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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion/ Pirates in Paradise Celebration
Nov/Dec 2011 - Key West, FL

Photo: Mission Chapter Lob: A whole chapter about the adventures of the Surgeon Journal's favorite stuffed monkey: Lob. Yep. All Lob, all the chapter. Nothing but the Lob. Lob and nobody else (except those that were in the photographs that feature Lob.) She Lobs you, yeah, yeah, yeah. With a Lob like that... you know you should be glad.

You wouldn't think I could do a whole chapter on Lob, would you? Even if you did, you'd probably advise against. I know I sure would! Yet here we are...

I believe Michael Bagley, keeper of Lob, actually came to the FTPI event this year specifically so that there would be no Lob malfunctions of the sort that occurred last year.

So let's begin with Lob having coffee at Cafe Solé as you see at left. You wouldn't think they'd let a monkey of Lob's repute in there, but you can't deny the evidence.

One of Lob's well-documented weaknesses is alcohol (By way of proof see the following Surgeon's Journals: Columbus Spring 2010, Paynetown 2010, Put-in-Bay 2011, Pirates in Paradise 2008 and Pirates in Paradise 2010) The Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion was no different as we see in the following series of pictures from Friday evening after the auction.

Photo: Mission Lob starts by attempting to steal Michael's wine

Photo: Mission Then he tries to sneak a sip of Stynky's drink

Photo: Mission Obvious ploys not working, Lob pretends to be interested in the food on the table.

Photo: Mission When no one is looking, he gets into the drinks.

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Of course the real Lob action occurs when you start giving him to people. Lob had been hanging around the edges of the Fort Taylor gig for most of the weekend, but he came into his own when it was announced that the group photograph would be taken in five minutes. Having been through group photos at the Key West events before, Michael Bagley knew he had plenty of time to wander around the fort and get photos of people abusing Lob the monkey for Lob's Facebook page(and the this Journal.)

We begin with photos of people being nice to Lob - usually women and young adults. They clearly do not fully understand Lob's purpose on this earth at all.

Photo: Michael Bagley Youngblood feeding Lob

Photo: Michael Bagley Woman hugging Lob

Photo: Michael Bagley Lily giving lob a shoulder up

Photo: Michael Bagley Zak with Lob

Naturally, when you request that people "Do something embarrassing with this monkey," women tend to think of Lob going for their breasts, so there are a nice variety of those photos available.

Photo: Michael Bagley Groping Pearl

Photo: Michael Bagley THAT'S a hug!

Photo: Michael Double pawing

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob attached to Diosa

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob and... Devlin?!

Doing Lob violence is always a good play for the guys. When someone tells you to do something awful to a little stuffed monkey and you wear five thousand pounds of weapons on your person, it's an easy next step.

Photo: Michael Skeleton Pirate Shoots Lob

Photo: Michael Bagley Chad preparing to fire Lob from his giant gun. ( I want to seem him ram THAT load!)

Photo: Michael Bagley 1st Mate Matt slicing Lob with one of his fine swords.

Photo: Michael Bagley Dave Lintner joyfully hoists Lob on the tip of his sword.

There is also a desire to put Lob on your hat. As Stynky once said to me when we were discussing the origins of the Hat Swap Game, "Everybody wears a hat and it's often considered a part of your identity." (He then went on to explain that this was the reason he stole/swapped hats. He thinks it's funny when people get all upset when you take their hats. And it IS!) Anyhow, this may explain why people want to put Lob on their head like the folks below.

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob on Antonio "Joe"Gumbatz's hat

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob on Crudbeard's head (Where's his hat?)

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob on Chrispy's iconic voodoo hat

Lob is no stranger to animals, as you may recall from the thrill-packed Lob riding a goat episode from Brigand's Grove this year. He is technically an animal himself, although one stuffed with cheap leftover cloth. Still, the next couple of photos are a bit unique in Lob's experience, which is a credit to all involved. (Either that or they should just be ashamed of themselves for involving real animals in the Lob saga.)

Photo: Michael Bagley I hope Redbeard's had his shots...

Photo: Michael Bagley Then again, it may not matter much at this point.

Photo: Michael Bagley Oreo enjoying Lob's stuffing

There were also a lot of Lob dirty lovin' and other obscene poses this year. (We certainly wouldn't want to deprive you of seeing those.)

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob on Apple Booty

Photo: Michael Bagley Beowulf adds an appendage

Photo: Michael Bagley Foxy Gengen gives Lob... uh...

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob on the clock (CLOCK!)

Then there are the things that are just odd. I don't know what it is about Key West, but it seems to bring out some of the strangest behaviors in folks. They say what happens in Key West stays in Key West (as they say about any city like it), but when you have the ship's surgeon around, it's not always true.

Photo: Michael Bagley Spike spanking the monkey

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob in Capt. Hood's shark teeth

Photo: Michael Bagley Lob being taught to smoke

Photo: Michael Bagley Hooking Lob (look close)

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Photo: Mission So that was Lob's adventures in the 20 minutes that occurred during the five minutes that we were supposed to be getting into position for the group photograph. (Read back through it again before you decide that that last sentence made no sense. If that doesn't help, I suggest drinking heavily first.)

Speaking of drinking, after all that excitement, Lob naturally wanted a drink. He tried to sneak it from Commodore Cutter's bottle, leading to the Commodore giving Lob a stern lecture on the evils of drinking... the Commodore's Apple Pie. (That was reserved for the Commodore and his 50 closest friends, not for some rag-stuffed monkey. )

Still, we don't want to leave Lob in such unhappy circumstances, however. So I've picked out a few photos for the end that make it all seem all right for the Surgeon Journal's mascot.

Photo: Michael Bagley First Sandi Bilbo gave Lob a nice kiss on the head...

Photo: Michael Bagley ...then we introduced him to a new friend...

Photo: Michael Bagley ...and then we let him hang out with Jack and the three twins. (That's the most anyone can hope for, you know.)

So that brings us to the end of an entire chapter about Lob. Wasn't that something? Yep, it sure was, but the real question is... what? It certainly broke up the continuity of the story, didn't it?

I guess I should provide an intro to the next chapter so you don't forget where you were. When we last left our heros, they were searching in vain for alcohol. Stynky had hatched a plan to try and get some which the group was apparently not going to follow. There, you're up to date.

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