Chapter Selection Menu:   P   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   E       Next>>

Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion/ Pirates in Paradise Celebration
Nov/Dec 2011 - Key West, FL

Chapter 2nd: Of Thursday, meeting and lunching with Stynky; Almost not finding Deadeye's place so
Photo: Mission
Stynky arrives, blessed by the
naked masthead chick. that the surgeon could not take the photos he had failed to get the previous night; Seeing one of Stynky's pals at the Pirates in Paradise site; Registering for the Fort Taylor Pirate Invasion; A momentous dinner at the Rum Barrel (although that is foreshadowing and won't be apparent until a later chapter); the Ms. Key West Pirate Contest at PiP and finishing the night at Fort Taylor.

Thursday morning was mostly about doing little except trying to upload photos so's I could post them to the Surgeon's Journal Facebook page (found here, sorted by date.) Well that was what is was about until the phone rang. It was Stynky. He wanted to know if he could borrow a cup of sugar and my fish mug. No, actually he wanted to go to lunch. We chatted for about five or ten minutes about the Pyracy Pub and various aspects of PiP and people involved until I decided that this was stupid. He was staying in a condo just across the way from me; I could see his porch from my porch. So I invited him over for really weak coffee (I don't make coffee for myself very often and I am cheap, so when I do make it it's usually too weak. Curiously, as cheap as I am, I actually wound up leaving most of it in the condo. Ah, well.)

I suggested we go to lunch at... where else... Blue Heaven. (It's just so damned close that it's hard not to go there.) While there, he took several dozen pictures of me explaining that I should not pose. (Judge the results for yourself, below left.) Feeling like a complete and worthless tourist, I just gave in. (What else can you do when you're hanging around with Stynky?)

In the course of conversation, I learned that Stynky used to raise chickens. (This came up because roosters and chickens roam Blue Heaven at will. You can see one the Stynky insisted on photographing below center. Since it is a rooster, it would be something if it laid an egg. "OK, so I laid an egg!" ) I noted that I had a friend who used to raise chickens. That experiment lasted about a year once he learned that chickens tend to be loud, stupid and messy. Stynky told me that this was because he got the wrong kind of chickens. He had a chicken that he claimed laid multi-colored Easter-style eggs with blues and greens in them, was good with kids and able to do his income taxes. All I wondered is what you have to feed a chicken to make it lay green eggs. (And ham.) I do know this: chickens will eat anything, including chicken.

Photo: Stynky Tudor Stynky's idea of a good pic

Photo: Stynky Tudor A Blue Heaven rooster

Photo: Mission My idea of a good pic

I wanted to go to the store, which Stynky drove me to (as I have no car), but that is not interesting. So forget I mentioned it. (Interesting or not, Stynky took a photo of this.)
Photo: Mission
Mission at the store,
looking clueless.
Photo: Mission
Part of what you wind up with when you use
Mission's Key West Dead Reckoning System™... Upon leaving, since we were out that way, suggested we try to find Deadeye's place so I could get a picture of the couch for you, my loyal readers. (When I told Deadeye I wanted to photograph the couch he seemed to be a bit concerned that you all would get the wrong impression. "It's only been there a few weeks," he explained. I assured him that I hadn't made him look crazy or anything and that made him even more concerned. "No, it's better if you give them the idea that I am crazy." So, for the record, Deadeye is crazy.)

Anyhow, I explained to Stynky that I didn't know what street Deadeye lived on exactly, but I did know roughly where it was. Yes, we were once again going to rely on my patented method of finding places on the island via what can only be euphemistically described as a "circuitous" route: Mission's Key West Dead Reckoning System™. So we wandered around for a bit with me giving rather abrupt directions to "turn here." (Note that I did know that the street started with a 'D.')

In fact we found the street without too much misdirected driving. However we also encountered the crack Key West random street-closing brigade. (Shades of my adventures with Brig.) Rather than plow ahead into the construction area, Stynky decided to find a place to park and we hoofed it. The couch was not yellow as I thought it was, it was a sort of beige. (What can I say? It was dark when I saw it last.) At least it was striped! Since no one was there, I couldn't get in the house to photograph the Mae snake, which was my true mission.

Photo: Mission ...and the other part of what you get.

Photo: Stynky Tudor Sitting on the stripey couch

Photo: Mission Just like your yard, right? (Almost like mine...)

---

Stynky wanted to see the Pirates in Paradise setup, so we headed there. I warned him about the carnival ("Carnies! Cirus-folk! Small hands! Smell like cabbage!"), but he didn't seem to mind. Nothing was really going on when we got there, but Stynky ran into a friend of his from California who had come all the way here to sell the pirate-oriented castings he made. He had some really cool castings, which, now that I have said that, I wish I had taken a photo of them.

Photo: Mission Stynky and his casting friend.

Photo: Mission Some of the custom cast items on his table

Photo: Mission

Photo: Mission
From there it was off to the fort to get signed up and to find out if there was any strenuous work that needed to be done so that we could avoid that. Lily was running the registration booth (seen at left). She grabbed fists full of leaflets from the event sponsors and thrust them into envelopes to give to the new arrivals as they appeared at the gate.

Among those who showed up while Stynky and I were standing there (doing our best to be useless in our own special way) was Cannibal Chrispy.

Chrispy has been all over the pirate re-enacting map this past year and it will take more than this entry to explain all that. But I did want to mention him so that I could put the (very appropriately skewed) photograph seen at right in the Journal.

Photo: Mission
Being all registered, we ambled into the fort where people were setting up. Greg Hudson had his shop completely set up, so I went there to see if I could score a red kerchief. I have been looking for one for about a year. He had a few kerchiefs, one of which was actually dark red. So I can now cross that bit of business off my bucket list.

We stayed for a bit, chatting with those who weren't busy and finally decided to head back to the condos. But not before we went down to the beach so Stynky could test the waters. (To see if they were fit for swimming. He assured me he had brought his trunks. Not that I asked.) While there he decided to take a panoramic photo, something he said his camera was not really all that good at doing. (Hey, don't ask me.) He put me in the panoramic photo, which I had thought might be interesting to include in the Journal. Except he later told it didn't come out well. "We have to go back and take another one later." So I guess I will be able to cross "panoramic Key West beach photograph" off my bucket list as well. Well, I would if it was actually on my bucket list.

---

Photo: Pirate Santa Book
The evening started out with my planning to get together with Beowulf for dinner, but he ended up being unable to make it. So I dressed in my jeans and garb (on the top half because there was a bit of a chill in the air and the garb is nice and warm.) I thought it looked cool. Then I went over to see Stynky in an adjoining condo waiting to hear from Braze. He said it didn't look cool. (Who cares what he thinks?) While we were waiting, Stynky showed me a children's book called Pirate Santa: A Pirates Adventure which had a cameo of him (Stynky) in it. Stynky in a children's book...that just seems wrong on so many levels.

Braze never called. Having both been dumped by our dates, we decided to go to dinner together. First, Stynky insisted I dress fully in garb because he has high standards for dining companions. (He said something about the tourist photos and thinking of the children. This is yet another reason why I don't want children - they'll apparently be the cause of my having to change out of my comfortable jeans and into those stupid short pants.)

Photo: Mission
Having changed, we walked down to the Rum Barrel in downtown Key West for dinner. We had the corn and crab chowder which I prattle on about endlessly in the Journal pages. Stynky approved of, and even endorsed, the Rum Barrel Corn and Crab Chowder as a meal worth walking a dozen blocks to get.

From there we went over to the Pirates in Paradise event where the Ms. Key West Pirate Contest was scheduled to begin at 6pm. (We arrived at 7:20 and it still had not started. Ah. Island Time.) Stynky saw several people he knew and he went off to shmooze. One of them was Spike El Pirata, who is the partner of the guy from California whom I was talking about earlier who did the wonderful castings. (I really have to get that guy's name eventually.) I again admired his casting work.

Among the people I met (or ran into again after having
Photo: Mission
Valhalla's Pirate Crew Reps: Girl I don't know, Handsome
Devlin, Mayhem Matthew and Captain Black
not seen them since the year before) there was Captain Triceps (who appeared in the 2010 PiP Journal.) He had four of his crew here, all down from New Jersey. Amazingly, Captain Triceps is not actually named 'Captain Triceps,' which I think is a real shame. (Although I hope he doesn't mind the nickname because, as Stynky put it, "his biceps and his triceps are each as big as my thigh.")

His actual pirate name is Captain Charles Black and he heads up a crew of 25 or so pirates in Jersey called Valhalla's Pirates He explained to me in a Jersey accent that they are really more into pirate entertaining than strict re-enactment.

He also told me that he really wanted an opportunity to chat about how an amputation was done. (Something which I take great delight in explaining, especially to the squeamish.) This wasn't for his own use, rather, he explained that his crew is looking to expand their repertoire by adding a leg amputation to the mix. They want it to be humorous, but they also want to be sure to get the basic operation correct. I suggested he come over to the surgeon's table tomorrow at the fort where I will be happy to explain any and all surgical procedures that I can recall.

Photo: Mission
Another of the Valhalla's Pirates crew members is Handsome Devlin (Which is kind of a funny name when you think about it. But then I guess that's the point.) He is going to be the Vallhalla's Pirate's Surgeon. (You'll find him pointing a gun at your author in the photo at right. If he's hoping to force me to tell him surgery secrets, that will probably work. Then again, so will asking me without using the gun. I'm easy that way.)

We talked for quite a bit about doing re-enactments in Jersey. I told him I would probably forget his given name and he said that it was OK, so long as I remembered the 'Handsome' part.

He had been down for the event in 2009 but was not able to make it for the 2010 event and told me how much he appreciated the 2010 Surgeon's Journal because it made him feel like he was a part of the event even though he wasn't able to be there. I paid him the $20 we agreed upon for being allowed to print that and we each went away with a warm feeling about the whole encounter.

Photo: Mission When we were entering the PiP area, I informed Stynky that I specifically wanted to meet Angelina Morgan. She friended me on Facebook for reasons that I can't even begin to guess at. He actually remembered this, so when he ran into her, he introduced us. (You see her at left. I was hoping to find a picture without me in it, since you've seen enough of those, but this is all I got.)

Angelina is an artist and I have admired the artwork she posts on Facebook since she decided to friend me. She even reciprocated by liking some pieces of art I had unleashed upon the world via Facebook earlier this year.

We talked about art and technique, inspiration and mediums used. It was a very pleasant conversation and I am glad to have finally met her.

The Ms. Key West Contest finally started. I took several pictures of this, many of which were as bad as the ones I took of the contest yesterday. They had the girls come up to the stage, go over and bribe the judges (by being saucy, sitting on their laps and whatnot. Lots of whatnot.) Then they came up to the microphone to answer some questions, none of which were interesting enough to recall here. They also had some of them weigh their breasts, which is a rather silly exercise given that all someone would have to do to cheat is arch their back and lean forward.

Photo: Mission Bribing the all too willing judges

Photo: Mission Barnacle Broom HIlda weighing in

Photo: Mission The Ms. Key West Pirate Contestants

Photo: Mission
Photo: Mission I was sort of rooting for a tall, dark-haired girl with a colorful tattoo sleeve whom I was told was named Nikki Pyrate. She seemed to be a bit tipsy, which I suppose you have to be to get up and do this sort of contest.

Then Spike El Pirata got up on stage and Stynky, Handsome and I decided to root for him instead. So we started chanting his name. The judges did not see fit to award Spike with the prize, however. (That's him in the photo at left. Perhaps you can see his appeal. If so, please contact me and explain it to me.)

Nikki came in second. At one point she put on the announcers hat, which had a lot of feathers on it and looked kind of interesting. So I asked her to pose with it, which she did as you can see at right.

Photo: Mission
Braze and Apple Booty. "Why is Braze in the
photo?" you ask. Why not? After the contest was over, I told Sarah aka. Apple Booty, who works on Pirates Magazine that I was rooting for her. She said "I wasn't in the contest, I was one of the judges." I replied "I know, but I was rooting for you anyhow." Sensing this would make for a good running gag, I went back up to her twice more to tell her this. You know what? It turned out not to make for a very good running gag after all that, based on her reaction. Oh, well. You throw scalpels at the dart board and see which ones stick. (The trouble with me is that I keep on throwing them, even when they don't stick.)

Photo: Mission
Braze gave Agave the coat off his back. With the contest over, we decided to go over to the fort, after Stynky made a stop at the port-o-johns. (You really needed to know that bit, didn't you?) Braze drove Stynky, Agave and I over. Agave (at left, wearing Braze's coat) turned out to be the woman in charge of the Atlanta Pirates and Wenches Guild in the Atlanta area. Stynky told me they had over 400 pirates in their guild. She explained that they had an event each month for guild members and I was duly impressed. I explained that my sister lived in Atlanta. Learning of this, Stynky (who has a house in the Atlanta area) asked why I never stopped by when I went to visit my sister. I think I said something about spending quality time with my family, but that was basically a lie.

There was some concern about getting in the gate. Braze and I were the only ones who actually had
Photo: Mission our entry passes. Stynky and Agave planned to hide in the back seat of the vehicle under a blanket like kids sneaking into the drive in theater. Fortunately we were greeted by Lily when we arrived at the gate. She knew us all well enough that she didn't even ask us for the passes. (Personally, I would have asked Stynky anyhow, but that's just me.)

The first person we ran into once Inside the fort was Cannibal Chrispy. He offered to procure drinks for us. After 20 minutes of no drinks forthcoming, I tracked him down and took him to task. He said he would take care of it and disappeared again.

After another ten minutes or so, he reappeared with Cutter, who had a bottle of something which we all flew to like moths near a flame. it was a drink called Apple Pie which tasted pretty much like its namesake. This reminded me that I had been rooting for Apple Booty in the contest, despite the fact that she was judging and... Say, that joke still isn't funny, is it? Ah, well.

Photo: Mission
My photo of the bag - not good enough for prime time. I spent a good deal of time talking with Vendors Extraordinaire Greg and Sherry of Hudson Bay Trading company or whatever name they're operating under. Greg noted that his year's sales had started off pretty strong, but had really trailed off towards the end of this year. Being part-owner of a small business myself, I empathized with him. He was concerned that this event be a money-maker for him as business had been touch-and-go for the past few years.

He had told me earlier that there was interest from a national magazine in one of his period bags (the one you see over there on the left.) The magazine people wanted a high-res photo of the bag for their publication this week so they could print it in a future publication. I took a photo with my little Cannon SureShot, although the resolution wasn't high enough. (The guy was pretty fussy, but then he runs a magazine.)

Photo: Sandi Bilbo Vendors Extraordinaire Greg and Shelly

Photo: Mission Greg's shop - Hudson Bay Trading or RevWar Supplier or Weeping Heart or...

Photo: Maria De Los Angeles I then wandered over to the gate to sit with Lily since I figured she was stuck there all alone checking people in. She turned out to be anything but all alone, so I plopped down and started chatting with a guy whose name I didn't even ask. (I later learned it was Blackheart Charlie of the Key West-based Captains of the Devil's Triangle crew.) He explained that his crew's surgeon was looking for tips and ideas. He said he planned to send Sawbones Sara over to my table for more info. He also told me he had a crew member (Captain Wasabe) who does some iron forging. We discussed the possibility of getting some surgical instruments made. (Where were all you folks two years ago when I needed a dental pelican in the worst way!) (Incidentally, the worst way is the only way someone can need a dental pelican.) All in all, a very interesting night and I don't think I've told you the half of it.

Oh, and I was rooting for Apple Booty even though she wasn't in the contest. No? Still not funny? Maybe if I keep repeating it, it will be...

Chapter Selection Menu:   P   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   E       Next>>