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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion/ Pirates in Paradise Celebration
Nov/Dec 2011 - Key West, FL
Chapter 4th: Examining the ramifications of the arrival of Michael Bagley; A Steven Tyler pick; The annual Mission's ever-changing group of friends dinner at Cafe Sole; The Dead Man's Chest Auction to raise money for the Friends of Fort Taylor; Mission's impromptu hat swap game; Mike the Skeleton Pirate of Ft. Myers; the Mercury gate watch duty and the wreck of the author's bike.
Photo: Mission
Michael Bagley showed up late in the afternoon whereupon Beowulf and I unanimously elected him to be our
crew representative. He tried hard to avoid this as the crew rep has to attend 8am meetings, but we were
adamant.
Cannibal Chrispy appeared to greet Michael and gave him something small and white. Chrispy explained to MIchael that he did not bring the bottle of rum since Jessica wasn't here, but this (the white thing) should more than make up for it. When I asked him later what this was all about, he said,
"I owed them, They made my blue weskit and i have been paying them off with a bottle of rum every year,
This would have been my final payment, Jess apparently didn't know I had worked in rock and roll for 20 years,
Photo: Mission
and asked me if I had ever met Steven Tyler, (she is positively obsessed with him and has been since high school)
I have on several occasions, and actually worked for Joe Perry's son in his first band, I wrote her a detailed
letter (which I cant find now, perhaps she still has it) detailing some of my meetings with him. she was delighted.
I have a collection of some 3-4000 guitar picks with bands names and logos on them (Bands throw them out during
concerts and some lucky fans get momentos) I went thru my collection and found a rare Steven Tyler pick..."
Photo: Mission
Since we're talking of Cannibal Chrispy, it's time for our Annual Chrispy Pirate Update. I asked him about his
activities and he practically wrote me a book. Among the other things
he mentioned, he's a member of something called a "pirate rap band" named
Captain Dan and the Scurvy
Crew, "...where I sing/rap all the parts of a royal British navy officer." He's been included in another
pirate band's line-up "for select performances:
The Brigands! He met them at a St. Augustine pirate
gathering and joined them onstage. If that isn't enough, he's been working with the Viceroy, helping to pour
cannons for the past few months. A busy pirate, our Cannibal Chrispy!
Photo: Mission
I had planned to take Jack, Brig, Michael and Mae to my favorite restaurant on earth -
Cafe Sole. Now that Michael was here we started
plotting that. Everyone was hungry so promptly at 5pm, we buttoned up our gear and left in Jack's van, which
he told me he called "the Piratemobile." Personally, I think that is kinda' lame, so I called it "the
Jackamobile." Whatever it is, it is very comfortable to ride in, especially after you've been standing all day on the thinly covered coral of the fort grounds. We parked it at my condo and the four of them all promptly went in to
plug in their electronic devices. (Pirates, roughing it. Yeah.) I suggested we walk from there as it was only 8 blocks.
About four blocks in, Jack started complaining about how far the walk was (
My FEEEET!) and so I ragged him mercilessly about this. In Jack's defense, period shoes are only so
comfortable and my feet were also starting to feel the walk after another block. Once we arrived, the twins immediately both went
Photo: Mission
Mae and Brig: "Bathroom?"
into the small bathroom leaving us to arrange to seating. Although I am the third twin, I was not invited to this twins meeting for
some reason. They went in there several times during the evening together leaving me to wonder, as so many men
have wondered thoughout the ages, what it is women do together in the bathroom? Actually, at one point during the evening, Brig went to
the rest room without Mae, causing Mae to note, "She went by herself," with some concern.
Anyhow, we finally all got seated, to the amusement of our waiter. We put Michael in charge of ordering the
wine, which he does with great authority. He ordered something Italian and red called an "Amarone"
wine, explaining to us that for this particular wine they left the grapes on the vine until they started to dry
up a little and then picked them for wine production. (I am going to guess he
reads wine bottle labels like Red Jessi.
Photo: Mission
Or maybe he studies wines when he's traveling for business. Perhaps he's just an Oenophile. If that's the case,
I think I saw a treatment for that in one of my period surgical manuals. So I should be able to help him out. But I digress...)
The Amarone was a very heavy, interesting red wine and we all agreed to have a second bottle.
Appetizers and dinners were ordered and warm bread with a mysterious tan butter-like thing appeared. It had lots of herbs in it and was a very good complement to the bread. We debated its makeup until the twins announced that it must be a sort of hummus. (Fascinating, isn't this?) Dinner arrived and everyone settled into that. It was roundly agreed that the food was outstanding, the setting lovely and the everything was just wonderful. So, for those of you who read these and think that your old Ship's Surgeon may talk a good story about food but probably can't be trusted in such matters (Stynky), I have five more votes in favor of Cafe Sole.
Photo: Mission
While we were eating, the owner started sprinkling some kind of dust on the floor which was made up of
sandalwood, cinnamon and a mystery ingredient to be named at a later date. Someone asked him why he was doing that and he explained that it kept the
no see-ums away. (It smelled splendid.) We chatted with the owner a bit. When introduced to the
twins, he explained that he was an "Irish Twin" with his sister who was 15 months younger than he.
(No, I don't know what an Irish twin is either.) They talked about the difficulties of moving away from your
twin and so forth. I was waiting for them to explain the reason that they go to the bathroom together, but it
never came up.
We walked the 8 blocks back to my condo, and no one complained at all this time. (The walk was most welcome after such a delicious and filling meal.) On the way we passed my favorite Key West Christmas house. It has blue light jumping dolphins and a scatter of lights that look like crystal spread all over the porch this year. (It must make it hard to get in the front door with ruining the light string though. Kind of like those spy movies where the hero has to twist their body around to avoid the lasers.) I would also like to note for future reference that when we passed the Green Parrot Bar, Brig announced that it was her fondest wish to stop inside for a drink. Because dinner had taken so long at Cafe Sole, we voted that down to get to the fort for the auction. Keep it in mind in case it should come up again, however.
 Photo: Mission Jack, Mae & Brig by the Key West house of Christmas lights |
 Photo: Mission Neat, but how do you get in this place? |
Back in the fort, the twins headed for the bathroom together.
Photo: Mission
Laphroig: "It's THAT peaty!"
The auction had started, so we left them and wandered in to the fort.
Jack told me he had brought a bottle of Laphroig scotch with him and invited me
to partake. You may recall my mentioning this scotch in the 2011 Spring Columbus Santa Maria Surgeon's Journal . Jack is a huge
scotch fan. He likes them really peaty like the Laphroig. Being a fan of single malt
scotches, I partook.
Photo: Mission
Scarlett & Chrispy Auctioneering
Drinking peaty scotch is like drinking really strong black coffee. It grows on you. (Of course, if you don't wash
often, so does mold.)
The auction was well underway when we arrived, so we sat down and enjoyed the scotch and Cannibal Chrispy's antics. I had missed the auctioning of my contribution (a clyster syringe - a real one) which was kind of a bummer. Chrispy told me it sold "for about $100" which gives you some idea how much he had been drinking. (Lily later informed me it sold for $35, which is still commendable.) I later asked Wendy Wellmen if she bid on it as I asked her to. (She said her son Youngblood was "looking to add to his arsenal." THAT is an item Youngblood really needed for his arsenal!)
Photo: Mission
The auction wasn't proving quite bizarre enough for your author, so I decided to initiate a round of Stynky's
Strange Hat Swap Game by trading my Patrick Hand Original Planter's Hat for his Busby Berkley
Original. (See photo at left to judge whether that is the right 'look' for the ship's surgeon. (The answer? No.)
Then I traded that with Michael Bagley, who was sitting across from me. Then I grabbed Jack's hat and gave it to Michael and other people started to get into the game. Chrispy continued to auction things (of which I have several photos) but I don't recall a single one of them because I was focusing on the hat swapping. I blame this entirely on Stynky, who has corrupted me.
I should note that I do it differently than Stynky, even when I am somewhat soused. He just grabs someone's hat and gives them whichever hat he happens to be wearing. Then he finds another person and does it again. Rinse and repeat. I actually tried to keep track of who had whose hat. I also traded only with folks I knew.
 Photo: Mission Stynky in Mission's hat |
 Photo: Mission Michael in Stynky's hat |
 Photo: Mission Jack in Michael's hat |
 Photo: Mission Mission in ??'s hat |
Photo: Mission
Spike stands out in my mind from the Hat Swap Game because he really didn't want to give
his up at first. (It's just a dark tricorn. Not at all cool like the Patrick Hand Original Planter's Hat.
I'll bet the Patrick Hand Original would fetch twice what his dark tricorn would be on eBay. But
I'm off track here...)
After several beseeching attempts on my part to put the hat swap experience across to him, I finally managed to
convince him to swap with me. He took my hat and put it on ostensibly for just for one
picture. (Seen at right.) He then very tentatively let me try on
his hat (seen below left) ... then he immediately took it back and returned
mine. Of course, as the photo
evidence below center and left show, he realized what
it was all about and finally joined in on the hat swapping stupidity fun.
 Photo: Mission |
 Photo: Mission
|
 Photo: Mission |
Photo: Mission
NOW you're
a proper surgeon Devlin!
Photo: Mission
Me, a rope and Captain Black in the game
I also was angling for Captain Charles Black's hat, but I wasn't sure he'd appreciate the game, so I first
dealt with an intermediary: Handsome Devlin. I explained the concept of the hat swap game to Devlin (after
swapping hats with him) and how I didn't want to be pounded into paste for playing around with someone as big as
Captain Black. Devlin seemed unsure, but he suggested I try it and see what happened. I guess I was inebriated
enough to take that suggestion and forged ahead. Captain Black proved to be all for it. (His hat has cool skull pins in it
as I recall and I quite liked it. If I didn't do period, I would totally have a hat like that.)
There were an awful lot of hat swap pictures and I can't resist posting several of them below. This will make for a long chapter, but regular readers understand that their comfort never stops me for prattling on like a nit. First, a record of what you author would look like in various hats in case I ever want to switch. (As if...)
Photo: MissionThis hat is too goofy... |
Photo: MissionThis hat is too flat... (And that guy said he's crazy.) |
Photo: Mission This hat is JUST right! |
Then there are the usual people wearing Mission's hat photographs, which are now a Journal tradition and must be inserted somewhere.
 Photo: MissionCutter in the Patrick Hand hat. Lookin' jazzed. |
 Photo: MissionKeith in the Patrick Hand hat. Lookin' stunned. |
 Photo: Mission Chrispy in the Pat Hand hat. Lookin' weird. |
 Photo: Mission Jai in the Patrick Hand hat. Lookin' AWESOME. |
Last were the somewhat weird things that went on during the Hat Swap Game - or at least the ones that lend themselves to my juvenile sense of humor.
 Photo: MissionMichael takes the M.A. d'Dogge Women's Apparel Role |
 Photo: Mission "Son, a brave new world beckons! One where you can wear Busby Berkley and voodoo hats ANYwhere!" |
 Photo: Mission *Pssst! Jack! You misunderstood! We're swapping HATS!" |
Photo: Mission
Photo: Mission
After the auction ended, I did my best to restore everyone's hats. Of course Stynky had been playing his own
version of the game and he had no hat at that point and no idea where his hat had gone to.
So as not to keep you in suspense over the missing chapeau (and so as not to forget to explain this when I start a new chapter), l will tell you that he found it the next day.
The girl who was with Valhalla's Pirates had it. She said she could give it back,but Stynky said he had ways of exacting revenge and let her hang on to it. (He told me that if she had it, he didn't have to worry about it.)
Chrispy came up and formally introduced me to Mike, the Skeleton Pirate of Fort Myer's Beach. I became a fan of his
Facebook page
Photo: Mission
about six months ago when I learned there was such a person as the Skeleton Pirate of Ft. Myer's beach. He
makes his living doing street performance dressed as a skeleton pirate. How cool is that? He is quite a high
energy guy, very much like Chrispy. In fact, Chrispy told me they were often confused with each other. (I
can't quite see that myself.) The also do routines together including one they showed me that cannot be
repeated as this is a family Journal. Well, sort of.
Mike used to work for a PBS television station doing program coordination or something like that. One day he
decided to join some street performers playing music and found he could make a little extra cash that way. He
is also an artist, so he showed his fellow performers photos of some of his stuff and started talking about re-enacting
Photo: Mission
and other things he did. When they saw a photo of a large heavy plastic skull he owned, they suggested he
turn it into a mask and perform as a skeleton pirate. So he cut the plastic skull apart, separating the jaw from the skull and attached it to a backing. He padded the inside of the skull and used it for a mask.
Then he went to perform.
He said he made $40 or $50 the
first night he did it and was hooked. He now does this full time. Seriously, how cool is that?
The way he does it is by standing very still so that people think he is a statue. The approach him and debate whether he's a statue or not (a classic haunted house ploy.) At the opportune moment he jumps at them. Because the jaw is separate from the top of the skull, he can open it and do all sorts of crazy things with it. This scares most folks quite well. (You can see videos of this on his Facebook fan page.) Many of them want to pose with him, which is how he collects money for his performance.
Photo: Mission
Two roses and a thorn. Note the coin belt on Mission.
The twins Mae and Brig appeared at some point during the night wearing belly dancing gear. They had planned to
do some dancing after the auction ended, but things wound down two quickly for their taste and the music became
'undanceable' according to them. (As the third twin, you would think I would also be a belly dancer, but you
should know better by now.)
I did ask them why the belly dance. Brig started doing it by enrolling in a community college class that she could take to fulfill a PE credit. Mae joined her because she was still in Florida at that point. (I was off on a secret mission to try and liberate a group of pro-Danish veterinarians who were being held hostage in Guam, so I couldn't join my fellow twins in this class. However, Brig did tell me that several guys did it and were very good.) For some reason, Mae tied her belt with all the shiny bangle things around my waist, which I wore with drunken pride for the rest of the evening. You could hear me coming a mile away with all that stuff jingling on me.
Before I move on, I thought I'd throw some more Friday night pics that didn't quite fit the rest of the narrative. They are mostly pictures I took because I liked the people involved. So I guess I'm really sticking them in here so I can look back at them in my doddering years.
 Photo: Mission Calamity Grace aka The little red-haired girl |
Photo: Mission Stynky with two girls he has never met before. ( There's a joke I honestly don't get here.) |
 Photo: Mission Two of the pirates of the Pieces of Eight crew. This is the 3rd Journal featuring them sans names. |
Photo: Mission
The most capable member of the Mercury Crew holding that gate closed.
The Mercury crew were tasked with gate duty at 11pm. By this time, I had had quite a
bit of scotch and several other things. Still, an obligation is an obligation. So Michael and I trooped over to
fulfill our gate guarding duty. (Poor Michael. He had to keep an eye on people trying to get in the gate as well as on your
author.)
We talked quite a bit about this and that while we were there, although none of it makes for good copy.( Mostly because I don't remember much of it.) Michael had spent quite a bit of time imbibing himself, so I am sure it was just the sort of scintillating conversation you expect two drunks to enjoy. In fact, based on the photo evidence, I think we took a vote and decided that we were not the most capable gate guards in the camp. So we put another Mercury crew member on watch (above left.) Stynky showed up at some point and we had a nice time of it as I recall. The two hours passed pretty quickly.
Photo: Mission
Our relief arrives - much to our relief.
When our relief showed up, I staggered back to retrieve my rental bike, which I had ridden over this morning.
Stynky seemed concerned about my state (with good reason) and suggested I ride back with him. I didn't
want to leave the bike, however, so when he went off to use the rest room, I unlocked my bike and climbed onto it.
The condo wasn't all that far away... I made quite the effort to pedal fast enough to stay ahead
of Stynky because I had decided for some reason that I wanted to beat him. (Which was really quite absurd. He was in a
car.)
I managed to make it out of the fort grounds and then decided that I would peddle through the dark area in front of the
fort so that when he came out in his car he wouldn't see me. You are probably already beginning to see the flaw in THAT plan. I do want it on the record that I have done this
several times in years previous.
However, between last December and this, they put in some very large logs on the ground to keep people from bicycing across the large open area near the fort entrance.
Photo: Mission
"That's the one that got me."
Being dark and all, I smacked
full speed into a log about 12" in diameter and went ass over teakettle across the bike's handlebars.
Everything in my basket spilled over the log with me. Still worried about staying ahead of Stynky for some reason, I hastily grabbed the item I saw on the ground and climbed back on the
bike. Man, my shoulder and wrist hurt...
I peddled back to the condos where Stynky caught up to me. I explained what had happened and he did the whole "I told you so" routine. At this point I realized that I had only retrieved some of the items that had been in my basket. The rest were still lying on the ground by that log. Stynky generously drove me over to the crash site where I retrieved the rest of my items. It was not a very auspicious end to the evening, although I can't say it was entirely surprising either.