drag racer |
Something else I managed to see while out and about was Deadeye's laser. Calamity Grace gave Deadeye this laser on Saturday and he had gotten it out to show Michael and Stynky the stars on Saturday night. They would not stop talking about this thing on Sunday morning at the Rum Barrel. When I was out on the battlefield this afternoon, Deadeye kept going on and on about it as well. So when Stynky showed up in the Kinder Egg gathering and told me Deadeye had his laser out, I let him drag me over to see it. It was a really neat laser that looked like it shot hundreds of feet in the air. I oohed and aahed with the best of them and tried to get a photo of it. (You can see that didn't work out so well in the photo below right, but I tried.)
Photo: Mission Calamity Grace - super-laser girl |
 Photo: Mission Deadeye shoots his new super-laser into the sky |
 Photo: Mission A rather grainy shot of the super-laser |
Photo: Mission
Chrispy, Bawdy Be and Barnacle Beau
Music started pouring from Ole Zach's tavern in the fort, so I decided to stagger over and check it out.
I went into the pub where Bawdy Be, Spike
and Cannibal Chrispy were singing. In fact, there may have been more people singing than that, but those are
the ones I recall. There were only a handful of people in the pub, so I grabbed the end of a
bench near the band and listened. It reminded me of
the first time
I was at PiP in 2007 when I was struck by how much it must have been like the pubs of yore. It eventually occurred
to me that more people needed to be here for this, so I wandered off to find some.
Photo: Mission
Wendy lights the candelabra
I went out particularly to find Zak, Stynky and Michael, but I was... a bit wobbly. Wendy Wellman was standing
pretty close to the entrance to the pub, so I told her she had to come join me. I had planned to put her at my
table and go search for more people, but I never got that far. Wendy started trying to light the candles in the
wagon wheel candelabra which threw me off my intended mission. (A mosquito could probably have done the same at
that point.) Wendy is much shorter than I am, which you
Photo: Mission
Wendy and Mission in the Pub
might think I would be gallant and offer to
help. You might think wrong. I was in my own little world, enjoying the surf crashing on the beach.
Wendy and I sat together on the bench and I tried to sing along with the songs. (Which was probably not a good idea since I didn't know the words to any single chanty and was pretty drunk.) Nature called and by the time I returned the pub was getting full. I believe at this point the bench was full with Wendy, Youngblood and some others on it. So I sat on the floor under the candelabra.
I placed my hat on the floor so I could hear the music (because it doubles as a giant sound dampener for anything occuring above the brim.) As a result, wax from the stupid wagon wheel candelabra dripped all over it. Yes, the Patrick Hand Original hat now has wax splashed all over one side. I got up and forced my way back onto the bench.
Photo: Mission Stupid wagon wheel candelabra |
Photo: Mission The Patrick Hand Original Hat has been waxed! |
Photo: Mission Photo for insurance purposes |
Photo: Mission
Ye olde Patrick Hand Planter's hat in ye freezer
Someone later suggested that I put the hat in the freezer to freeze the wax, making it easier to remove. Since my
condo freezer was empty, I tried this. Alas, the felt really seems to like the wax - it wouldn't come off even
when I tried scraping it with a butter knife. I suspect the Patrick Hand Original Planter's hat now has a new
feature - partial waterproofing.
Stynky suggested that I leave it that way as it added character. Of course, Stynky is the same person who puts on makeup to look filthy and tells people that the reason his character is named 'Stynky Tudor' is because he is lactose intolerant.
Photo: Mission
Youngblood in the Patrick Hand Original
From here it gets really fuzzy and my account is going to be just plain useless to you. (Yet I still keep writing!) I know I
talked at length with Youngblood when Wendy left and learned some really interesting things about him,
including which events he's gone to. There is no way I could recite that here, although I do recall him
telling me that his first event was PiP 2008, where I remember him ganging up on Portside Tom with the help of
the Thatcher kids. I think he also gave me a stock tip that sounded really promising, but I forgot its
name. Otherwise I'd put it in here and we'd all make a fortune.
By now the pub had filled to the point where it was packed. Everyone else seemed to know the words and sang along. About the only person I vividly recall being there was Zak, our young writer. I was pleased to see him because it was such a seminal experience for me so many years ago. It may not have been his first time in such environs, because Zak seemed to know more of the words to the chanties than I did!
You will recall that Wendy put my camera into some funky mode for the sunset pictures yesterday afternoon. She never set it back and I somehow managed to put into some even more funky mode while trying to fix it during the evening. As a result, every time I wanted to get a photo without a flash, the photos ended up like those you see below. Apparently this was a happy accident as several people on the Pirate Surgeon Journal Facebook page commented favorably on them. So here are two of them - one of the band playing and one of the annual 13 Ghosts of Fort Zachary Taylor ceremony.
 Photo: Mission The band in Ole Zach's in black and white |
 Photo: Mission The 13 Ghosts of Fort Zach ceremony in black and white |
Photo: Mission
At some point I toddled out of Ole Zach's and got into a conversation with Blackheart Charlie of Key West. He was
returning from shower and was quite a bit more sober than me. (If you look at that photo
at left, he may have even been drinking coffee. What kind of pirate is he?)
While listening to him talk, I thought I'd check to see just how drunk I was by closing my eyes. It's a test I perform on myself when I'm not sure where I'm at on the inebriation scale. You know how the world starts swirling if you close your eyes and you're really drunk? It was far worse than that; I lost my equilibrium and staggered backwards about 4 steps. I recall Charlie being quite surprised. (He probably thought I was so taken aback by whatever it was he was talking about that I had to back away.) Shaking off my stupor I decided not to do that again, and stepped forward to resume our conversation. It was clearly time to quit alcohol and start drinking water.
There were a lot of what I call "Plus Mission" photos on my camera (as in, "Hey! There's so-and-so...plus Mission!") Some of these were kind of funny, which suggests that Stynky took them. So I thought I'd stick them in here.
 Photo: Mission Spike plus Mission - toasting |
 Photo: Mission Agave plus Mission |
 Photo: Mission Diosa (suspiciously sober) plus Mission |
Speaking of Diosa... or looking at Diosa in that last picture...whatever works for you ...I forgot to mention her blog. Diosa has a 5 part blog that gives you her take on the event. You used to be able to see it at her site Presenting the Past.
Incidentally, the Surgeon's Journal has been accused of being a blog by some folks. It is not a blog, it is a Journal. Surgeon's journals have an historic basis; sea surgeons were required to keep journals of their journeys during the Golden Age of Piracy for the Royal College of Surgeons of England. (I'd have been kicked to the curb for sure. Provided they had curbs during the GAoP.) So we should now be clear on that point.
There were also a whole slew of pictures with Rebecca. I do not really recall these pictures of Rebecca plus Mission, but Stynky had a grand old time explaining them to me later. You can see the best one below left. Her husband, Gloucester Duke, seems to be taking splendid pleasure in choking your surgeon there below center. He'll regret that if he comes down with a sniffle.
Photo: Mission
Rebecca plus Mission, leading to... |
Photo: Mission ...Rebecca's husband throttling Mission |
Photo: 1st Mate Matt
(This may explain her behavior.) |
Photo: Mission
Seeking water, I ambled over to cooler and filled the fish mug to the brim. Much water would be required to
combat this evening's festivities. Being near Edward and Lily's tent, I saw Stynky and Michael chatting with
Edward.
I sat down with them and proceeded to listen to the three of them and anyone else who might have been there, possibly including the 13 fort ghosts. I probably interjected things as well.
I seem to recall being told to use my inside voice at least once. Everyone (except perhaps Edward) seemed to be flying pretty high based on the photographic evidence you'll find at left. I guess I was in good company.
Lily was working the gate, so the group decided to take a bottle of mead over to her. You can see Stynky and
Edward cooperating to pull the cork out of a bottle...
Photo: Mission
which may or may not have made its way to Lily.
(You never know what will happen to mead when Stynky is around.)
I was told that Lily always works the last shift of gate watch (1 - 3 am on Sunday),
Photo: Sandi Bilbo
Lily - Our Heroine
which I think is very nice of her considering how much other work
she has to do to get this thing together. This year she was particularly busy because Mama Ratsey was in Indiana
caring for Poppa who was unable to be in Key West while he recovered from surgery.
All that extra work fell to Lily and Scarlett Jai in the 11th hour.
I hung around there for a while and then decided I should get my bike and go back to the condo. I had had several mugs of water by this time and was reasonably sure I could get there. Stynky tried to stop me, thinking I was still too drunk to make it, but I assured him I was just going to walk the bike back. (I lied. Once I got out of their sight, I climbed on the bike.) It was a very enjoyable final evening.